Oh god.. I've lost it.. Can you help me find my trust....
Hi. I really can't wait until school starts.. because im so damn bored... I have been to school since october..and its getting boring. I think I got fatter. no I know I got fatter.. damn it. oh well i'll lose it like usual.....
I'm not having one of my "MOMENTS" This is real. fuck you.
I confronted my brother today about him being so self centerd. Probaly didn't do it in the best way because I started out with "I hate you" just outa no where.. heh I said that I hated how he's just in his own little world and doesn't care about anyone else.. and he said "Because i'm happy?" fuckin stupid shit. then I told him that he was self centerd.. and told him that he just doesn't care about other people. and he said... "WHAT!?" and I said "You probaly think that you care and you think that not caring is a bad thing.. But thats what your doing - Not caring. ......you're a jerk" and then i left..
um well he got all bent outa shape about it and wouldn't talk to me... Maybe because he realized its true or he's to blind to see that it is true and is mad that I said that.
I'm a bitch.. Yeah but I care about other people and try to help out and i'm there for people when they need me to be. Philip has beome such a jerk that i'm to the point where I just really strongly dislike him.
Me and him used to be SO close and I used to be able to talk to him about everything. and I mean EVERYTHING. When I was down he was there. I could talk to him about who I liked or what happend between me and a guy.. or if I was mad about our parents fighting and about my dad and his probalems.. now.. its really like he's not even there.. I try to talk to him and he calls me fat or he says "Its because you eat babies" I don't know what his deal is. Is he too good to have actual heart to heart talks anymore? Is he not wanting to talk about how sad I am because it might bring him down? I don't know. I'd really like to know because this hurts me SO bad to the point of me crying. and I haven't cried in the longest time.. even when my dad would promise me something to my face and brake that promise....
god.. I just wish he knew. But he won't ever know because he doesn't care anymore. he doesn't care about our relationship. or me..
He's only concerned about his happiness.. oh and of coruse sarahs...
Maybe i'm bitching. Maybe I should just forget about our " good brother sister bond" I suppoes its just a thing of the past and I should move on to being on my own again.
People have screwed me over countless times.. But I never thought, out of all people, my brother would do it. Boy does that hurt...
I think once the chance comes up again i'm going to like.. I dunno leave or something.. and remember how to deal with my own problems.. without having to talk to someone.. god thats why no one should ever trust or depend on anyone.. people change.... and if you decide to change its you and only you..
I suppoes being alone forever wouldn't be such a bad thing...
Stina