Attempting to be reasonably sane
Breathing in, breathing out.
Sometimes it's just hard to be just exactly that - reasonably sane, or is it sane enough to be reasonable? Whatever. You just come to a point where you're suddenly at your brink and you explode, not caring about the consequences, not caring about what you say or do, so much so that everything that you do say or do is incredibly stupid.
Classic example - the post below.
How do I even begin to describe what's happening coherently? It's a lonely job, no doubt about it. It's hard to not have someone at work who understands exactly how you feel, to the point of truly empathizing - screw sympathy, it's not going to comfort me at all. It's harder to say things with fear of compromising the person whom you're working for. It's hardest to choose to be happy in a lonely job - a job that I didn't choose to be in, a job that doesn't allow me to do what I want to do, a job that I hate and belittles my worth day by day.
I just don't see the point of it. It's like waking up in the morning asking yourself "Is getting up and out of bed to go to work really worth it?". Everyday, I feel like I'm wasting another day with this poor excuse of a job that everybody else aside from me thinks is a great opportunity. I'd like to say to them, "Why don't you take it?" or "I'll be glad to give it to you", which I do say now and always did in all seriousness and honesty. I'll be more than happy to give it up and get my old job back, but that would be dreaming.
I feel that anyone can do what I'm doing now and do good at it, and that's probably what pisses me off the most. How in the world am I supposed to sell myself to prospective employers when I can't differentiate myself? How does this sound: "My job description says I'm a sales and admin executive, but in reality I'm just a secretary."
Just a secretary. Sorry, but I think it's not much of a job at all. God, the mere thought of it is enough for me to come to tears. Typing it out is even worse. Saying it, as in actually hearing myself say it is torture.
Yes, I am looking for work. No, I haven't been considered for the ones I applied to, but I am applying. It's supposed to make each day bearable. I'd like to make it bearable. I want to.
Sometimes it's just hard to be just exactly that - reasonably sane, or is it sane enough to be reasonable? Whatever. You just come to a point where you're suddenly at your brink and you explode, not caring about the consequences, not caring about what you say or do, so much so that everything that you do say or do is incredibly stupid.
Classic example - the post below.
How do I even begin to describe what's happening coherently? It's a lonely job, no doubt about it. It's hard to not have someone at work who understands exactly how you feel, to the point of truly empathizing - screw sympathy, it's not going to comfort me at all. It's harder to say things with fear of compromising the person whom you're working for. It's hardest to choose to be happy in a lonely job - a job that I didn't choose to be in, a job that doesn't allow me to do what I want to do, a job that I hate and belittles my worth day by day.
I just don't see the point of it. It's like waking up in the morning asking yourself "Is getting up and out of bed to go to work really worth it?". Everyday, I feel like I'm wasting another day with this poor excuse of a job that everybody else aside from me thinks is a great opportunity. I'd like to say to them, "Why don't you take it?" or "I'll be glad to give it to you", which I do say now and always did in all seriousness and honesty. I'll be more than happy to give it up and get my old job back, but that would be dreaming.
I feel that anyone can do what I'm doing now and do good at it, and that's probably what pisses me off the most. How in the world am I supposed to sell myself to prospective employers when I can't differentiate myself? How does this sound: "My job description says I'm a sales and admin executive, but in reality I'm just a secretary."
Just a secretary. Sorry, but I think it's not much of a job at all. God, the mere thought of it is enough for me to come to tears. Typing it out is even worse. Saying it, as in actually hearing myself say it is torture.
Yes, I am looking for work. No, I haven't been considered for the ones I applied to, but I am applying. It's supposed to make each day bearable. I'd like to make it bearable. I want to.