Friends, Opinions
So I guess I don't have an actual friend in the world now -_-
Or at least, no one nearby who likes me enough to want to talk to or hang out with me.
I got an e-mail from the friend who blew up over some passing comment I made, who's now decided he doesn't want to talk to me online anymore. I didn't think that much about it, but I had been noticing I was a little more productive and less negative since we stopped talking, and to be honest, I don't think I would have wanted to go back to IMing again even if he wanted to.
I think the reason I ever talked to him so much in the first place was just because he was always online. So rather than writing in, say, a journal, or here, I wrote what I was thinking to him, and since my words tend to take a different direction than my on-the-spot actions, it ended up as negative reinforcement.
It just kind of annoys me when, as was the situation in this case, someone's building up some hostilities against me without saying anything. If you've got a problem, or want me to start or stop doing something, just say it...! It's only confusing and exacerbating when you don't talk about what you're feeling.
THEN AGAIN
...then again, that was kind of the problem. I talked about what I was feeling. I think I understand now to some degree the type of people who don't offer up much opinion or try to smush down their feelings in interactions with others (even online, which is where I'm not used to doing it, although I'm bad at it in person occasionally as well), because when you open up that can of worms it's just a mess. Shallow interaction may be the only thing humans are capable of without it going awry at some point.
No one wants in on someone else's personal life, or impressions, or problems. Everyone's got their own drag going on. I guess I was just too vocally opinionated. People don't like that. Lesson learned. Then again, that is important even in Buddhism, to overcome preferences and opinions and the like, to de-condition the mind as much as possible, rather than reinforce it. I dunno. We'll see how the future plays out. I've never -not- had a constantly available "friend" I could talk to or hope to hang out with. Now I have no one but myself and my dog. That's cool.
Forward ho.
Or at least, no one nearby who likes me enough to want to talk to or hang out with me.
I got an e-mail from the friend who blew up over some passing comment I made, who's now decided he doesn't want to talk to me online anymore. I didn't think that much about it, but I had been noticing I was a little more productive and less negative since we stopped talking, and to be honest, I don't think I would have wanted to go back to IMing again even if he wanted to.
I think the reason I ever talked to him so much in the first place was just because he was always online. So rather than writing in, say, a journal, or here, I wrote what I was thinking to him, and since my words tend to take a different direction than my on-the-spot actions, it ended up as negative reinforcement.
It just kind of annoys me when, as was the situation in this case, someone's building up some hostilities against me without saying anything. If you've got a problem, or want me to start or stop doing something, just say it...! It's only confusing and exacerbating when you don't talk about what you're feeling.
THEN AGAIN
...then again, that was kind of the problem. I talked about what I was feeling. I think I understand now to some degree the type of people who don't offer up much opinion or try to smush down their feelings in interactions with others (even online, which is where I'm not used to doing it, although I'm bad at it in person occasionally as well), because when you open up that can of worms it's just a mess. Shallow interaction may be the only thing humans are capable of without it going awry at some point.
No one wants in on someone else's personal life, or impressions, or problems. Everyone's got their own drag going on. I guess I was just too vocally opinionated. People don't like that. Lesson learned. Then again, that is important even in Buddhism, to overcome preferences and opinions and the like, to de-condition the mind as much as possible, rather than reinforce it. I dunno. We'll see how the future plays out. I've never -not- had a constantly available "friend" I could talk to or hope to hang out with. Now I have no one but myself and my dog. That's cool.
Forward ho.