(no subject)
ok Scruff. once, a long long time ago. When talking god still lived on the holy mountain, Coyote was out for a walk..
Now old man Coyote and Talking God didnt really like one another very much. The spring before, Coyote had made fun of Talking God, and even longer ago, he had stolen the stars the other gods were putting in the sky and just made a whole mess of things.
So as Coyote was strolling along enjoying his walk, Talking God spied him trotting around with his tongue hanging out, and his bushy tail stuck up in the air. Talking God said to himself. "Lookit that Coyote! So prissy and pompous. What a jerk. I'll play a trick on him!"
Poor Coyote, all unsuspecting, just enjoying the sun and listening to CCR on his ipod (hey, He's COYOTE, he can have an ipod if he wants one.) pauses to sniff at a bush. And just about then Talking god, who has been rifling through his golfbag full of thunderbolts, finds the peeerfect one! And hucks that fucker at poor old Coyote. BLAM! FLASH! YIPE! Coyote takes off running with his tail on fire! "Ha!" Yelled Talking God, "That'll teach you to trick me!"
After finding a stream to quench his poor feiry tail in, Coyote limps back to his hogan and, lying on his belly, begins to plot his revenge. "Damned old Talking God. What did i ever do to you. Well..except for that stars thing. And that time i called you a gonad in front of Monster Woman. Oh! And that incident with the super glue and hotdogs." Coyote fluttered his hands around his head and yelled at a boy who was mending a shoe. "Well still! its not like i ever set HIS tail on fire or anything!"
The little boy just stared at Coyote for a moment then wandered off scuffing his feet in the dirt and whistling 'sympathy for the devil'. Now you see, at that time, Talking God was the oooooooonnnnnnnnlllllly one who had lightening. No one else could make sparks and light and thunder. So no one else could make fire. And the winter was a dark, cold time for The People. So Coyote scratched his head. "You know what would piss of that noisy jerkface?" He asked Porcupine, as he passed. "Go be weird somewhere else, Coyote." Porcupine sniffed. But Coyote didnt care. He was deep in thought. "you know what would piss him off, rock?" Adressing the stone he had just stubbed his toe on. "If i stole his fuckin lightening. And threw it in the river. NO! What if i gave it to The People! That would fix his little red wagon!
So our hero devised a clever plan to humiliate Talking God AND get fire for The People. The last part merely being a bonus. And also, Coyote liked his hogan warm, and his food hot. So you know. Win win. The next morning, Coyote went out for another stroll. Morning being loosely interpreted here, since the lazy thing did'nt get up until a quarter to noon, when Talking God was napping during the mid day heat. First thing he does is find a big mormon tea bush and cut a branch off it with his knife.
Then, after a break, 'cause that shit's some hard work man, Coyote proceeded to lash the branch to his poor incinerated tail. Now, from a distance, Coyote's branch looked like a big, bushy tail. Just like the one Talking God had cruelly smote the day before. So Old Coyote drank himself a redbull, and trotted out along a little rabbit path that lead just under the Holy Mountain. To all the world he looked just like he was chasing a bunny. Nose to the ground, tailbranch in the air.
Just about then, Talking God woke up from his nap and took a seat in his lawn chair to have a smoke and see what was shakin. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Coyote. "Well fuck me. Where did the little bastard get a new tail? And look at him. He looks so smug. Well mister! Ive got more lightening bolts where THAT one came from." And he hauls one out, pretty much at random, and, with form that would make an olympic javelin coach pee himself, wings it at the 'unsuspecting' Coyote.
CRACK! FWOOMF! The lightening bolt smashes into Coyotes tailbranch, sparks and needles flying off in all directions. Quickly, Coyote cut the thongs lashing it to his tail, and grabbed it up. "Ha!" He squealed at Talking God, shaking his ass and dancing around in a circle. "This is mine now! I'll play with it later!" Then he takes off running as another thunderbolt smashes into the ground about 3 inches to his left, singing his new jeans.
Needless to say, Talking God was'nt very happy, and still has'nt forgotten about that little trick. But Coyote is too clever for that old loud mouth. And thats how Coyote stole fire for The People. And taught them how to use it. Taught them to cook, and warm their homes. And how to burn, and brand and scar. Two hearts is old coyote. Like fire. And winter was no longer quite as cold and dark for The People.
Now old man Coyote and Talking God didnt really like one another very much. The spring before, Coyote had made fun of Talking God, and even longer ago, he had stolen the stars the other gods were putting in the sky and just made a whole mess of things.
So as Coyote was strolling along enjoying his walk, Talking God spied him trotting around with his tongue hanging out, and his bushy tail stuck up in the air. Talking God said to himself. "Lookit that Coyote! So prissy and pompous. What a jerk. I'll play a trick on him!"
Poor Coyote, all unsuspecting, just enjoying the sun and listening to CCR on his ipod (hey, He's COYOTE, he can have an ipod if he wants one.) pauses to sniff at a bush. And just about then Talking god, who has been rifling through his golfbag full of thunderbolts, finds the peeerfect one! And hucks that fucker at poor old Coyote. BLAM! FLASH! YIPE! Coyote takes off running with his tail on fire! "Ha!" Yelled Talking God, "That'll teach you to trick me!"
After finding a stream to quench his poor feiry tail in, Coyote limps back to his hogan and, lying on his belly, begins to plot his revenge. "Damned old Talking God. What did i ever do to you. Well..except for that stars thing. And that time i called you a gonad in front of Monster Woman. Oh! And that incident with the super glue and hotdogs." Coyote fluttered his hands around his head and yelled at a boy who was mending a shoe. "Well still! its not like i ever set HIS tail on fire or anything!"
The little boy just stared at Coyote for a moment then wandered off scuffing his feet in the dirt and whistling 'sympathy for the devil'. Now you see, at that time, Talking God was the oooooooonnnnnnnnlllllly one who had lightening. No one else could make sparks and light and thunder. So no one else could make fire. And the winter was a dark, cold time for The People. So Coyote scratched his head. "You know what would piss of that noisy jerkface?" He asked Porcupine, as he passed. "Go be weird somewhere else, Coyote." Porcupine sniffed. But Coyote didnt care. He was deep in thought. "you know what would piss him off, rock?" Adressing the stone he had just stubbed his toe on. "If i stole his fuckin lightening. And threw it in the river. NO! What if i gave it to The People! That would fix his little red wagon!
So our hero devised a clever plan to humiliate Talking God AND get fire for The People. The last part merely being a bonus. And also, Coyote liked his hogan warm, and his food hot. So you know. Win win. The next morning, Coyote went out for another stroll. Morning being loosely interpreted here, since the lazy thing did'nt get up until a quarter to noon, when Talking God was napping during the mid day heat. First thing he does is find a big mormon tea bush and cut a branch off it with his knife.
Then, after a break, 'cause that shit's some hard work man, Coyote proceeded to lash the branch to his poor incinerated tail. Now, from a distance, Coyote's branch looked like a big, bushy tail. Just like the one Talking God had cruelly smote the day before. So Old Coyote drank himself a redbull, and trotted out along a little rabbit path that lead just under the Holy Mountain. To all the world he looked just like he was chasing a bunny. Nose to the ground, tailbranch in the air.
Just about then, Talking God woke up from his nap and took a seat in his lawn chair to have a smoke and see what was shakin. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Coyote. "Well fuck me. Where did the little bastard get a new tail? And look at him. He looks so smug. Well mister! Ive got more lightening bolts where THAT one came from." And he hauls one out, pretty much at random, and, with form that would make an olympic javelin coach pee himself, wings it at the 'unsuspecting' Coyote.
CRACK! FWOOMF! The lightening bolt smashes into Coyotes tailbranch, sparks and needles flying off in all directions. Quickly, Coyote cut the thongs lashing it to his tail, and grabbed it up. "Ha!" He squealed at Talking God, shaking his ass and dancing around in a circle. "This is mine now! I'll play with it later!" Then he takes off running as another thunderbolt smashes into the ground about 3 inches to his left, singing his new jeans.
Needless to say, Talking God was'nt very happy, and still has'nt forgotten about that little trick. But Coyote is too clever for that old loud mouth. And thats how Coyote stole fire for The People. And taught them how to use it. Taught them to cook, and warm their homes. And how to burn, and brand and scar. Two hearts is old coyote. Like fire. And winter was no longer quite as cold and dark for The People.