(no subject)
It's only a month, right? only a month.
then why does it feel like so much longer?
maybe it doesn't.
maybe it's the lack of sleep.
maybe it's just nicotine withdrawls.
maybe my heart broke.
again.
for a month i've been torn and ripped and strangled and suffocated and walking on cloud 9, head over heels for a girl.
beautiful, sweet, funny, charming, flirty, crazy, and just a little bit 18 years old.
i loved just being with her.
i loved the way she treated me - the things she would say.
i loved the way she made me feel.
i loved talking to her and telling her all my secrets and all about my life.
because she actually seemed interested.
that's pretty rare.
but it's scary getting involved with someone that young. i remember what it was like being 18. emotions change with the direction of the wind.
so i took it all with a grain of salt.
that way when it fell apart it wouldn't hit me so hard.
but yesterday everything changed.
she kissed me and everything changed.
she kissed me again and it all fell away and i was completely hers.
my heart was beating so hard and i couldn't breathe and the world dissappeared and it was wonderful.
i was floating on air the whole night, king of the world, warrior supreme.
5 hours later she called me and in so many words told me she was going back to be with her ex boyfriend.
and my whole world shattered.
again.
at midnight i went to creve couer lake and sat on the beach. because that was our place. that's where we had water fights and mud fights and play fights and walks and talks and moments.
we were sitting at the waterfall the first time i worked up the courage to put my arms around her.
we were at the overlook when she kissed me.
at midnight i went to creve couer lake and sat on the beach, stared at the water and tried to decide if i wanted to walk out into it and drown.
i didn't realize i had fallen that hard.
it hurts.
i'm so tired of this. so tired of getting my hopes up and having the world all come crashing down again.
i don't want to live this way. i know, i know, life sucks, deal with it. but i dont' think i can anymore. it's too hard.
it's not just stacey. Every time i get close to someone and start to feel a connection, they leave and i'm sitting back wondering what i did wrong. 1 or 2 or 3, okay. . . . that's normal, right? but stacey makes . . . . what. . . . 7? 8?
i have a date this weekend and i don't even want to go. at first i didn't want to go because i was all into stacey, but now i don't want to go just because i know it's gonna happen all over again. we're gonna go out once, maybe twice and then i'm never gonna hear from her again.
or worse we'll get closer and closer for a month and then i'm gonna fall and she's gonna decide she doesn't like me.
what's the point?
her name is kim.
how incredibly scary is that that i went from a stacey to a kim? what's next? a heather? a maggie? maybe a sue. lol. geesh.
then why does it feel like so much longer?
maybe it doesn't.
maybe it's the lack of sleep.
maybe it's just nicotine withdrawls.
maybe my heart broke.
again.
for a month i've been torn and ripped and strangled and suffocated and walking on cloud 9, head over heels for a girl.
beautiful, sweet, funny, charming, flirty, crazy, and just a little bit 18 years old.
i loved just being with her.
i loved the way she treated me - the things she would say.
i loved the way she made me feel.
i loved talking to her and telling her all my secrets and all about my life.
because she actually seemed interested.
that's pretty rare.
but it's scary getting involved with someone that young. i remember what it was like being 18. emotions change with the direction of the wind.
so i took it all with a grain of salt.
that way when it fell apart it wouldn't hit me so hard.
but yesterday everything changed.
she kissed me and everything changed.
she kissed me again and it all fell away and i was completely hers.
my heart was beating so hard and i couldn't breathe and the world dissappeared and it was wonderful.
i was floating on air the whole night, king of the world, warrior supreme.
5 hours later she called me and in so many words told me she was going back to be with her ex boyfriend.
and my whole world shattered.
again.
at midnight i went to creve couer lake and sat on the beach. because that was our place. that's where we had water fights and mud fights and play fights and walks and talks and moments.
we were sitting at the waterfall the first time i worked up the courage to put my arms around her.
we were at the overlook when she kissed me.
at midnight i went to creve couer lake and sat on the beach, stared at the water and tried to decide if i wanted to walk out into it and drown.
i didn't realize i had fallen that hard.
it hurts.
i'm so tired of this. so tired of getting my hopes up and having the world all come crashing down again.
i don't want to live this way. i know, i know, life sucks, deal with it. but i dont' think i can anymore. it's too hard.
it's not just stacey. Every time i get close to someone and start to feel a connection, they leave and i'm sitting back wondering what i did wrong. 1 or 2 or 3, okay. . . . that's normal, right? but stacey makes . . . . what. . . . 7? 8?
i have a date this weekend and i don't even want to go. at first i didn't want to go because i was all into stacey, but now i don't want to go just because i know it's gonna happen all over again. we're gonna go out once, maybe twice and then i'm never gonna hear from her again.
or worse we'll get closer and closer for a month and then i'm gonna fall and she's gonna decide she doesn't like me.
what's the point?
her name is kim.
how incredibly scary is that that i went from a stacey to a kim? what's next? a heather? a maggie? maybe a sue. lol. geesh.