(no subject)
i'm really angry.
and hungry.
and sore.
like a tick with breasts.
nobody's going to get that, i don't know why i said it.
i just don't understand.
no, i do understand. but that doesn't mean i have to like it.
christ, i have some real abandonment issues.
it's not even the fact that katy's avoiding me that angers me. if katy deems it necessary that we not be friends so that she can hang out with that retarded cow idiot of a girl then so be it. i can't and won't hold it against her - because, in case you haven't noticed, some girls just get free reign of action and immediate no-questions-asked forgiveness with me. katy is absolutely one of those girls.
it's the fact that my imagination runs wild and i can just see windy saying all these ignorant, condescending, rude and hateful things about me to katy. THAT bothers me. a lot. i can just picture them laughing at me, making me the butt of jokes and my blood boils.
wait, let me correct that. i can't imagine katy doing that. i really can't. she's just not like that.
i can see windy trying though.
::sigh:: actually, no i can't. as much as i hate to admit it, she's not like that either.
when all is said and done, i guess she . . .
no, i'm not ready to say that yet.
i just feel the need to be angry.
because i'm scared.
i guess.
because i feel like maybe i'm ugly and unlovable and i'm scared that even though i don't really think i'm either of those things - what if i am?
god damn it. my head is just so fucked up.
but ya know what helps?
sleep.
i've found that sleep helps a lot.
and hungry.
and sore.
like a tick with breasts.
nobody's going to get that, i don't know why i said it.
i just don't understand.
no, i do understand. but that doesn't mean i have to like it.
christ, i have some real abandonment issues.
it's not even the fact that katy's avoiding me that angers me. if katy deems it necessary that we not be friends so that she can hang out with that retarded cow idiot of a girl then so be it. i can't and won't hold it against her - because, in case you haven't noticed, some girls just get free reign of action and immediate no-questions-asked forgiveness with me. katy is absolutely one of those girls.
it's the fact that my imagination runs wild and i can just see windy saying all these ignorant, condescending, rude and hateful things about me to katy. THAT bothers me. a lot. i can just picture them laughing at me, making me the butt of jokes and my blood boils.
wait, let me correct that. i can't imagine katy doing that. i really can't. she's just not like that.
i can see windy trying though.
::sigh:: actually, no i can't. as much as i hate to admit it, she's not like that either.
when all is said and done, i guess she . . .
no, i'm not ready to say that yet.
i just feel the need to be angry.
because i'm scared.
i guess.
because i feel like maybe i'm ugly and unlovable and i'm scared that even though i don't really think i'm either of those things - what if i am?
god damn it. my head is just so fucked up.
but ya know what helps?
sleep.
i've found that sleep helps a lot.