life, the universe and everything

[grimmo_74]

isn't it funny how life works out. i'm trying to live my life for the now, and the future, but spend too much time looking at the past. I keep beating myself up over what I have done, and I keep losing sight of what I have now. I have a good job, fantastic friends, loving family, and it's hard sometimes to keep track of that. like I've said, I've been suffering from depression since my early teens. I feel I have only known true happiness in rare times of my life, and just being happy doesn't come to me quite easy. I tend to be happy for a while, then slip back into the comforting depths of my sadness. I want to be happy, I want to feel happiness all the time.

This has come from seeing my ex wifes facebook page. all her posts are very happy, cheerful, and chirpy. some of my friends are like that, and I can't understand how they are like that all the time. I don't have a problem with it, and the world would be a darker place without them. I guess I am jealous. I would like to be like that, and can't see how I can get there.

since seeing her page, I have actually been quite happy. I am really happy that she has her life going good. she is a successful artist, has a great family, and lots of support. she had stopped me from commenting on anything, but I don't blame her. I wish I could talk to her, see how she is and have her see how I am.

anyway, time for bed. have to work tomorrow and it's going to be a big day.