The hardest question to answer is "Why?"....
Today was my second day back at work. It's been tougher than I thought it would be. There's been many times I've had to fight the urge to just cry. I don't know, maybe I should have taken more time off. But what else am I supposed to do? Just sit around home and think about it and hurt...?
In many ways, I think it's just beginning to hit me now. When I got the call, and until I got down home, it just wasn't real at all. Total numbness, denial, whatever. And once I got there, I tried to concentrate on being there for my dad, and my brothers. And they were there for me, as was the rest of the family, family friends, etc. Everything was a surreal blur. Even once I got back, it wasn't really... real. It's only just now starting to sink in, and I don't know if it's because of the time that's passed, or because I'm trying to resume 'normal' things. Or some combination of things. Or something else entirely.
There's not really much I do know, right now...
The funeral was nice, I suppose, as such things go. It was nice to have the family there, especially my nieces. My brothers are both older than me by quite a bit (the oldest by 20 years or so, the middle by about 15-16 or so). It has often occoured to me that it was more like having uncles than brothers when growing up, due to that. Oddly, though, it wasn't until now that I realized that my nieces were more like younger sisters (I was in Elementery school when both were born. The youngest is only about 11 years younger than me.)
....
I've lost the thread of what I was saying. It's something that seems to happen fairly often now. I suppose I'm still not really all here.
I am just so glad that I went down to visit for the past Thanksgiving. I almost didn't because I wasn't feeling well. I wish that I had gotten down to visit more. I wish a lot of things.
I suppose regrets come with the territory.
In many ways, I think it's just beginning to hit me now. When I got the call, and until I got down home, it just wasn't real at all. Total numbness, denial, whatever. And once I got there, I tried to concentrate on being there for my dad, and my brothers. And they were there for me, as was the rest of the family, family friends, etc. Everything was a surreal blur. Even once I got back, it wasn't really... real. It's only just now starting to sink in, and I don't know if it's because of the time that's passed, or because I'm trying to resume 'normal' things. Or some combination of things. Or something else entirely.
There's not really much I do know, right now...
The funeral was nice, I suppose, as such things go. It was nice to have the family there, especially my nieces. My brothers are both older than me by quite a bit (the oldest by 20 years or so, the middle by about 15-16 or so). It has often occoured to me that it was more like having uncles than brothers when growing up, due to that. Oddly, though, it wasn't until now that I realized that my nieces were more like younger sisters (I was in Elementery school when both were born. The youngest is only about 11 years younger than me.)
....
I've lost the thread of what I was saying. It's something that seems to happen fairly often now. I suppose I'm still not really all here.
I am just so glad that I went down to visit for the past Thanksgiving. I almost didn't because I wasn't feeling well. I wish that I had gotten down to visit more. I wish a lot of things.
I suppose regrets come with the territory.