(no subject)
I'm still in shock. I'm not thinking straight, if at all. More than usual. Much more than usual.
Roughly an hour ago, I got a phone call from my brother, my oldest brother. The one I haven't seen or talked to since he decided to divorce his last wife. Not that that's here nor there. Except maybe it is, if only to explain the sense of foreboding that getting a phone call from him brought.
My mother passed away tonight. ('Passed away', what a stupid ephamism. She died.)
It's still not real. Not really. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up, be late for work, and all will be right with the world.
It won't, of course.
She was older, and hadn't been in really good health for years. From what my brother told me, she wnt into the hospital again recently for problems with her asthma, and she went into cardiac arrest and...
I don't know what to do. I'm 36 years old, and I feel like a little child, waiting for someone to come along and tell me what to do. My thoughts won't stay in one place. They bounce around, and yet go nowhere.
My poor father. He lost his mother at this time of year too. She had a stroke on Christmas Day, we found her when we came to visit. She never woke up and died a few weeks later. Christmastime was so hard for him for years afterwards. And now he's lost his wife of decades at the same time of year...
It's something I've thought about more and more over the years, as they got older and more frail every time I saw them. My parents' mortality. It's something that I tried to prepare myself for, all the time hoping it would be later rather than sooner, and fearing it would be the other way around. But there isn't anything you can really do to prepare yourself for it.
It still doesn't feel real.
Roughly an hour ago, I got a phone call from my brother, my oldest brother. The one I haven't seen or talked to since he decided to divorce his last wife. Not that that's here nor there. Except maybe it is, if only to explain the sense of foreboding that getting a phone call from him brought.
My mother passed away tonight. ('Passed away', what a stupid ephamism. She died.)
It's still not real. Not really. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up, be late for work, and all will be right with the world.
It won't, of course.
She was older, and hadn't been in really good health for years. From what my brother told me, she wnt into the hospital again recently for problems with her asthma, and she went into cardiac arrest and...
I don't know what to do. I'm 36 years old, and I feel like a little child, waiting for someone to come along and tell me what to do. My thoughts won't stay in one place. They bounce around, and yet go nowhere.
My poor father. He lost his mother at this time of year too. She had a stroke on Christmas Day, we found her when we came to visit. She never woke up and died a few weeks later. Christmastime was so hard for him for years afterwards. And now he's lost his wife of decades at the same time of year...
It's something I've thought about more and more over the years, as they got older and more frail every time I saw them. My parents' mortality. It's something that I tried to prepare myself for, all the time hoping it would be later rather than sooner, and fearing it would be the other way around. But there isn't anything you can really do to prepare yourself for it.
It still doesn't feel real.