Story idea: Change
Title: Change (Prologue)
Author: grimcognito
Rating: R (Puck’s dirty mouth)
Character(s)/Pairing(s): pre-slash Puck, Kurt, Sarah, everyone else in Glee
Genre: Angst, family
Warning: Suicide
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: I own nothing but this plot.
Author Notes: An idea that’s been bouncing around my head, not sure if I’ll keep going anywhere with it…
Summary: When Puck’s sister tries to commit suicide, he decides that it’s time to change his act.
Word Count: 1207
All spelling errors are my own and will be fixed if pointed out.
Kurt had built up self preservation instincts since the day he’d started public school, so it was pure reflex that made him shrink away and automatically locate all of the closest exits when Puck cornered him one day after class, asking if they could talk.
He agreed after taking in Pucks body language, the jock seemed more nervous and earnest than threatening. So Kurt shut his locker, putting his things carefully in his bag so that he could run at any time if it was necessary, and raised an eyebrow at the other teen, “What is this about?”
Puck, oddly enough, seemed more nervous than before, looking away from Kurt’s face and shoving his hands into his pockets before speaking.
“I wanted to apologize.”
Kurt stared back, confused, “For what exactly?”
“For everything. I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done to you. I know you probably don’t believe me, but it’s true. I don’t care if you still hate me or whatever, but I just thought you should know. And if you want to, like, throw a slushie in my face or throw me in the dumpster or something, I promise not to hit you.” With that, he walked away, leaving behind a stunned Kurt.
Kurt would have written it off as a hallucination caused by the dubious lunch served in the cafeteria if it weren’t for the fact that he noticed Puck having similar conversations with nearly every other glee member. All of the ones he’d bullied anyway, and each time they had the same lost look.
After school, Mercedes met up with Kurt at his locker, “You would not believe what just happened to me!”
Kurt put his books away as he answered, “Puck was replaced by a pod person who actually has a conscience and apologized to you?”
Mercedes looked just as scandalized and confused as Kurt felt, “He talked to you too? What the hell is going on with that boy?”
Kurt shrugged, “Maybe those pool chemicals have done permanent damage to his brain?” Mercedes laughed and looped he arm through his as they walked to the choir room.
Once Kurt was settled, ready for the weeks assignment and hoping Rachel didn’t steal all of the spotlight today, he noticed Puck hunched in a far chair, close to the door. It was odd not to see him sprawled all over the seat, this new, tense Puck was unsettling, not matter how weirdly nice and apologetic he was being.
Once all of the club members had arrived and settled into their seats, Mr. Shue took his usual spot in the front, “Hey guys, before we get into this week’s assignments, Puck wanted to have a few words.”
Kurt sat up a little, as did the rest of the group, Puck rarely took center stage, and usually it was because of something he thought was truly important. Besides, Kurt thought, he might actually tell them why he was acting like he’d had a personality transplant.
Puck stood in Mr. Shue’s place, shoulders tense as if he wanted to curl in on himself, and looked around at his fellow gleeks. He pressed his lips together before taking a deep breath and began to speak in a low tone.
“Uhm, so I’ve already talked to a few of you guys, but I needed to say something to everybody.” He shifted from foot to foot, wiping the palms of his hands on his jeans nervously. “I’m bi, and I’ve always hated myself for it. I can’t even look in the mirror without wanting to punch my reflection. I hated myself for a long time, and I wanted everyone else to feel the same way, so I started calling people names, throwing slushies in their faces and tossing them into dumpsters. I hated that some people could live proudly, not afraid to be who they were, so I picked on them the most. Basically, I’m an asshole. I’m a complete and utter piece of shit, and I’m sorry.”
Here there were a few snorts of disbelief. Kurt spoke up, “Why are you telling us this? You’ve never cared before, and excuse me if I’m a little skeptical about you waking up today and deciding that you suddenly love everyone.”
Puck stared down at the floor for a moment before lifting his eyes and staring straight back at Kurt, “Last night, my little sister tried to kill herself because she thought I would hate her if she told me who she really is. She had a secret, and because I’ve been acting like a douche around anyone who’s a little bit different, she believed that she couldn’t tell me something that’s been tearing her apart.”
He wasn’t looking at anyone’s face now, gaze fixed on the far wall above Kurt’s head, “She doesn’t give a shit about the other kids at her school, she only cared about one person’s opinion, her big brother’s. And I made her feel like she doesn’t deserve to live because I can’t deal with my own fucking issues.”
Puck gripped the back of his neck with one hand, the other clenching and unclenching into a fist, “I love my sister more than anything, but she almost died because I couldn’t be honest for one fucking second of my life. So I’m being honest. I, Noah Puckerman, am bisexual. I’m the reason my sister tried to commit suicide, and I’m the biggest asshole on the face of the earth. But I’m going to do my best to change that last part.”
Puck remained where he was for a few long moments, making sure to look each glee member in the eye, before he walked over to his chair, picked up his bag with shaking hands and left the room. For a long time, no one moved, too struck to do anything. Mr. Shue took a step as if to follow Puck, but the boy was long gone.
The room broke out into hushed whispers, gleeks huddling together to discuss Puck’s speech. Mercedes leaned toward Kurt, “Do you think he was serious?”
Kurt remembered the look in the other teen’s eyes, “Yes. I don’t think he’d lie about something like that.”
He looked over to Finn, the lanky jock was slumped in his chair, a shocked and pained expression on his face. He was staring at the doorway Puck had disappeared through as if his former friend would walk back and give him all the answers.
Kurt’s chest hurt, the pain in Puck’s voice had wrapped around his heart and squeezed. Puck was an ass, but he’d mellowed out since he joined glee, no longer letting the other jocks toss them into dumpsters or slushie them when he was around and he’d stopped calling them insulting names.
He still used everyone’s last name, but he hadn’t used the word ‘fag’ in months. And he obviously loved his sister, the devastated look on his face when he spoke of her attempted suicide was proof enough.
Kurt decided he’d wait until tomorrow and see if Puck was serious about changing. The glee club slowly wandered out in small groups, every face somber and voices never rising above hushed tones. Mr. Shue didn’t bother trying to stop any of them.