(no subject)
Went to Kens yesterday. Got there at about 4 and did nothing for a few hours until James showed up. Then we went out to eat at some Chinese resturant on Ford Road. I actually liked the food they had there. I had a taste of everything, although I did not eat much of the Sweet and Sour Pork. Ken's bro was being generous and treated us to that meal. Went back to Kens house and made plans to play starcraft, James left to pick up his laptop and to get Danny. That plan did not take very long to fail. James did not bring his laptop so our plans were shot and we were all mad at each other. Finally we played a few rounds of poker in anger. Then played Monopoly. I kicked everyones ass, and ended up hitting Free Parking 5 times. Easy way to win the game. It was 2 or so when we finished and everyone left. I ended up staying another hour and a half taking with Ken about stuff.
Today I went to Sadie's. Oh God, I have missed her so much. I wanted to just grab her and hold her close the whole day. I didn't see her for almost 2 weeks and I started to go crazy. I hate to admit it, but I am dependant on her right now. I have no idea why I am so vunerable and insecure. I think that it is partially her fault though... Lately she has been kind of distant from me, doing her own thing. Its odd how close we were when we were just friends, but after awhile of being in a relationship its like we are miles apart. I mean, I had to practically beg her to let me come over today like she didn't even care...
Does she miss me?
Does she want me to be there?
Will we have our future together?
These are the questions I have been asking myself everyday and its starting to affect me. I hate to be cruel, but sometimes she can be downright emotionless. Oh don't get me wrong.... I would rather be with her than be without her. I am being negative because its on my mind... (Shit, she is probably reading this thinking WTF. Ah well, it is better she knows what is on my mind when I am too closed to tell her personally.) I know she loves me. I do not doubt that, the way she treats me when we are loving together is great. That is what I crave from her all the time. I wish I could read her mind. I always get the feeling that there is a struggle going on in her mind, and I feel helpless that there is nothing I can do to change the outcome... There are some issues we need to attend to, but both of us are so closed minded about such things. I feel soon that I will have to have a talk with her about stuff. I need to know what is on her mind. That will be very unpleasant because things always tend to skate so close to the edge during such moments. When we talk our emotions will be raw and I will find out what she truly thinks, and that scares me. What if she does not feel the way I feel? That is the thing that true nighmares are made of.
I said something about getting her a bubblegum ring at Meijers. She said that I will have to give her an expensive ring when I ask her to marry me. lol. Something so simple, very random. It can just be talk, but I do not think so. That is a day I look forward to. I can visualize being with her forever, as corny as it sounds. I have not stopped loving her since I started oh so many years ago. I will try as hard as I can to make that future come to pass.
[Yuck, this has been a rather crappy post. You would think I had a terrible day or something, which is not true. I like being at her house even if we aren't doing anything. I don't mind doing our own seperate things together :) ]
Today I went to Sadie's. Oh God, I have missed her so much. I wanted to just grab her and hold her close the whole day. I didn't see her for almost 2 weeks and I started to go crazy. I hate to admit it, but I am dependant on her right now. I have no idea why I am so vunerable and insecure. I think that it is partially her fault though... Lately she has been kind of distant from me, doing her own thing. Its odd how close we were when we were just friends, but after awhile of being in a relationship its like we are miles apart. I mean, I had to practically beg her to let me come over today like she didn't even care...
Does she miss me?
Does she want me to be there?
Will we have our future together?
These are the questions I have been asking myself everyday and its starting to affect me. I hate to be cruel, but sometimes she can be downright emotionless. Oh don't get me wrong.... I would rather be with her than be without her. I am being negative because its on my mind... (Shit, she is probably reading this thinking WTF. Ah well, it is better she knows what is on my mind when I am too closed to tell her personally.) I know she loves me. I do not doubt that, the way she treats me when we are loving together is great. That is what I crave from her all the time. I wish I could read her mind. I always get the feeling that there is a struggle going on in her mind, and I feel helpless that there is nothing I can do to change the outcome... There are some issues we need to attend to, but both of us are so closed minded about such things. I feel soon that I will have to have a talk with her about stuff. I need to know what is on her mind. That will be very unpleasant because things always tend to skate so close to the edge during such moments. When we talk our emotions will be raw and I will find out what she truly thinks, and that scares me. What if she does not feel the way I feel? That is the thing that true nighmares are made of.
I said something about getting her a bubblegum ring at Meijers. She said that I will have to give her an expensive ring when I ask her to marry me. lol. Something so simple, very random. It can just be talk, but I do not think so. That is a day I look forward to. I can visualize being with her forever, as corny as it sounds. I have not stopped loving her since I started oh so many years ago. I will try as hard as I can to make that future come to pass.
[Yuck, this has been a rather crappy post. You would think I had a terrible day or something, which is not true. I like being at her house even if we aren't doing anything. I don't mind doing our own seperate things together :) ]