(no subject)

May 09, 2006 12:15

That was crushing. x-x It seems like every time I take the test, my nerves get the better of me, I clench up... and soemthing bad just happens. Something I normally get right, but the one time will fail and fail spectacularly.

Today, it was parralel parking. The first time I was certain I had it right but she wished it to be straighter so we went back around to try again. On the way out I hit the barricade, scraping it against the front of Mom's car.

So yeah, wanna guess who failed again?

Mom was so upset... mad and dissapointed. I told her... I would pay for the damages done to the car. THAT was a given. She trusted me with the car and I let her down. It'll cost 8-900 dollars... about a month and a half worth of pay. But, it was my fault. There's noone else to blame. Its my responsibility and when they take it in I shall pay for it.

*Curls up slightly* I really... thought I had it this time. But I royally blew it. Maybe I really shoudlnt be driving I guess. Im not sure.

For now, Im just trying to keep away from Mom, doing the chores in my room and such. In any case, I dont think she eitehr wants or needs to see the sight of myself right now. That cars her baby, yanno? Deep down, I really do wish someone would provide the comfort, dry these tears, and say hey, youll do better next time. Just relax, smile for me will ya?

...But thats never the case. I let her down. I let myself down. I let... I let all of them down this time and all the others as well.

Sometimes, I really do wish I could just take the feathers and scatter them to the Hells.
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