Back to Darkness, and Ten Times Worse
So today I got my Driver's License. I can finally do things that guys my age do, including hang out with friends more often and hang out with girls.
Friends and girls...two groups that I haven't had the chance to see this Spring Break and hang out with. Last year's Spring Break sucked ass. This year, I thought that everything was going good for me. I mean, look at what's been happening to me in FIU, especially with friends and girls. I had reason to believe that this year's Spring Break was going to be good. Well I was wrong...
The first few days...I was ready to hang out with one of my friends to go see 300, but she fell sick. So that hangout was delayed...until I don't know when. The worst was yet to come...
This girl that I've been cuddling with now and then now doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. She only wants me as a friend, DESPITE my nice personality and my having things in common with her. Already, the wounds that I thought that healed started to open up again...
...and just right now, I found out that this girl that I've been in close contact with and liking since January just hooked up with someone I know well...well, not that well. Now why didn't I make my move when I had the chance? Because of that goddamn idea that girls don't like it when guys take it fast with them. Right now, my wounds are already open again and bleeding...
...and things might about to get worse...
You see, all of this shit is what makes me extremely pissed off. I've dealt with the same shit again and again, and it won't stop. I know that my looks don't matter, but it's my personality that matters; but all the girls that I've known still only want me as a friend. THAT is the thing that annoys me about girls. It's like I'm destined to be single for life. I always get this from people: "One day, the right girl will come for you." Well, I've been waiting for a score of my life already and she hasn't come around. I wonder if she will come if I'm about to die.
I also get from people that I don't need to be in a relationship, or something like that. Here's the catch---this opinion from them changes because they get into a relationship.
Can you now see why I have the right to be pissed off!?
I'm ashamed of the life that I live...I'm way behind on almost everything. I haven't gotten a girlfriend yet. I have never been to a nightclub. My life is like that of a 12-year old, though I'm almost 20. I should by now have a girlfriend, have been to a couple of nightclubs, and arenas, have my own car, be more independent, etc. But why is this not so for me? Because of laziness. I regret being lazy for the past several years.
...I also regret being so nice over the years to those who have done me wrong. From bullies to girls that rejected me for some stupid-ass reason, I have given them a pass on everything...but it took that one day on November 27, 2006, to let me know that it was okay for me to show my careless jealousy to the world. The realization was gradual, but I saw the light. Now what should I do to everyone that's done wrong to me? If I could---and if this world were like Grand Theft Auto---I'd torture them a-la Saw and Reservoir Dogs. However, since I can't do that in the real world, I'm just going to show my hatred towards those who fuck with me---nonviolently, of course. About that girl who's now going out with that guy---and they're bandmates from this band that is awesome---I was going to invite her to play pool with me, but I'm jsut going to invite another girl to play pool with me instead. You only want me as a friend---YOU'RE FUCKING LOSS! Now I am nice...but as long as you don't give me shit. If you do---like the people above and others have done---we have a problem. Comprende?
Friends and girls...two groups that I haven't had the chance to see this Spring Break and hang out with. Last year's Spring Break sucked ass. This year, I thought that everything was going good for me. I mean, look at what's been happening to me in FIU, especially with friends and girls. I had reason to believe that this year's Spring Break was going to be good. Well I was wrong...
The first few days...I was ready to hang out with one of my friends to go see 300, but she fell sick. So that hangout was delayed...until I don't know when. The worst was yet to come...
This girl that I've been cuddling with now and then now doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. She only wants me as a friend, DESPITE my nice personality and my having things in common with her. Already, the wounds that I thought that healed started to open up again...
...and just right now, I found out that this girl that I've been in close contact with and liking since January just hooked up with someone I know well...well, not that well. Now why didn't I make my move when I had the chance? Because of that goddamn idea that girls don't like it when guys take it fast with them. Right now, my wounds are already open again and bleeding...
...and things might about to get worse...
You see, all of this shit is what makes me extremely pissed off. I've dealt with the same shit again and again, and it won't stop. I know that my looks don't matter, but it's my personality that matters; but all the girls that I've known still only want me as a friend. THAT is the thing that annoys me about girls. It's like I'm destined to be single for life. I always get this from people: "One day, the right girl will come for you." Well, I've been waiting for a score of my life already and she hasn't come around. I wonder if she will come if I'm about to die.
I also get from people that I don't need to be in a relationship, or something like that. Here's the catch---this opinion from them changes because they get into a relationship.
Can you now see why I have the right to be pissed off!?
I'm ashamed of the life that I live...I'm way behind on almost everything. I haven't gotten a girlfriend yet. I have never been to a nightclub. My life is like that of a 12-year old, though I'm almost 20. I should by now have a girlfriend, have been to a couple of nightclubs, and arenas, have my own car, be more independent, etc. But why is this not so for me? Because of laziness. I regret being lazy for the past several years.
...I also regret being so nice over the years to those who have done me wrong. From bullies to girls that rejected me for some stupid-ass reason, I have given them a pass on everything...but it took that one day on November 27, 2006, to let me know that it was okay for me to show my careless jealousy to the world. The realization was gradual, but I saw the light. Now what should I do to everyone that's done wrong to me? If I could---and if this world were like Grand Theft Auto---I'd torture them a-la Saw and Reservoir Dogs. However, since I can't do that in the real world, I'm just going to show my hatred towards those who fuck with me---nonviolently, of course. About that girl who's now going out with that guy---and they're bandmates from this band that is awesome---I was going to invite her to play pool with me, but I'm jsut going to invite another girl to play pool with me instead. You only want me as a friend---YOU'RE FUCKING LOSS! Now I am nice...but as long as you don't give me shit. If you do---like the people above and others have done---we have a problem. Comprende?