Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the most fucked up of them all?
I look at myself in the mirror and wonder at the man that I've become. All of the shit that's happened to me in the past---it's shaped me into some mean, heartless bastard. From bullies in Horeb to bullies and bitches in Goleman to bad experiences with family members---fucked-up shit that may make you puke---to girl problems everywhere to a little more drama at FIU to other drama, all of this has shaped my character, and they continue to do so. So far, I have gotten an apology from one of my Horeb classmates for fucking around with me, and I have yet to get apologies from the others that fucked with me physically, mentally, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. You see, this is one reason why I'm who I am today, and why I'm jealous and unforgiving and cold-blooded. It's already cost me the friendship of many girls, the most important being that German girl because her boyfriend died. I said many horrible things about him here on Livejournal, and she won't forget what I said, or forgive me for how I was when they were together. Now, I feel guilty for how I was back then, but then again, I still have that urge to be the jealous type, regardless of anything. I might need someone else to die to teach me again that being the jealous type hurts others...and that the effects on others are of biblical proportions...and that I hurt myself in the process in every manner possible. As I keep on being like this, many other demons arise and tempt me to go further...further than I've ever been before. I've never thought that I would reach this point in my life. Many things that are extremely wicked...are now starting to seduce me to do those things. Their voices grow louder and persistent; and I would reject them because they're things that you never want to do or associate yourself with because it harms yourself and the people that you affect, but those demons are so seductive and so strong that the sad truth is that I'm starting to pay attention to them when I shouldn't...and give in to them sometimes...I shouldn't be doing either, because these things are wicked as fuck, and they hurt me and everyone else in every way possible. This is what I get for being the man that I have become---if I keep on being like this, then many more demons will arise that will tempt me to go further than never before. I want to stop this shit once and for all by stopping being this hard person, thereby stopping all the demons that attack me; but I don't know if I can forgive everyone who's fucked with me over the years. I've been humiliated by many people. I've had my heart broken again and again. I've even been made to look like a pussy in front of girls. Many of these people have not apologized to me yet, and they probably never will; and that makes me angrier. If I don't forgive these people, then I may be led further into darkness and Hell if you know what I mean. I have a tough decision to make---forgive everyone or perish in Hell. I'm most likely going to go to the light side...but the anger keeps on draggin me back.