Fic: The Cake is a Lie (Pt. 2 of The Courtship of Richard Castle)
Title: The Cake is a Lie (2/? of The Courtship of Richard Castle)
Rating: T
Genre: Romance/Friendship
Characters: Castle, Beckett, Alexis
Word Count: ~3000 words
Summary: In which Beckett tries to put moves on Castle. Tries, being the operative word.
The Cake is a Lie
In which Beckett tries to put moves on Castle. Tries, being the operative word.
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For the second time in two days, Beckett found herself face to face with a wooden door. This one however, was more beautiful and solid than Lanie's had been and definitely housed a more extravagant living arrangement behind it. She raised her hand to knock, but stilled as she heard a loud scream from inside.
Her cop instincts went into high alert almost immediately, her hand coming to rest on her hip where her side arm usually rested. She found herself grasping at nothing but the material of her jeans as she realised she'd left her gun at home for this particular trip. She mentally cursed her decision, but just as she was about to try the door, she heard a distorted voice coming through, slightly muffled from where she was standing.
"You will submit to the dark side, young Jedi!"
"No, NEVER! The dark side will never have me!"
Beckett let out a grateful sigh as a wave of relief washed over her. She recognised both Alexis' voice and Castle's exaggerated impression of the Sith Lord. There was a clash of something from behind the door, and she heard someone curse -
"Dad, no cursing. Jedi's don't curse."
"Jedi? I am no Jedi! I am Darth Vader, and I … am … your … father!"
She didn't know how long she stood outside his door just listening, but when Beckett heard another loud shriek followed by a crash, she quickly knocked firmly on the door. The noises stopped instantly.
Two seconds later, she found herself taking a step back and blinking at the sudden bright red light shining in her eyes. The light tube hummed noisily and she narrowed her eyes at the lightsaber.
"Who dares interrupt - oh, Beckett!"
She was reminded of a time when she had been greeted similarly by a laser gun, and she smiled at the memory. It was times like these that she wished her father had been more like Castle when she was growing up. Beckett pushed the offending tube of light away from her face and Castle backed into the threshold.
"Hey, Castle."
"To what do I owe this lovely visit, dear Detective?"
His question lacked the teasing tone she had been expecting and she swallowed. She should have expected that her visit would be slightly awkward. She bit her lip nervously as she noticed his eyes studying her expectantly. He swiped a button on his weapon and the red light disappeared, blanketing the two of them in silence.
"Um, okay. Did we get a body?"
She shook her head. Oh God, why was she even here? Castle was staring quizzically at her now, the lightsaber dangling limply from his hand. At the back of her mind, Beckett realised that she'd heard Alexis as well and that the girl was still probably somewhere in the apartment.
"So, this is just a friendly visit then?" Castle tried again.
Make up an excuse Kate, anything will do, anything at all.
"I uh, haven't seen you in a while and - "
They both heard a rustle from behind them, and Castle whipped his hand up to silence her. Beckett sighed, somewhat annoyed. It seemed that her answer suddenly wasn't that important to him anymore. The red lightsaber in Castle's hand came back to life noisily as Castle nudged her towards the couch, simultaneously motioning for her to remain quiet. She rolled her eyes but played along with whatever he was up to and nodded. It was better alternative to trying to think up half-assed excuses for her impromptu visit.
He winked at her and crept towards the couch. He cleared his throat.
"Of course, Beckett, why don't we just head to the kitchen and …"
Castle leapt forward, swinging his weapon dangerously, resulting in a clumsy tumble past the couch. He struggled to remain upright as Alexis appeared seemingly out of nowhere and shoved her glowing purple lightsaber into her father's body.
"Hah! I win!"
"You were supposed to be behind the couch, you devious little punk!"
"Well, the next time you want to ambush me, dad, please remember that you're not Peter Pan, and that you actually have a shadow."
Alexis smirked at her father and turned to Beckett, still hovering uncertainly by the entrance. "Sorry for the chaos, Detective Beckett. Dad wouldn't let me leave until he got Vader out of his system."
The younger Castle made her way to the detective and enveloped her in a tight hug. Beckett brought her arms loosely around her and grinned into the girl's hair.
"Yeah, the nine year old making an appearance again, I see."
"Something like that. Anyway, now that I've won, I'm going to go see Ashley. You can entertain him now," Alexis' eyes twinkled in mischief and she pulled away, turning back to give her kiss on his cheek. She grabbed a bag that had been hanging precariously on the edge of the table and made her way to the door. "Bye dad, bye Detective!"
She left without waiting for a reply, leaving the two adults standing alone among the mess of cushions.
"Huh, didn't think you'd buy Mace Windu's over Ben Kenobi's," she said arching her eyebrows at Alexis' now abandoned purple lightsaber. Castle made an unintelligible sound from behind her and Beckett knew she'd once again caught him by surprise by the level of her own 'geekiness'.
"They ran out of the blue ones and Alexis wanted one for her birthday," he said as he picked it up and placed both lightsabers back on their wall mounts. "I couldn't deny her."
"Whatever you say, Castle," her sceptical tone drew a grin and a wink from him and for a moment, Beckett allowed herself to believe that everything was alright again between them. Normal, easy, comforting - everything they had been before he dealt that enormous blow to her emotions.
"Anyway, what brings you here?"
Nope. She should have known it had been too easy.
He waved towards the couch and Beckett took it as a cue to sit down. He settled in hesitantly next to her, leaving plenty of space between them. Beckett sighed. Why was it so damned hard for her to just say what she wanted to say? Castle looked at her intently, obviously intrigued by her silence.
She opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn't find her voice. What was she supposed to say anyway? Hey, Castle. I know I told you that I wasn't ready, and I'm not even sure that I am yet, but I just wanted to see you to make sure that you weren't changing your mind about waiting for me. Yeah. That would go down so well. She sucked in a breath, telling herself to just spit to out, damn the consequences.
In the end, it was Castle who spoke first. He ran his fingers through his hair and shot her a rueful smile.
"I've missed you, Detective. Meetings are boring, and a whole week of them? Absolute torture."
His tone was nonchalant and just slightly teasing this time, but she had always been able to read him like a book and looking at him then, she noticed his eyes were spinning a tale of their own. He looked confused, shy and hopeful all at the same time. His hands were draped lazily along the back of the couch in what looked like a relaxed pose, but the tension in his shoulders was obvious.
For two people who were so adamant about being each other's partners, they sure sucked when it came to communicating.
She placed her palms on her knees and curled her fingers back, fisting them on her thighs. She moved imperceptibly closer to him and avoided his intense gaze, instead fixing her eyes on his bookshelf in the distance. She remembered that night at the precinct more than a year ago after Coonan died, with Castle looking forlorn and upset and a variety of food spread out in front of her.
"Tell anyone and I'll kill you, but I kind of missed you too," she said softly.
There. She said it. She risked a glance to her side and rolled her eyes at his stunned expression. No, it wasn't as sweet as telling him she enjoyed his pigtail pulling, but the reaction she got from him was more or less the same one.
Castle was blinking wordlessly in surprise. It was obviously not what he had expected to hear, but judging by the shit eating grin that was splitting his face in two, he wasn't too upset by it. The arm he'd draped over the back of the couch slid forward and his fingers brushed against her shoulders.
Cheeky bastard.
"That's uh, good to know," he said as his hand got bolder and wrapped itself around her and giving her a gentle squeeze.
And it was in that moment that Beckett lost all the control she had over her body. She gave up the pretence of being oblivious to his shenanigans and she leaned in to bury her face in the area between his jaw and his shoulders, one hand squished between the them while the other came up to rest on his chest.
Whoa.
Not what she had intended to do at all. Cuddling with Rick Castle was certainly not what she'd come to the loft for. Still, it felt oddly nice. And comforting. And just so … perfect.
"Beckett?" Castle whispered, as though he was afraid he'd break some unspoken rule if he'd spoken in his normal voice.
"Shut up, Castle, and just sit quietly for a while, okay?"
"Okay. I'm just - "
"Be quiet, Castle, I'm serious."
He had the decency to wait for half a minute before he spoke again. "Does this mean that you're … that you're, um …"
Castle faltered as he dug deep for the words that refused to come to mind, tightening his arms around her. He needn't have bothered though. They both knew what he was asking.
Does that mean you're ready for 'us'?
"I … don't think so. No," Beckett breathed out. Her hands clenched around the material of his shirt.
"Uh. Okay. Sure."
She could hear their hearts racing; feel his neck pulsing with every beat as she snuggled closer into his body. She knew she was being slightly unfair, she could only imagine what could have been going through his head then, the confusion, the uncertainty - pretty much everything that was currently going through her own mind. But then again, it wasn't like either of them were complaining.
"It's just … it's just been a slow week," she offered lamely after a while. "That's all. This isn't a big deal."
The words slipped from her lips even before she had a chance to think about them. She felt his shoulders sag and she peered back up into his eyes, detecting the disappointment in them. She bit back a sigh of frustration - disappointment was definitely not what she had been aiming for.
Beckett groaned silently, trying to convey to him that she didn't actually mean what she just said, but the moment was clearly over. The arm resting across the back of her shoulders retreated and Castle nudged her, gently pushing her aside as he got up from the couch.
God damn it, why was she so bad at this? One step forward, two steps back.
"I have some food in the fridge. Are you hungry?"
"No, not really, but I can eat," she said, not willing to leave his company just yet.
Castle nodded at her and strode purposefully towards his kitchen. With a heavy heart, Beckett followed him, replaying the last few minutes in her head with regret. There had been so many other things she could have told him and yet, she had gone with 'This isn't a big deal'.
Lanie had been right. She really was an idiot.
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Half an hour later, they sat on the opposite sides of the kitchen counter with a plate of nachos between them. They'd decided to go casual, opting to use their fingers instead of forks to eat. The silence between them had been bearable while they prepared the food, but now without the sounds of cooking and cupboard doors slamming, it was stifling.
They picked at the overflowing plate of food, both conscious of the growing tension in the room.
She toyed with the corn chips, picking one up, putting it down, then picking it up again. So awkward. Castle was still deathly silent, so different from how he usually held himself and Beckett knew it was her doing.
"You didn't call," said Beckett after a while. Someone had to break the silence.
"I was really busy, Beckett. I told you - "
"Yeah, one text message, Castle. A single message over a week. I didn't know if you were angry or upset or just avoiding me. We haven't … I was worried!"
"You said you weren't ready."
The way he spat it out betrayed his true feelings about their situation. He had pulled back his hands from the middle of the table, clasping them together as if he was trying to hold himself back from hitting something.
"And you said you were going to wait for me!"
"Yes, but it doesn't mean I like it! The phone works both ways, Beckett. Don't even try to push this on me when you could have easily picked up that phone and asked me if I was okay."
They fell into another bout of uncomfortable silence, both glaring at each other.
"There's no one else."
Castle blinked in surprise and his steady glare faltered. "What?"
"I know. I know, okay? I'm being an idiot about this, and I know that. Lanie said - actually, don't worry about what she said. I just need you to know that there's no one else for me. Not now, not in the near future."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I know that it's not fair for me to make you wait. But I'm working on it. I'm working on letting myself trust me to let us work. It doesn't mean I don't want to see you, or solve cases with you - I just need to know that if I, no, we do this," she waggled her hands between them and continued, "I'm not going to lose you as my partner. Because losing you as a partner … that scares me more than having you as something else."
Castle rolled his shoulders and Beckett heard a crack from his bones. Obviously he hadn't been sleeping well either. Realisation dawned upon her that maybe, just maybe, the past week had been equally hard for him as it had been for her. The only difference was that while she had her work to distract her, Castle had two overbearing women and a deadline to add to his stress.
"I'm not going to lie, Beckett. You're not making a whole lot of sense to me right now," Castle pushed his chair backwards and got up. He walked around the counter to stand behind her, his chest so close to touching her back. His arms came around her body, outlining her own forearms on the counter. Beckett could smell his aftershave and the scratch of his stubble as he leaned forward, leaning so that his face was hovering beside her ear, just above her shoulder.
His close proximity sent tingles spreading through her body.
And then he kissed her. His lips brushed her cheek, lingering a few seconds longer than she thought appropriate. His broad chest was pressed gently against her back, and his fingers caressed her arms as he pulled back slightly to whisper in her ear.
"No sense at all, because you will never lose me. You make so crazy with your mood swings but I'm more than willing to put up with it if it means I'll find you randomly cuddling up to me in the middle of the day. I may not like it, but waiting for you - it's like anticipating this magnificent chocolate milkshake after a long night working the murder board. It's going to be extraordinary when we get there, Beckett. I promise."
Beckett suppressed a shudder that went through her body, an effect of his husky voice breathing into her ear, his fingers drawing patterns on the skin of her arms.
She needed to calm down. Her heart was racing again, threatening to break free from her ribcage and she sucked in a steady breath.
"Play a game with me," Beckett blurted out. She snapped her head back, almost colliding with Castle's head, surprising herself with her statement.
Since when did she have so little control over her own words?
Castle stepped aside to stand next to her, staring at her in confusion. "Uh, sorry?"
Beckett cleared her throat as she reorganised her thoughts.
Games.
Castle liked them to a point where one could safely say that he was obsessed. Playing his games at the precinct; whether he was throwing birds at pigs or even something as mundane as tossing paper balls into waste paper baskets across the bullpen, always brought a smile to his face. If anything could help with the uncomfortable sexual tension in the room, she was relatively sure that the idea of playing one of his games would be it.
So Beckett decided that she needed games.
"The ones you play with Ryan and Esposito every other weekend. Just … play with me," she winced as she realised how dirty that came out, and Castle smirked knowingly at her and she threw a piece of a tomato at him. It hit him squarely on the tip of his nose and he swiped it away, chuckling. Some of the tension dissipated and Beckett mentally congratulated herself.
"Okay, sure. But I'm going to say no to any first person shooters because you're only going to beat all my high scores. I say we play a nice and quiet -"
"I don't want nice or quiet, Castle."
His mouth opened to form a silent 'Oh' and then he grinned. "Portal 2?"
"What?"
"It's a new game. Not violent, but not nice or gentle either. It has guns though, and you create portals with them to finish a level. And it's cooperative, so we're not playing against each other, which means you can't beat me. We're against this horrible mean robot thing who tries to kill us if we don't escape from the test chamber. Sound good? It's a great game and I can most definitely use your brains to actually finish it."
"Uh …"
"It's okay if you don't get it now. I'll teach you!"
Castle pushed away from the counter, practically bounding towards the living room. Beckett followed closely, suddenly wondering what kind of torture she'd inflicted upon herself. She rounded the corner and found Castle bent over his console, fiddling with some buttons. He turned around and without warning tossed her a white controller.
Catching it deftly, she turned it over and studied the colourful buttons on it. She settled herself next to Castle and watched as he pressed the buttons to start the game up.
"How long are you here for today?" He asked casually, his blue eyes glinting in the daylight.
Beckett sucked in her bottom lip as she considered the question. It was a Sunday. She didn't have anything else to do. She'd finished all the books she wanted to read and Lanie had promised to leave her alone for the rest of the weekend.
"How long will it take for us to finish the game?"
Castle chuckled. "A few hours. But we have to factor in your general noob-ness, so it might take a while."
While Beckett wasn't well versed with gaming lingo, she knew enough from eavesdropping on the conversations at work that he had meant that as an insult. She used her controller to thwack him on his head.
"Shut up and just teach me, Castle."
"I hope you realise that I cannot possibly do both," he grinned at her.
"Damn it, Castle. Just start the game already. I'll stay till we finish the game, however long it takes."
Castle turned to face her in amazement. "Really? It might take a while"
Beckett reached out to him, placing her hand on his thigh and squeezing it as she shook her head. Beckett took note of yet another stunned expression on his face. Right. She'd managed to put that expression on his face twice in the space of less than an hour. She didn't know if she should consider that a good or a bad thing.
"It's really no big deal Beckett. I was kidding about finishing the game. I'm sure you have better things to do, places to be."
Beckett smiled again at him and decided to take another two metaphorical steps forward.
"There's actually nowhere else I'd rather be today, Rick."
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