(no subject)
I often reflect back on all my former selves, divided by minuscule and momentous passing of time frames. From the militant, stubborn, unyielding perfectionist to the slobbering inebriated lost college student, to the holier than thou religious fanatic and the hardliner agnostic, there are few I am proud of and many that I shudder to think I ever embodied.
I recall this particular reflection because it severely influenced the aggravating comments I have been receiving recently. The first. It was said that I was "crazy" in comparison to another's self-proclaimed lack of "vices". If I was, to him, the definition of crazy, what was his definition of normalcy? As far as I can see, our current state of being, our condition screams a lack of normalcy, morality, responsibility. I wish it were simple enough to formulate some textbook definition of what makes one "normal". If one existed, perhaps I would be more inclined to listen to the argument of "you are insane and I am not". However, one such definition will never exist, therefore, our placing of what another does as insanity or depravity, right or wrong, is formulated strictly by our own definition of such things.
I do things that are different from those around me. I often tap the up and down on my stereo's volume, listening to the change in sound. Yes, it is often ridiculously hard for me to focus on one idea, my mind a whirlwind of creativity and an abundance of questions. I am regimented, strictly adhering to strict ritualistic routines that I only run through to feel safe and comfortable.
But I am not "crazy".
I do not enjoy how the term mental illness or going through some sort of medicinal therapy makes me any less of a person than any other person.
I would not be the creative, introspective, philosophical person I am today, questioning everything around me and hungering for meaning and knowledge if I were not "insane".
Who the fuck would i be had none of what has happened to me happened?
But I am not fucking insane.
I do not understand by what standards anyone would have the right to say such a thing to another human being. We've all got our shit we struggle with. Perhaps I struggle with one thing, but I accept that and understand that you (as a living feeling human being) probably do too.
I recall this particular reflection because it severely influenced the aggravating comments I have been receiving recently. The first. It was said that I was "crazy" in comparison to another's self-proclaimed lack of "vices". If I was, to him, the definition of crazy, what was his definition of normalcy? As far as I can see, our current state of being, our condition screams a lack of normalcy, morality, responsibility. I wish it were simple enough to formulate some textbook definition of what makes one "normal". If one existed, perhaps I would be more inclined to listen to the argument of "you are insane and I am not". However, one such definition will never exist, therefore, our placing of what another does as insanity or depravity, right or wrong, is formulated strictly by our own definition of such things.
I do things that are different from those around me. I often tap the up and down on my stereo's volume, listening to the change in sound. Yes, it is often ridiculously hard for me to focus on one idea, my mind a whirlwind of creativity and an abundance of questions. I am regimented, strictly adhering to strict ritualistic routines that I only run through to feel safe and comfortable.
But I am not "crazy".
I do not enjoy how the term mental illness or going through some sort of medicinal therapy makes me any less of a person than any other person.
I would not be the creative, introspective, philosophical person I am today, questioning everything around me and hungering for meaning and knowledge if I were not "insane".
Who the fuck would i be had none of what has happened to me happened?
But I am not fucking insane.
I do not understand by what standards anyone would have the right to say such a thing to another human being. We've all got our shit we struggle with. Perhaps I struggle with one thing, but I accept that and understand that you (as a living feeling human being) probably do too.