fitter, happier, more productive
Let's see.
In short, things are awesome.
In long, I think I'm slowly turning into a relentless, success oriented American, which, for the record, I am very unhappy to say might be a future possibility (or perhaps a current one). I need to watch my tendency to be a self-disciplined perfectionist because I know that running violently towards some perceived utopia (where hell yeah things are going to be better than they were before if I do this and this and this...) without self-care or rest equals burnout in the long run.
I think what is more likely to say is that I have never believed in myself enough to have the motivation or desire to do anything with myself and now that I've found it I keep relishing in the product. It might also help that for once, I feel very excited and humbled by what I'm doing, and I'm no longer a mentally ill teenager basking in my horror at the condition of the world (which still happens, I'm just excited to be doing something to change it). I suppose I finally mastered the art of directing my energy from fucked up thoughts to passionate ones.
Another reality I've come to except is that I really honestly want to get married and have a career and a family (not birthed from myself I'm beginning to think) and I figured that no worthwhile man would ever want to marry a passionless, unhappy to be living, misdirected lost tormented teenage soul, which, despite all my proclamations that I was not one, I completely was.
Faison is nice. I somehow already managed to be transferred since starting there, which is okay with me because I was not very excited where they had originally placed me. I'm starting Monday on a brand new team that just formed with mostly new students and new employees. The children are between 7-9 and I'm not concerned that I will be taken down by them as I was worried about older kids taking me down. All in all, it seems more my speed and its exactly what I have been used to in the past
I can't wait until Christmas and I find money to buy some Christmas gifts for my friends and family although I'm pretty positive I'm going the slow make my own gift route.
Hunter and I are really getting along. I finally ditched the attitude and he might have ditched his and we realized that we might be better than we think we are for eachother if we just take some time to really respect and care about one another, which is the whole fucking point of a relationship and the point we have been missing.
Lastly, I really have been missing my dad, but you know, I think he's proud if he's watching down. At least, I hope he is. I sometimes only do all this because I want to make him proud. And my mother.
In short, things are awesome.
In long, I think I'm slowly turning into a relentless, success oriented American, which, for the record, I am very unhappy to say might be a future possibility (or perhaps a current one). I need to watch my tendency to be a self-disciplined perfectionist because I know that running violently towards some perceived utopia (where hell yeah things are going to be better than they were before if I do this and this and this...) without self-care or rest equals burnout in the long run.
I think what is more likely to say is that I have never believed in myself enough to have the motivation or desire to do anything with myself and now that I've found it I keep relishing in the product. It might also help that for once, I feel very excited and humbled by what I'm doing, and I'm no longer a mentally ill teenager basking in my horror at the condition of the world (which still happens, I'm just excited to be doing something to change it). I suppose I finally mastered the art of directing my energy from fucked up thoughts to passionate ones.
Another reality I've come to except is that I really honestly want to get married and have a career and a family (not birthed from myself I'm beginning to think) and I figured that no worthwhile man would ever want to marry a passionless, unhappy to be living, misdirected lost tormented teenage soul, which, despite all my proclamations that I was not one, I completely was.
Faison is nice. I somehow already managed to be transferred since starting there, which is okay with me because I was not very excited where they had originally placed me. I'm starting Monday on a brand new team that just formed with mostly new students and new employees. The children are between 7-9 and I'm not concerned that I will be taken down by them as I was worried about older kids taking me down. All in all, it seems more my speed and its exactly what I have been used to in the past
I can't wait until Christmas and I find money to buy some Christmas gifts for my friends and family although I'm pretty positive I'm going the slow make my own gift route.
Hunter and I are really getting along. I finally ditched the attitude and he might have ditched his and we realized that we might be better than we think we are for eachother if we just take some time to really respect and care about one another, which is the whole fucking point of a relationship and the point we have been missing.
Lastly, I really have been missing my dad, but you know, I think he's proud if he's watching down. At least, I hope he is. I sometimes only do all this because I want to make him proud. And my mother.