(Untitled)
Who: Tron and Open
When: After he's had a few millicycles to adjust to the new Grid.
Where: The Outlands and Hideout
What: Chasing his own demons
Warnings: Nothing except possibly more wangsting Tron. 9_9
( Coming )
When: After he's had a few millicycles to adjust to the new Grid.
Where: The Outlands and Hideout
What: Chasing his own demons
Warnings: Nothing except possibly more wangsting Tron. 9_9
( Coming )
For the first time, he was able to gaze at everything with full consciousness, and he spent a long moment simply looking at the books that lined the wall, his head tilted to read the spines emblazoned with the language of the Users, feeling a twinge of sadness as he remembered Flynn taking the time to actually teach him to read his language, in the early days of the Grid. Tron had only known how to read Binary before, and the native written language of their world that had no name because they'd never felt the need to put one to it.
There were so many here, more then he'd ever seen when Flynn was giving him things to help memorize the look and phonetics of it, so many worn texts with their spines cracked and bent and tearing away after cycles and cycles of use. He let his fingers hover over them gently, wanting to take them and read the wisdom of the Users contained within, but unwilling to make the final move lest it disturb them in some way.
He sighed and lowered his head, looking away and letting himself glance around, spying the dining table - Flynn had shown him long ago how Users preferred to dine, showed him the solid forms of the manipulated energy he'd used to create "food" that had never been something Tron had taken much of a shining to - the "fireplace" with the intricate decorations resting atop it, the opulent chairs and couch nestled in front of it, and the bed set in the wall not far away.
He noticed with a touch of confusion that someone seemed to have replaced the decorations that had once been placed atop the dining table, after Clu had tossed them about in a fit of rage, and he stepped closer, gazing down at his disfigured reflection as if he could see who had been here through their placement. Of course, it was a fool's errand. And he found that none of these things gave him any of the closure he'd wanted so desperately to find.
He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn't realize when the lift began to lower silently back down to the vehicle-storage room. Instead, he simply made his way to the balcony, standing and staring out at the distant Outlands and City on the horizon and listening to the sound of the small energy pool as it lapped gently beside him.
So this was where his User had spent a thousand cycles hidden away from Clu and Rinzler and the rectified forces. It was beautiful, but...desolate. Lonely. Sacred and depressing at the same time. He sighed again, crossing his arms and letting his head drop gently as he fought back the pain he felt bubbling up in his chest.
[Hopefully not too bad. XD He'll at least recognize the Encom Grid gear, if that's what Clu1 still wears. :P It'll be a shock at the least, though.]
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When he approached a low platform, however, a lift began to descend, and he stepped back slightly, waiting for it to arrive. When it did, he stepped forward and took his place on it, after which it began to silently rise again, taking him up into the main living quarters.
Despite his facemask filtering it a bit, Clu too found himself blinking a bit, surprised by the unusual brightness of the room. However his eyes adjusted quickly, and he found himself gazing around, curious, at his User's former residence. A long shelf along one wall, lined with what Clu could only assume were data storage media of some kind. A table, set with a number of decorative objects, with chairs set around it. A glittering arangement of many small crystals suspended from the ceiling above the table. A couch and a few more chairs arranged in front of what appeared to be another shelf with an empty space of unknown purpose beneath it. More decorative objects rested on top of the shelf, in particular two small ornaments that vaguely resembled bits.
Everything was white and pristine, and, while there was litle physical similarity between the two structures, the room had the same air of otherworldly serenity that he had always associated with an I/O Tower. But, while the objects within were beautiful, the furniture and decorations artistic and elegant (if sadly lacking in color, in Clu's opinion), there was also a... sadness to the place that he couldn't quite define. The room, despite its brightness, felt forlorn and empty. Still, while he couldn't have said for certain whether anything had been moved, nothing was knocked over or obviously disturbed, which calmed his suspicions somewhat.
He stepped forward off of the lift platform and into the room itself, his gaze now drawn to the other program, who now stood on the balcony directly accross the room, his back to Clu. The man stood with his head lowered, apparently lost in thought and unaware of Clu's presence. Clu debated just waiting for the program to eventually turn around, but soon decided that it would probably be better to announce himself.
"Greetings, program," he said politely, his facemask distorting his voice just a bit. "What brings you all the way out here?"
[OOC: Given that neither of them has a disk, the worst that could happen would be a fistfight. X3 Though somehow I doubt that that'll happen.
And yeah, Clu's still got his old Encom gear, aside from the retractable facemask Yori added on to his helmet (so he wouldn't freak people out). It pretty much looks like Cobra Commander's metal facemask from the old '80's GI Joe cartoon, just this blank, silver thing that covers his whole face. You can google a pic if you're not sure what it looks like. :3]
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He took a step back, suspicious and curious at the same time, and found his eyes scanning over the facemask that hid his identity from view and distorted his voice at the same time. It was obviously not something of the old systems, but he knew no one on the Grid had dressed like that since it's creation. So this Program had been here, on this Grid, for some time. Enough time to begin adapting to the new way of things. But whether that was a good sign or not - especially given his coloration - was something he couldn't discern as easily.
He shook his head wearily, glancing around himself with his one good eye as he did so. Know the possible escape routes, determine what might be used as a weapon in place of his missing disks, ensure that there were no other Programs with the newcomer who would be coming out of hiding in the coming minutes to attack him if the other wanted to do him harm.
"...Greetings. I...don't know. Have you taken up residence here? If you have, I'm sorry if I have disturbed you. I did not mean to impose myself on anyone. I just wanted-..." Answers? Peace? Solitude? "I simply came to see my User's home, now that he's gone."
And he was averting his gaze again, staring humbly at the wall beside the other Program's shoulder in a way that allowed him to watch him for any sudden movements and yet allowed himself to hopefully show he meant no violence and was not a threat to the other Program.
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However, that oddity was quickly shoved to the back of his processor when the other spun to face him, obviously startled. Clu was very glad, for once, that his facemask hid most of his shocked reaction, as it no doubt would have seemed horribly rude. Some of it still came through in his body language, though, as he tensed and almost, but not quite, took a reflexive step back.
The man before him was horribly scarred, almost the entire left side of his face destroyed, reduced to broken pixels. It was obviously old damage, and it explained the faint rumbling sound he'd heard, but it was still horrible to see. And that wasn't all. The face, despite its disfigurement, was one he knew he'd seen before, in records from both this system and the one from which he'd come. And if there had still been any doubt, the distinctive arrangement of four glowing, blue-white squares near the man's colarbone banished it.
Tron. This was Tron. Well, a Tron, but still Tron. Tron, the hero. Tron, the one who derezzed the MCP. Tron, the Champion of the User Believers. Tron, friend of Flynn and protector of the Grid.
...Tron, whom his brother had done horrible, unforgivable things to. Tron, whom his brother had brutally reprogrammed and enslaved for 1000 cycles as Rinzler. Tron, whom his brother had all but destroyed in more ways than one.
"You're... Tron," he said, half to himself, when the other had finished speaking, his tone almost hesitant. He was aware that he was stating the obvious and probably sounded a bit foolish in his shocked surprise, but was unable to say anything else for a moment as he attemtpted to calculate how best to deal with this most unexpected of developments. Finally, he shook his head slightly to clear it before continuing. Tron had asked him a question, after all.
"I... uh... no, I don't live here," he explained. "In fact, I didn't even know this place was out here. I saw your lightjet flying over and wondered why anyone would be heading out this way, so I followed. Then, when I saw this place, and realized what it was, I was worried whoever it was might have been up to no good, so I came in to... make sure you weren't, I guess." He shrugged slightly. It only now occured to him that he'd really had no plan for what to do if the program he'd encountered had turned out to be a theif or some other unsavory type who would likely have been rather violently opposed to his intrusion, and he felt somewhat foolish.
"I... didn't realize it was you, of course," he added after a moment, rubbing the back of his helmet a bit sheepishly. He didn't want to seem like he was implying that Tron, of all programs, would do any harm to his User's home.
And here, he realized, was where he should probably make some excuse to leave and extricate himself as gracefully as possible from the situation before things got ...complicated. Before he could do so, however, he paused, considering. He couldn't very well avoid the various Trons forever, especially if more of them kept seemingly coming out of the gridwork. And this Tron had no disc, which removed one of his primary concerns about facing them- namely, sudden, spinning deresolution if things went bad. Then there was his fairly recent meeting with Lizor, which, though he couldn't really say it had gone well, at least hadn't been nearly as disastrous as he'd feared it would be and had resulted in a mutual understanding between them. It was, frankly, unlikely he'd get a better opportunity to make his first attempt at speaking with one of the Trons. That decided him.
"Actually," he began after a moment, hoping he wasn't making a big mistake, "Flynn is my User too. He was my User before he was anybody else here's User, in fact. I was written- and derezzed- before he ever created the Grid, then rerezzed here not that long ago." He hesitated a bit before continuing. "I'm... not sure if he ever mentioned me or not..." He paused, mentally readying himself for whatever reaction the other had to his next words. "...I'm Clu. The original Clu."
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He had yet to even go to the Armory or one of the clothing facilities to see if he could have a visor made to help conceal the scars. It would make it less of a shock for those who met him, and allow him to feel perhaps just a little more comfortable, being able to hide it behind even something that small. He made a mental note to do so soon.
The Program's voice came again, though, and he gave a small, weary smile in return, nodding and relaxing in return as he glanced away. "I am. For what it's worth. I'm...not the Tron in charge, however. I'm just..." What? He'd never thought about what he was now, when he wasn't the protector of the Grid, wasn't the Guardian, wasn't the Champion or the one that everyone looked up to. He'd slipped into a more secluded, isolated way of existence in the millicycles since his return, and he found that - aside from his restlessness and desire to be doing something - he preferred it that way. He simply shrugged. "I'm just one of the duplicates."
He tilted his head curiously as the other explained, and though the other Program seemed to stumble over his words for a moment, worried he'd offended him, he smiled gently back, a somewhat sad look. He understood the worry he must have felt, that someone would destroy the User's home, that someone would deface it, defile it, desecrate the sanctity of it's grounds, and he respected him for it. He could not take offense in someone believing he had had ill intentions, not after all the cycles when he had.
"It's ok, I understand. I would have done the same." The strange sort of subtle awe and the faith in Tron's intentions the other had stung, though, and his smile faultered, his gaze turning away thoughtfully. "It was still a valid concern to have. There's no way of knowing who you can trust anymore. I know I am not above suspicion. Not after what I've done. Thank you, for wanting to help keep this place safe." For wanting to keep the sanctity of the User's home, and knowing how important and special it was.
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Tron didn't know what he felt in the moments following the other's revelation. He felt glad, to know the Program Flynn had been sad to lose was ok, rerezzed and able to live his life again. He felt sad, to know that Flynn would never be able to know it. Guilty, that he had not been able to safe the Program's User from his deresolution, and at the same time realizing that were it not for Flynn's sacrifice at the Portal, then this Clu would not be standing here today, brought back from the malfunctions created by the explosion of the reintegration.
He turned a sad gaze to him, nodded as he stepped closer silently and reached out tentatively, touching his arm. At the very least, he owed this Program, older even then Tron himself, an apology for failing his User and allowing it to happen. He recognized the subtle tensing in the other's frame, and at the same time, knew that by the distinction he made between himself and the Clu Tron had known, he must have known what had happened, and felt in some way uncomfortable, worried that his identity would be taken poorly. He could not judge the Program for the actions of his successor. They were two different beings, created for different functions, in different times. He could not be held accountable for the actions of the tyrant.
"Flynn mentioned you. He was very proud of you. I know if you had still been alive when he created the Grid, he would have brought you over as well. He wanted to. We looked, but..." He shrugged gently. It didn't need explaining, of course. "I'm...I'm sorry we were unable to meet under better terms. And I'm...sorry, for your Creator's deresolution. I should have been able to save him. I'm sorry I failed."
Tron, it seemed, was unable to pull himself out of his constant state of restitution. Every Program he met deserved nothing less then to be allowed to hate him, rage against him, lash out at him if their pains were great enough that they needed to take their revenge. He could not feel pride over those around him, now. He'd done such horrible things, he didn't expect them to accept his apologies or forgive him in turn, and if they felt the need to act out against him, then he would accept it when the time came. But he wanted to say it at least, wanted to let them know how much he knew he had wronged them, and how much he regretted it. The same applied to Clu, who's User he had allowed be torn from him and abused, even if the Program had been derezzed long before the events. In this regard, he had failed Clu, as well.
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At Tron's assertion that he was just a duplicate, Clu just nodded. "Well, you're still Tron," he said with a slight shrug. "You're just as much Tron as any of them are, and for all anybody knows, you could be the original. The only difference is that they arrived earlier."
He'd already determined not to treat any duplicate program or User like they were some backup copied in by mistake. He knew how irritating, difficult, and in his own case, dangerous, it could be to be mistaken for someone you weren't. This 'version' of Tron was no less valid than any other and would be treated as such.
Clu nodded slightly at Tron's reassurances that he wasn't offended by his initial suspicions, but also frowned in a combination of confusion and concern behind his mask at the way the other's somewhat sad smile faltered, and at the words that followed it. From the outside, the confusion, at least, was evident in the slight tilt of his head. "Thanks, but I don't know how much use I would have been if there had been trouble," he admitted. "I'm not armed, and I just now realized that I didn't really have a plan either." He couldn't help but chuckle and shake his head slightly at his own foolishness. "Not the brightest move, in retrospect."
"But," he assured the other, becoming serious again, "I do know that you wouldn't do any harm to this place. Not if you had any choice in the matter, anyway."
He knew that the other was referring to his time as Rinzler, but Tron was not Rinzler, any more than Clu was his brother. They were two separate personalities, even if they did happen to share one body. And so long as it was Tron in control, Clu knew he had no reason to worry about his User's home.
He had always respected Tron, even if their functions may have clashed with each other somewhat. Which, or course, only made it harder knowing what his brother had done to him. The former sysadmin had taken the heroic User Champion and turned him into a shadowy wraith, a vicious killer, remorseless and obedient. And yet even Rinzler was, in the end, a victim of his brother's madness, bound and shackled by his brother's reprogramming, helpless to resist or disobey until his connection to his User and dear friend had broken those bonds. That that connection had proved stronger than his brother's reprogramming was testament both to the strength of Tron's faith and to the strength of their friendship.
After what had happened with Lizor, Clu had been expecting the other to react badly to the revelation of his identity. True, he was not the Clu who had done so much harm to so many, but it had been made abundantly clear to him that he was a living unpleasant reminder of everything the sysadmin had done, sharing his face, his name, and even his color. And the various Trons had, debatably, suffered more because of his brother than any other programs on the Grid. Clu could hardly have blamed the other if he'd been angry, or perhaps even frightened of him. He'd been prepared for the possibility that the other would lash out at him, as Lizor had, either verbally or physically (though he'd very much hoped to avoid the latter, this, after all, being Tron).
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Clu didn't interrupt as the other went on, but behind his mask his eyes widened in surprised confusion. 'Wait a nano.... is he appologizing to me...?!' Clu's processes kind of stalled for a moment at that complete reversal of the situation he'd been expecting. Why in the Users' name did Tron, of all programs, feel the need to appologize to him?
A look of blank confusion crossed his face behind the mask for a moment as the other finished appologising, but it passed quickly. Clu shook his head a bit to unscramble his processes before reaching out to gently grip Tron's shoulder with his free hand. "There's nothing to appologise for," he said gently but firmly. "I know the whole story, and I know you did everything you could. You're the only reason he even survived past my brother's original assassination attempt. Then you saved him again, during the light-jet chase. Twice, you came through for him when there was no other help possible, and twice, you sacrificed yourself to save him. What happened after that was his decision; I doubt you could've stopped it even if you'd been at the portal with him, and from what I understand, it was the only real way my brother could've been stopped at that point." He paused a moment, giving a soft sigh at that sad necessity, before continuing. "So no, you don't have to appologize. In fact, I want to thank you, for being there for Flynn and protecting him when I couldn't."
He paused again, before continuing sadly. "Frankly, I'm the one who needs to applogize," he said. "What my brother did to everybody, but especially to you and the other Trons... I know there's nothing I can say or do to ever really make up for even part of it. There's really no way you can appologize for something like that, but for what it's worth... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what my brother put you and the other Trons through." He paused again and lowered his head slightly. "Like I said, I know there's no way it can ever really make up for something like that, and I'll understand if you don't want me around, but... I wanna help. Do something, to try and help make things right. And if there's anyone should be trying to make right with it's you and the other Trons. So... yeah...", he finished a bit uncertainly, "if you need a hand, and there's something I can do..." He raised his head again, looking the other in the eye as he left the offer open, unsure what Tron's reaction would be.
[OOC: Woo, super-long posts! X3 Also my Clu is of the opinion that your Tron is in some serious need of Flynn hugs. <3]
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"It makes little difference. From what I've seen, they're at least in better control of their functions then I am. I..." He shook his head again, glancing away bitterly, and when he spoke again, his voice was soft, whispered, ashamed. "I have a hard enough time finding the courage to get out of bed every millicycle. If it weren't for my inability to sit still for extended periods of time, I probably wouldn't have left it since I came back."
The slight tilt of the other's head drew him out of his uneasy mutterings for a moment, though, and he couldn't help but shake his head, giving the softest of laughs, little more then a sharp exhalation in reply. "Maybe not. But it just proves the strength of your conviction. Not everyone would have done the same."
He looked uncomfortable, though, at Clu's confidence in him. No, he wouldn't have done anything to harm Flynn or his home as Tron. And others had tried their hardest to reassure time and again that he was not to blame for Rinzler's actions. But he could not find it in himself to let go of the guilt. It was so foreign to him, the thought that it wasn't his fault. There were times when their confidence and reassurances frustrated him, made him want to scream and lash out at them for the pain it caused. He wanted nothing more then to be free of the guilt. He wanted to be free of the thousands of cycles of memories. But nothing he could do would allow him to feel the relief in his own mind. He felt broken, glitching, corrupted, like nothing would ever be alright again. So even if he never let his calm, quiet demeanor shatter and explode the way he wanted, it was still there, seething inside of him, constantly threatening to drive him insane. And at times he felt as if it were building up inside of him, higher and higher with every millicycle. He was terrified to think what would happen when the tension finally snapped.
He kept his eye turned down as Clu grasped his shoulder, even as he tried - as all the others had - that he was not to blame, that he'd done everything he could. It was always the same. They did not blame him. They always seemed so sure that he had done everything in his power to stop Clu2. They never saw the cycles he'd been watching Clu, holding back instead of acting on his suspicions before it was too late. They did not see how long he'd been so certain he'd been planning something, and had simply stood by, always saying he needed more evidence, foolishly expecting there to be more time to do so.
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"You don't...you don't understand. I knew. I knew he was planning something. I stood back and watched and waited for so many cycles. I was a fool! Flynn trusted him, he tried to tell me to relax, so I just...waited, and hoped one millicycle I'd finally have enough evidence to make him believe. I should have just derezzed him and accepted the deletion for disobeying the User. At least then he would have lived." His voice was soft, strained, distorted and broken and crackling with the disrupted purr of his damaged code.
Through his pain, though, the irony in Clu's own apology was not missed, and he couldn't help but look up, confused. He shook his head, disbelieving that the Program felt the need to apologize for something that had been wholy and completely out of his control. Others may have insisted that Tron was not responsible for what happened, but Clu himself had not even been alive, had been from a completely different system altogether.
"There's no reason for you to apologize. There was absolutely nothing you could have done. You served Flynn, you derezzed for him, cycles before this system was even begun. What our Clu did is not your fault. I would never ask for an apology from you for something he did, and if the other Trons of this system are as close to me as they seem, then neither would they." And yet, the irony of their situation hit him, made him pause before he gave another soft, bitter laugh, glancing down at the floor between them. "Listen to us. We're talking ourselves in circles."
And then he sobered again, glancing back up at the featureless mask, his mouth pulling down gently at the corner. "Either way, I'm sorry to say I have nothing for you to aid in. That's the other Tron, the one in the Arena. I just...exist. I don't even perform my programmed functions any longer, not since I've been back." He had nothing to live for, now, though he would never have put it in such melodramatic words. He had no one to protect, no one to watch over, did not even trust himself enough to step foot in the Games again. It was evident, though, in the way he secluded himself, avoiding the rest of the Grid as much as he could, in the mere fact that he had not even made an effort to return to the armory and replace his disk. All he knew was the pain he felt and the restlessness of waking up every millicycle, needing to do something and without the courage to do it.
"But no, Clu, I will not forsake you for what the reprogrammer did. I will never ask you to carry his guilt on your shoulders."
[OOC: Yaaay! \o/ OMG, I swear, these two BOTH do! And honestly, EVERY character in the entire franchise does. Even Flynn himself!
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Tron's reaction to his thanks, however, startled him out of his grim processes. Behind the mask, a look of concern and sympathy crossed his face, as Tron's shoulders slumped and he cursed himself for a fool. His face may have been mostly hidden by his hand as surely as Clu's was by his mask, but his pain was still evident in his distorted and broken voice.
Clu thought for a moment, trying to decide how best to word his reply, giving Tron's shoulder what he hoped was a reassuring squeeze in the meantime. Much like Flynn's words about his brother, Tron's words about his own perceived failure gave him something to process on. Fortunately, his feelings on this matter were not nearly so muddled, and he was able to formulate a response fairly quickly.
"Maybe you did know he was up to something," Clu said gently, "but there was no way you could have predicted what he would do. Or when he would strike. Or how he would go about it. I mean, I know for a fact what he did, and I still can hardly believe it sometimes. There was no way you or anybody else could have known that he was glitched up enough to turn on his own Creator like that. It might seem obvious now, but at the time, you didn't have the whole image, just fragments. At the time, with the information you had, you did exactly what you should have done."
"Not to mention, derezzing someone because you think they're going to do something wrong would be... a very dangerous precedent to set," he added. "That time, you were right, and he was up to something. But what about the next time you or some other security program was sure someone was up to no good? Or the next time after that?" He paused slightly; there was no need to state the possible consequences of something like that. "It's just... not a good idea to punish someone for something they might do in the future, especially in a way you can't take back later. You were smart enough to know that, I think."
"At the time, you did what you thought was right, and followed your function as well as you could," Clu continued, "which is all any program can do, in the end. If you made a mistake, you've more than paid for it. And as bad as things were, they could have been much worse, if you hadn't been there in those two critical moments. Both times, you made certain Flynn survived long enough to do some good. You gave him a chance that he wouldn't have had otherwise. And even if you can't accept it right now, well... I can't not be grateful for that."
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"But yeah," he agreed, "you're right. We're not getting anywhere like this." They could go round and round with apologies and assurances til they both ran out of energy, at this rate.
He nodded his understanding at Tron's feeling of purposelessness. He knew how that felt, at least; he'd been in such a state himself, ever since the shock of his initial rerezzing had worn off. "I know what you mean," he said. "I... don't really even have a function to perform here, when you get right down to it. I mean, what good is a hacking program when you can't access any other systems? I've been learning the system, helping out where I can, and where other programs'll have me, but..." He shrugged. "I'm not really of much use here..."
A thought struck him, however. Maybe he could do something to help this Tron after all! "Well then," he offered, a bit tentatively, "if I can't do anything else for you... maybe I can at least be your friend? You seem like you could really use one, and that way, we can at least be useless together." A small, grimly amused smirk crossed his face behind the mask at that last statement. There really was too much of Flynn in him prevent his smart-assness from showing itself a bit, even when he was being serious. He just hoped Tron was willing to accept his offer.
[OOC: TOTALLY. Flynn hugs for everyone~! XD And on this Grid, it might actually be possible for Flynn to hug himself. X3]
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"I didn't know, I couldn't...I wanted to keep him safe, it was my primary directive above all others, but Clu hid his plans from me, I didn't know!" In his own processor, what should have been reasons to prove to himself that he need not carry the guilt he refused to let go of instead twisted around, and when he spoke, voice strangled and whispered and horrified at what had been done, it was instead as if his not knowing had perhaps been a failure on his part. As if he were begging to be held accountable for this lesser sin and not for his failure to be there to save Flynn in the end of things. "I should have done more!"
But then the next words he heard made him stop. While others had tried to comfort him so often in the past, this was the first thing that his processor had been able to understand and accept completely. The wisdom of it was like a shock to his system. Had he slipped so far that he would have allowed himself to nurture the idea of derezzing those who had yet to commit any crime? He knew he would do anything to protect those around him, but he had never before wanted to harm anyone without knowing for certain of their wrong-doing. He could not deny the sense of right Clu's words held.
He nodded gently, and when he seemed to come out from behind his hand, brushing his fingers up through his hair and pushing it away from his face before crossing his arms in front of him, there was a clarity in his expression that he hadn't had since finding himself on the edge of the sea, a tiny glint of shock at the weight of the truth. Tron would never have derezzed another Program without just cause. Rinzler, however...he shuddered at the fear the thought gave him.
"You...you're right. I...Even when I had to derezz a Program in the past...I never..." He glanced back at the mask covering the other Program's face, unable to hide the emotions that flickered across his features. Flynn always told him he had a terrible poker face. And he didn't even know what a poker face was. "I would never have done something to harm an innocent Program. Even...even when he attacked us, all those cycles ago, I couldn't bring myself to derezz Clu even then. I couldn't believe he was so corrupted that he couldn't be saved. He was our friend." In a way, like a brother. But Tron's grasp on User terminology was too limited to feel comfortable using that word.
He was silent for a breath, a distant look on his face as he found himself using the moment of clarity to make a scan of his systems, reflecting back on his state since rezzing once more in this system. Though the other Program had not known him before his reprogramming, it would be obvious that at least for now, something had changed. His mind was clear, the dark gaze he'd surveyed everything with gone. He was more himself now then he had been in a long time.
"I think...I think something is corrupted." And it was obvious that whatever it was worried him. When he spoke again, it was with an almost reluctance. He had barely had the courage to admit these things even to himself. It was not something he would have admitted out loud to anyone. "Something in my code has not set itself back to what it should be. When I found myself by the Sea, and when Quorra found me and explained what happened, I-...I'm worried Rinzler is still there. The truth of Flynn's deresolution put too much stress on my processor, and for a micromillicycle, it-he-it almost took over again." His already whispering voice dropped even lower, almost inaudible. "I still feel the emptiness trying to take control again at times. When I'm stretched too far."
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It was faulty reasoning, however, and he realized it. He knew - especially with the stress he felt for doing so even now, so soon after coming back - that there would be a millicycle when it would become too much for him. What would happen if he lost himself to his own personal virus all over again? Would he have the strength to fight it off once more?
When Clu spoke again and his thoughts were pulled away from himself once more, he seemed to relax fractionally, shaking his head sadly at him. "Even with fragments of your code in him, there's nothing you could have done to stop him. No action you made in the past could have aided or impeded his actions here. Your help is good, the system is in such need of repair, but...you should take joy in it. Don't do so because you feel the need to make up for sins you didn't commit. Others have told me to look at this as a second chance to make the Grid what it should be. You should do the same. Enjoy it for what it is. It was an amazing thing, in the beginning. What Flynn and...and even your brother did, to make the system what it was, was awe-inspiring. We built and expanded out of joy. Maybe that's why you're here. You didn't have a chance to experience that the first time. Don't cloud the chance the Users have given you now with guilt." And boy, aren't those words he should take to heart himself? He can't help but give a small laugh, though, and a bit of a mischievous smirk. "Besides. If I have anything to do with it, if the other Clu ever makes an appearence here, I'll make sure he's held...accountable..."
He shrugged gently at Clu's evaluations of his own usefullness, shaking his head. "There's no reason you can't be useful. In the early days, when a Program's function was completed, Flynn would sometimes give them a new one, or have Clu do it when he was away. That's how he was able to reprogram so many in the first place. There are always going to be Programs who's functions are required less then others. Perhaps you can aid those trying to find lost data. And if the system ever does have an access point installed, then maybe the Users will have need of your hacking abilities, then." Despite what some might have expected, Tron had never had a problem with a hacking Program who served under the User of the system he was in. If they acquired their directive from the User in control, then they were a part of the Grid, and every function they did was an authorized activity. It was simply the hackers from outside systems that could cause problems. And only when they were being used against a properly functioning system, for the wrong reasons. Clu's attempts at infiltrating the MCP, for instance, had been an honorable task.
Clu's offer of friendship seemed to catch him off guard, though, and for a moment, he simply stared at him in surprise. Not that he found the thought of befriending the Program distasteful, but he was shocked that the other would want his friendship. But then he realized again that none of the Programs he'd met since rerezzing here had made any attempts at being anything but, even those who should have wanted to derezz him, by all rights. Finally, he gave a small smile, a gentle laugh at the wry joke the other made, and nodded.
"I find it hard to believe Programs would mistake you for our reprogrammer. You are far more like the User then the System Admin. It's...disarming." Kind of confusing, too. "And reassuring. I'd like that."
[OOC: PFFT! XD Yes! Poor Flynn!]
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Clu could understand the feeling of wishing he could have done more, or in his own case, done something, to prevent what had happened. But Tron, as far as he could tell, really had done everything that a program could possibly do in his situation. Twice, he had saved Flynn from deresolution at the treacherous sysadmin's hand, buying him just enough time to get to safety, both times nearly at the cost of his own life. The first time had made certain that at least one ISO survived the Purge. The second had resulted in the end of his brother's tyranny and the present state of the Portal. Which in turn was allowing some of those who'd been derezzed to return, bringing Users and ISOs back to the Grid, and was the only reason Clu himself was even alive to have such thoughts.
Even Tron's scarred face, though horrible to look at, was a testament to his bravery, to how much he'd been willing to sacrifice for his User. Perhaps to combat oriented programs such a Tron and Lizor, such damage was a mark of shame, but to Clu, the oposite was true. Their scars, visible and invisible, were symbols of their courage, their loyalty to their User and their comrades, and only reinforced the respect he had for them. They would never be something to be ashamed of.
His next words, however, finally seemed to have the intended effect, snapping Tron out of his litany of self-accusation. His expression was clearer than any Clu had yet seen him wear, as if some shadow had retreated from his face and his remaining eye. Once Clu processed it a bit, he would realize that it was much closer to the expression he'd often seen Tron wearing in the records he'd examined. Right now, though, he just knew it was a vast improvement over his previous anguished state.
His hand still resting only the other program's shoulder, he felt the shudder go through him before he spoke again, saw the emotions that flickered prominently across his face. "I know...", Clu said. "I can't help thinking sometimes that that might be why I was rerezzed here; to make sure that at least some part of him could be redeemed. To make sure that the name Clu and his face, my face... Flynn's face, didn't just wind up going down in history as belonging to the next MCP."
He listened silently to Tron's confession, which was a good thing. If he hadn't been silent, chances are he never would have heard the last bit of it. He himself was also silent for a moment, privately comparing what Tron had just told him to his own worries, his fear that there had perhaps been some vulnerability in the code he shared with his brother that had made him more susceptible to or perhaps even caused the corruption that eventually consumed him. Some weakness that he too could fall prey to, if he wasn't careful.
But he knew that his coding problem was, at this point, merely a suspicion. Tron's, meanwhile, was a very real problem. "Well," he said after a moment, "it seems that the logical thing to do would be to see if something can be done about it. A repair program might be able to help. Or better yet, one of the Users; I've run into a couple of them since I rerezzed here, and I'm sure they'd be willing to help, if you asked. You might need to get a new disc first, though. And in the meantime, try to avoid overstretching yourself, if that's what triggers it." Clu shrugged slightly, wishing he had some more useful advice to give. But he wasn't a recompiler or other repair program and knew better than to meddle with things so far outside his function.
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"Lizor... wasn't exactly thrilled to find out that Aadi was friends with a Clu, even if I wasn't the one everyone remembered." Users, was that ever the understatement of the decacycle. "She's an ISO, see, so I can't really blame him for being suspicious. Aadi was one of the ones who stumbled across me when I first rerezzed here; she was very kind to me, even though at the time she had every reason not to be. She arranged a meeting between me and Lizor, just a few millicycles ago. Can't really say it went well, but at least he and I both managed to come to an understanding."
He couldn't help but chuckle at Tron's mischievous smirk. "You may have to get in line for that, from what I've seen," Clu said of Tron's promise to hold his brother accountable for what he'd done. "Or at least hope that you find him first." Even if he doubted that he himself would ever be able to to derezz any version of his brother, outside of a life-or-death situation, he couldn't deny anybody else their right to do so, if it came down to it.
Clu nodded thoughtfully at Tron's evaluation of his usefulness, crossing his arms loosely over his chest. "I guess... I just haven't quite gotten my processor around the idea that I'll be able to have a permanent place here," he said. "That there's not going to be any mission sending me off to some other system for for millicycles at a time. The idea that I could have a home here and not just a place to stay is... weird. It might sound strange to most programs, who spend their entire runtime in one or two systems like you have, but for me, that kind of... permanence takes some getting used to." He shrugged slightly.
He smiled at Tron's laughter and nodded. "I'm glad," he said. "And yeah, I get that alot. Usually, once I've actually gotten a chance to talk to somebody for a little while, explain things, then it's not a problem. It's more the initial reaction I get that's the trouble." A slight pause as he considered, then he derezzed his facemask with a soft whirr and a click. "Walking around with this face and this circuit color tends to not make the best impression, and I don't want to scare anyone. Or startle them into attacking me, thinking I'm my brother. Or both of the above. That's why Anon goes around with his helmet up; he's got Flynn's face too, and doesn't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Of course, Flynn doesn't look like this now, so at least he doesn't have to worry about that..." Clu shrugged slightly.
[OOC: And Clu unknowingly drops the bombshell that Flynn is back among the living and that he's seen him, figuring Tron would've heard the rumors by now. X3 This should be fun... XD]
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