New update
Ask your self this when fear touches you in some way that shatters all hope of trying to move forward and you tried everything but you effects are shot down. What would you do, how would you feel, could you ever believe in anything better, and do you know what I’m talking about? I feel so many things inside that I thought I would never feel. I’ve been in some place that I though I would never be in and for so long. I have lost a piece of me I didn’t think I would of so young.
I started thinking this after seeing something on TV and saw the pain in someone’s eyes even if it was made up for TV it still got to me. Some people in life find the one that meet to be with, for some things just work out for them and for others it doesn’t. What I don’t understand how god decide how things work out. Some people try and try in live to do everything that they can and it’s not good enough. You know it’s not good enough because you’re told hear nothing after nothing after applying, your unemployment run’s out, and you’re living well below the poverty level. For some of use were healthy, have money to maybe decide tide yes over, family to go home to but for others there they don’t. How does god de ones fate in life? Some people pry every day for someone to love, food on the table, a warm place to go, and a better life but they never get it. I don’t understand.
I have never been happier since I made one life choice but ever though I pick my mood and have things to be grateful for I still have fears, stress, nightmares, I feel defected, and terrified every day.
I’m tired of smiling on the out side and having all this going on. I’m losing faith in god, the lad that we call America, and I don’t know if our present can help us. I don’t know how much longer my happiness will last. I’m slowly starting to feel more then broken. I can’t even help myself and I tried. I’m just a little to short of money, or not what there looking for. I don’t understand so much. I’m so confused on how I got here, some people do things, and everything turns out all right. Some may say I need to be afraid of losing everything. What happens after you are all ready there? Were do you go for here. I don’t know of any feeling lower then being afraid that you are going to lose everything, that you failed in life, that your terrified every day, and you don’t know how long you can keep happy.
There are so many things I don’t understand like how god decide our fate, who we are to love, and why some loves just don’t work out because of life. I don’t understand how someone can just give up on loving someone and walk away. I don’t understand how someone can say they love someone but stand them up and be heartless. I don’t understand how we ever got this bad in our country, how someone can bring a life into this world without knowing that things will work out and what I don’t understand keeps going on and on.
Also in all this time, I believed that I would have a job shooting photo’s or helping with people who were so much a part of my life. My little birdie that once sat at my window has been gone, and that idea washed away when they left before my three-month job was done. It affected me deeply, even more so then not being able to find a job.
At the same time, I lost my job these people who meant the world to me were there and everything would be all right but then they up and left for no reason I knew of. Not that there might have been a reason but I did not know the reason. How do you ever write, express how this affected you, your feelings, and how much they meant to you? When they left they took a big part of my heart that hasn’t healed it’s self. I lost a big part of me that day.
Those last two paragraphs, the opening one is from a blog about a year ago, and it still affects me. It affects me even greater then before and I don’t know anymore. Behind all this happiness, is everything I wrote and then some. There are always there and I don’t know when I’m going to hit my breaking point. I don’t know if I even want to be there myself. The nights are the worse when there is nothing going on. The events of the day done, all sounds of life off, and just me trying to sleep. I said what I have been keeping inside. So please don’t lecture me on any of this it brings me down worse and I just cry tears I don’t want to cry. I’m trying my best to keep happy but life is always there taking me down farer and farer. This time read this and try to understand how I feel, what I deal with, and be there for me. I’m not asking for money but for a friend to be there when I fall. I know people write about dally life all the time how things go wrong and bring them down and no one lecture them. So please don’t start with me. Just try feeling what I feel and being in my shoes.
I started thinking this after seeing something on TV and saw the pain in someone’s eyes even if it was made up for TV it still got to me. Some people in life find the one that meet to be with, for some things just work out for them and for others it doesn’t. What I don’t understand how god decide how things work out. Some people try and try in live to do everything that they can and it’s not good enough. You know it’s not good enough because you’re told hear nothing after nothing after applying, your unemployment run’s out, and you’re living well below the poverty level. For some of use were healthy, have money to maybe decide tide yes over, family to go home to but for others there they don’t. How does god de ones fate in life? Some people pry every day for someone to love, food on the table, a warm place to go, and a better life but they never get it. I don’t understand.
I have never been happier since I made one life choice but ever though I pick my mood and have things to be grateful for I still have fears, stress, nightmares, I feel defected, and terrified every day.
I’m tired of smiling on the out side and having all this going on. I’m losing faith in god, the lad that we call America, and I don’t know if our present can help us. I don’t know how much longer my happiness will last. I’m slowly starting to feel more then broken. I can’t even help myself and I tried. I’m just a little to short of money, or not what there looking for. I don’t understand so much. I’m so confused on how I got here, some people do things, and everything turns out all right. Some may say I need to be afraid of losing everything. What happens after you are all ready there? Were do you go for here. I don’t know of any feeling lower then being afraid that you are going to lose everything, that you failed in life, that your terrified every day, and you don’t know how long you can keep happy.
There are so many things I don’t understand like how god decide our fate, who we are to love, and why some loves just don’t work out because of life. I don’t understand how someone can just give up on loving someone and walk away. I don’t understand how someone can say they love someone but stand them up and be heartless. I don’t understand how we ever got this bad in our country, how someone can bring a life into this world without knowing that things will work out and what I don’t understand keeps going on and on.
Also in all this time, I believed that I would have a job shooting photo’s or helping with people who were so much a part of my life. My little birdie that once sat at my window has been gone, and that idea washed away when they left before my three-month job was done. It affected me deeply, even more so then not being able to find a job.
At the same time, I lost my job these people who meant the world to me were there and everything would be all right but then they up and left for no reason I knew of. Not that there might have been a reason but I did not know the reason. How do you ever write, express how this affected you, your feelings, and how much they meant to you? When they left they took a big part of my heart that hasn’t healed it’s self. I lost a big part of me that day.
Those last two paragraphs, the opening one is from a blog about a year ago, and it still affects me. It affects me even greater then before and I don’t know anymore. Behind all this happiness, is everything I wrote and then some. There are always there and I don’t know when I’m going to hit my breaking point. I don’t know if I even want to be there myself. The nights are the worse when there is nothing going on. The events of the day done, all sounds of life off, and just me trying to sleep. I said what I have been keeping inside. So please don’t lecture me on any of this it brings me down worse and I just cry tears I don’t want to cry. I’m trying my best to keep happy but life is always there taking me down farer and farer. This time read this and try to understand how I feel, what I deal with, and be there for me. I’m not asking for money but for a friend to be there when I fall. I know people write about dally life all the time how things go wrong and bring them down and no one lecture them. So please don’t start with me. Just try feeling what I feel and being in my shoes.