The Lonely, Lonely World
In 2008, there were around 6,700,000,000 people (. That's almost seven billion people...seven billion! How can there be nearly seven billion people in the world and yet still have so many of us feel so lonely, forgotten, invisible?
Over the last few months, someone near and dear to me revealed that the loneliness was such that emotional companionship was found elsewhere. Another person who is near and dear to me revealed that the opportunity was there and it took nearly everything to prevent it. Both of these people were married, both have young children, both have a child with special needs, both have the weight of the world on their shoulders, and both of them felt that they could not talk to their loved ones for fear of causing more stress for them. These two wonderful, loving, caring, and amazing individuals were lonely, though not alone.
Parents of children with special needs often feel alone in the world. We feel as though we are the only ones in the world who are dealing with the things that we deal with. The stress of our children being successful in school, helping to keep the meltdowns, rages, and ups and downs of this life at bay, and most of all, the stress of trying to raise these beautiful children with a happy heart. Aside from the child with special needs, what about these amazing siblings? These children are often forgotten, or get the brunt of the anxiety induced meltdowns. They get the "not right now, I've got to do such and such for your brother or sister", "Not right now, I need to make this phone call, send this email, fill out this form for your brother/sister." Yet, they are such loving, empathetic and amazing beings. It's impossible to believe that anyone else in the world can understand what we live with trying to meet the needs of everyone around us.
Lately, I have started reading more blogs by parents with children who have special needs. One thing that I have learned is that nearly all of them post more of the positive things that happen than the negative, they don't talk about the lowest points in parenting these special little gifts from God. I have a couple of friends who are dealing with very similar children, but even they are so busy that I don't feel like I can really tell them what's going on, I feel that I can't lean on them because they are like me - they are just barely holding on themselves. In a lot of ways, I feel like those two people who are so near and dear to my heart. How can I add my burdens to my friends? If I do and they fall, then is it my burdens that gave them the final push? Would that be my fault? I am so sorry if that is the case, and that's why I try so hard to just hold all of my thoughts and fears in. I don't even feel safe blogging all of my thoughts because I don't want others to think that I don't love my son. The fact is, I love my son so much that my heart hurts, I have true, physical pain when we are going through difficult times and when my baby hurts. And when my baby is happy, my heart is so joyful that I cry tears of joy. The happy, free from anxiety moments for my baby boy are so few and far between that they make my heart skip beats, they make me smile and cry and want to scream to everyone in the world that we have had a happy, good, wonderful experience. However, when I do, I receive comments that my bragging is annoying. I get private messages that people are sick of hearing me talk about my "wonderful, perfect children". If only they were as perfect as I like to believe they are. If only those people had an idea of just how important those happy times are in the life of my amazing son.
How can there be nearly seven billion people in this world and yet, we are lonely? I am lonely. I have my wonderful husband, but as a Mama, I am lonely. I feel like no one else in this world is living with the situation I am living with. I am sad. I feel lonely, forgotten, and I feel invisible. I know I'm not alone, but yet I am lonely and heartbroken.
Over the last few months, someone near and dear to me revealed that the loneliness was such that emotional companionship was found elsewhere. Another person who is near and dear to me revealed that the opportunity was there and it took nearly everything to prevent it. Both of these people were married, both have young children, both have a child with special needs, both have the weight of the world on their shoulders, and both of them felt that they could not talk to their loved ones for fear of causing more stress for them. These two wonderful, loving, caring, and amazing individuals were lonely, though not alone.
Parents of children with special needs often feel alone in the world. We feel as though we are the only ones in the world who are dealing with the things that we deal with. The stress of our children being successful in school, helping to keep the meltdowns, rages, and ups and downs of this life at bay, and most of all, the stress of trying to raise these beautiful children with a happy heart. Aside from the child with special needs, what about these amazing siblings? These children are often forgotten, or get the brunt of the anxiety induced meltdowns. They get the "not right now, I've got to do such and such for your brother or sister", "Not right now, I need to make this phone call, send this email, fill out this form for your brother/sister." Yet, they are such loving, empathetic and amazing beings. It's impossible to believe that anyone else in the world can understand what we live with trying to meet the needs of everyone around us.
Lately, I have started reading more blogs by parents with children who have special needs. One thing that I have learned is that nearly all of them post more of the positive things that happen than the negative, they don't talk about the lowest points in parenting these special little gifts from God. I have a couple of friends who are dealing with very similar children, but even they are so busy that I don't feel like I can really tell them what's going on, I feel that I can't lean on them because they are like me - they are just barely holding on themselves. In a lot of ways, I feel like those two people who are so near and dear to my heart. How can I add my burdens to my friends? If I do and they fall, then is it my burdens that gave them the final push? Would that be my fault? I am so sorry if that is the case, and that's why I try so hard to just hold all of my thoughts and fears in. I don't even feel safe blogging all of my thoughts because I don't want others to think that I don't love my son. The fact is, I love my son so much that my heart hurts, I have true, physical pain when we are going through difficult times and when my baby hurts. And when my baby is happy, my heart is so joyful that I cry tears of joy. The happy, free from anxiety moments for my baby boy are so few and far between that they make my heart skip beats, they make me smile and cry and want to scream to everyone in the world that we have had a happy, good, wonderful experience. However, when I do, I receive comments that my bragging is annoying. I get private messages that people are sick of hearing me talk about my "wonderful, perfect children". If only they were as perfect as I like to believe they are. If only those people had an idea of just how important those happy times are in the life of my amazing son.
How can there be nearly seven billion people in this world and yet, we are lonely? I am lonely. I have my wonderful husband, but as a Mama, I am lonely. I feel like no one else in this world is living with the situation I am living with. I am sad. I feel lonely, forgotten, and I feel invisible. I know I'm not alone, but yet I am lonely and heartbroken.