just got to let it out

[grf]

sitting here
my depression hits me hard from left feild
i know i am fine
i'm doing good right now
but the depression holds me
ties me down

but regarless

i want to start something new on here
i want to explore something stronger in my life then my metal state
when i was 19 i was outed and pressed into christan theropy
parell to that theripy i ran screeming from the collset
being what i thought Gay was
i changed myself fitting the molds of a political faggot
spending the following 5 years looking for who i was by where i fit in the world
swapping friends actions manerisms and cities when i couldn't fit the mold

one day i started carving my own mold sculpted a life in a dieing city.
shortly after set out to find my own way
with out relizing my actions i stopped searching for who i was
having spent the my life identifing whith what i thought i should be
now looking in ward more then ever i am so finding that guy
lables don't do him justice
lables never had
but in my head and my hand i know him
my eye reconizes hime for the first time

i sent years avoiding mirrors for that reason
i never knew the face
nomatter what i oeirced \
or shaved or let go
i would wake up and look up from the sink
and shake my head

and just the other day looked up and i new the face
it looked right

thats me
i so wanted to make out with him
9i know just what you all need, me to be more concied and self abosorbed)

now the next step

take this guy i found and force him out throw my hand
generate abody of work of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of
well me
so here's to showing your true colors

it might be a late start i turn 26 on saturday
but i am so looking forrward to my future

up beat and positive and i still depressed
i'll push on and it will pass
and i remember it's a part of the guy i know
and that it only a part

thanks for letting me get it all out it's been kicking round for a few days and i needed to prosses it all out loud