A Weekend Worth Posting
i had a lovely weekend a while back and wanted to share!
Friday: finished work, exercised, and played 5hrs (five hours) of magic cards with some great guys next door! my neighbor has a weekly game with friends that occasionally lands at his place. i haven't played in a large magic game for years and years, and these guys are super into their magic! they had accessories that made me look like a novice (like playing mats to put their cards out on, and one guy had DARTH VADER card protectors): i knew i was in good hands. i arrived around 730, around 1230 i was calling 'uncle' (to walk to my bed 20' away) and they were surprised i was leaving so early. :P maybe next time i will prepare for the shmorgishborg-orgy of magic that they are apparently used to. it was pretty great.
Saturday: got up pretty early and started cleaning. i made myself a light breakfast, and enjoyed my morning. R biked over and we went down the street to her friend's apt for a pre-dyke march brunch. apparently, before THE Gay Pride Parade! there is the Dyke March. i know, it sounds angry. militant even. counterpoint this to what i'd kept hearing about THE Parade being entirely to commercial. Sure, it should be as loud, flamboyant, and celebratory as possible. but there were complaints that 'pink-wash' was rampant in recent years. Anyway, R's friends were the most dressed up and diverse group of women; each embodying a different aspect of the queer spectrum (though certainly not all). and the gathering pre-march was delightfully familiar.
Having lived in a number of different small-ish towns, i have come to recognize a common energy to gay pride events. community-minded, visibility, first-Am speech flexing, a group-mentality of camaraderie, and plenty of pride. the Dyke March participants were not all butch females. there were all sorts of different people there to be together and support acceptance and tolerance through visibility. a group had pre-made signs for people that wanted to grab them: i swooped up a "Bi-Pride" sign, and was pleased as punch. the march went through the 'little Vietnam' area (~3blks south of my apt, and a favorite grocery destination), and generally around the neighborhood south of me: Uptown. it is a highly diverse and semi-rough area for the north-side of Chicago; the route was about a mile even. it was fun seeing all the people marching and spectating, signs, and dykes on bikes (hott!). at the end we were back in the park where we had gathered. there was free food and bands. i hung around for a little while, then headed off down the redline train.
i've made a new friend who is a BIG gamer and we get along splendidly. i'm totally excited to yoink him into my burgeoning gaming group as a fellow shadowrun enthusiast. i met up with him, G, for some sushi dinner at Itto (http://www.ittosushi.com/), which was wonderfully authentic. everyone working there was japanese, and there were plenty of japanese patrons. the Agedashi Tofu (always my indicator of good japanese) was FABULOUS!! after running around outside for several hours, plenty of sushi and beer was the perfect way to recharge for the rest of the night. Next, G and i headed downtown to the Chicago theater. he originally bought two tickets, and when he started asking around, i was the only person who was excited about both the opener and headliner. opener: King Crimson Project (what's left of a progressive rock band from the 70s); headliner: Dream Theater (really talented heavy metal band). it was SO MUCH FUN! it has been quite some time since i've been in a headbanging situation. a couple of years ago i was able to do some moshing at the marilyn manson concert, but a while since my last headbanging fix. :) because the bands were basically from two different generations, it was really neat to see all the father-son combos there. plus, metal concerts are funny with all the black band t-shirts that everyone wears. i screamed my head off, threw the horns, bounced around ecstatically, and banged what little hair i have to the beat. afterwards, grabbed some beers and a late-night meal, and headed home.
Sunday: THE Pride Parade was sunday. met up with G (he'd never been either), and took the train down to the area. it was just what you might expect: a jam-packed, parade atmosphere, with men in boys' shorts aplenty, and all the rainbows you could hope for. it took us nearly an hour to squeeze through two blocks of people and then cross the street to stand with some other friends that were there. during that adventure, with all the people there, i happened to run into my partner (of our firm), which was pretty awesome. i even stood in the direct sun for about two hours watching the parade once we were at our set viewing spot with my friends. it was good energy, and i'm really glad i went. the people and floats in the parade were mostly politicians, and local organizations and companies. i didn't feel like it was a horribly 'corporate' event, which was a relief. leaving, and getting away from all those people was also interesting: it felt like such a vacuum to suddenly be walking on a street with just a few pedestrians per block. there were late lunchin's, and then G and i looked at shadowrun character creation for a while back at my place.
this weekend followed the two weekends of my family visiting. and, as you can see, i did not have time to get much done. i've been playing catch up since, it feels like. everything was in order in time for my boardgame party (which was last weekend), where we played 4hrs of the Battlestar Galactica game among other things: and it was AWESOME!!! i think i make a ridiculously good Admiral. :)
i feel like my life is alternating between having all these great experiences, and these short low-points where i hug my plushy shark pillow and cry myself to sleep. does everyone feel this hopeless and desolate inside sometimes? i suppose it will get better, though i am not sure how. i feel like a whiner to complain because my life problems are pretty small comparatively, but they still hurt the shit out of me. yesterday for instance: i went to the beach with R and her german boyfriend who is visiting for two weeks. it was a great time, and R is so lovely and sweet. but then my evening plans took a raincheck and i crawled into bed and watched all the fireworks from my apt (the entire horizon was teeming with colored explosions), snuggling with someone's jacket they didn't want back and feeling thoroughly miserable for myself. he gave his secret blog name to someone else, and now he's using it for his semi-public love letters, which makes me feel just fantastic. argh, i should never have looked (pony already said i should avoid looking back like a plague of zombies with the plague), and a restless night of bad dreams was my punishment i suppose.
add on top of that, a wonderful skype with my dear friend B (he's teaching english in Korea), who told me that he's planning on settling down in asia after he returns to the US to finish a writing program. i suppose our relationship is horribly complex in its utter simplicity. i have been in love with him for a very long time, even though he has never lead me on (in fact, being quite adamant that he would never be able to love me the way i would need him to). so i go from having a nice chat with him, to upset that he hasn't asked me to move with him to asia in the future, which makes complete sense. i don't know why i have to validate myself through a romantic relationship, but there is a part of me that really likes and wants intimate and permanent companionship. i want to have someone to come home to; someone in bed every night to curl against. why is it so hard to find someone? it seems like other people have little difficulty finding their special person(s), while my love life is some-sort of painful cycle which gets worse with every go around. i give up on love, i reject that it will ever be kind to me. it is no longer worth the pain it causes and the way it makes me feel in the end. love is dead for me. eh, this is what therapy is for, i suppose.
Friday: finished work, exercised, and played 5hrs (five hours) of magic cards with some great guys next door! my neighbor has a weekly game with friends that occasionally lands at his place. i haven't played in a large magic game for years and years, and these guys are super into their magic! they had accessories that made me look like a novice (like playing mats to put their cards out on, and one guy had DARTH VADER card protectors): i knew i was in good hands. i arrived around 730, around 1230 i was calling 'uncle' (to walk to my bed 20' away) and they were surprised i was leaving so early. :P maybe next time i will prepare for the shmorgishborg-orgy of magic that they are apparently used to. it was pretty great.
Saturday: got up pretty early and started cleaning. i made myself a light breakfast, and enjoyed my morning. R biked over and we went down the street to her friend's apt for a pre-dyke march brunch. apparently, before THE Gay Pride Parade! there is the Dyke March. i know, it sounds angry. militant even. counterpoint this to what i'd kept hearing about THE Parade being entirely to commercial. Sure, it should be as loud, flamboyant, and celebratory as possible. but there were complaints that 'pink-wash' was rampant in recent years. Anyway, R's friends were the most dressed up and diverse group of women; each embodying a different aspect of the queer spectrum (though certainly not all). and the gathering pre-march was delightfully familiar.
Having lived in a number of different small-ish towns, i have come to recognize a common energy to gay pride events. community-minded, visibility, first-Am speech flexing, a group-mentality of camaraderie, and plenty of pride. the Dyke March participants were not all butch females. there were all sorts of different people there to be together and support acceptance and tolerance through visibility. a group had pre-made signs for people that wanted to grab them: i swooped up a "Bi-Pride" sign, and was pleased as punch. the march went through the 'little Vietnam' area (~3blks south of my apt, and a favorite grocery destination), and generally around the neighborhood south of me: Uptown. it is a highly diverse and semi-rough area for the north-side of Chicago; the route was about a mile even. it was fun seeing all the people marching and spectating, signs, and dykes on bikes (hott!). at the end we were back in the park where we had gathered. there was free food and bands. i hung around for a little while, then headed off down the redline train.
i've made a new friend who is a BIG gamer and we get along splendidly. i'm totally excited to yoink him into my burgeoning gaming group as a fellow shadowrun enthusiast. i met up with him, G, for some sushi dinner at Itto (http://www.ittosushi.com/), which was wonderfully authentic. everyone working there was japanese, and there were plenty of japanese patrons. the Agedashi Tofu (always my indicator of good japanese) was FABULOUS!! after running around outside for several hours, plenty of sushi and beer was the perfect way to recharge for the rest of the night. Next, G and i headed downtown to the Chicago theater. he originally bought two tickets, and when he started asking around, i was the only person who was excited about both the opener and headliner. opener: King Crimson Project (what's left of a progressive rock band from the 70s); headliner: Dream Theater (really talented heavy metal band). it was SO MUCH FUN! it has been quite some time since i've been in a headbanging situation. a couple of years ago i was able to do some moshing at the marilyn manson concert, but a while since my last headbanging fix. :) because the bands were basically from two different generations, it was really neat to see all the father-son combos there. plus, metal concerts are funny with all the black band t-shirts that everyone wears. i screamed my head off, threw the horns, bounced around ecstatically, and banged what little hair i have to the beat. afterwards, grabbed some beers and a late-night meal, and headed home.
Sunday: THE Pride Parade was sunday. met up with G (he'd never been either), and took the train down to the area. it was just what you might expect: a jam-packed, parade atmosphere, with men in boys' shorts aplenty, and all the rainbows you could hope for. it took us nearly an hour to squeeze through two blocks of people and then cross the street to stand with some other friends that were there. during that adventure, with all the people there, i happened to run into my partner (of our firm), which was pretty awesome. i even stood in the direct sun for about two hours watching the parade once we were at our set viewing spot with my friends. it was good energy, and i'm really glad i went. the people and floats in the parade were mostly politicians, and local organizations and companies. i didn't feel like it was a horribly 'corporate' event, which was a relief. leaving, and getting away from all those people was also interesting: it felt like such a vacuum to suddenly be walking on a street with just a few pedestrians per block. there were late lunchin's, and then G and i looked at shadowrun character creation for a while back at my place.
this weekend followed the two weekends of my family visiting. and, as you can see, i did not have time to get much done. i've been playing catch up since, it feels like. everything was in order in time for my boardgame party (which was last weekend), where we played 4hrs of the Battlestar Galactica game among other things: and it was AWESOME!!! i think i make a ridiculously good Admiral. :)
i feel like my life is alternating between having all these great experiences, and these short low-points where i hug my plushy shark pillow and cry myself to sleep. does everyone feel this hopeless and desolate inside sometimes? i suppose it will get better, though i am not sure how. i feel like a whiner to complain because my life problems are pretty small comparatively, but they still hurt the shit out of me. yesterday for instance: i went to the beach with R and her german boyfriend who is visiting for two weeks. it was a great time, and R is so lovely and sweet. but then my evening plans took a raincheck and i crawled into bed and watched all the fireworks from my apt (the entire horizon was teeming with colored explosions), snuggling with someone's jacket they didn't want back and feeling thoroughly miserable for myself. he gave his secret blog name to someone else, and now he's using it for his semi-public love letters, which makes me feel just fantastic. argh, i should never have looked (pony already said i should avoid looking back like a plague of zombies with the plague), and a restless night of bad dreams was my punishment i suppose.
add on top of that, a wonderful skype with my dear friend B (he's teaching english in Korea), who told me that he's planning on settling down in asia after he returns to the US to finish a writing program. i suppose our relationship is horribly complex in its utter simplicity. i have been in love with him for a very long time, even though he has never lead me on (in fact, being quite adamant that he would never be able to love me the way i would need him to). so i go from having a nice chat with him, to upset that he hasn't asked me to move with him to asia in the future, which makes complete sense. i don't know why i have to validate myself through a romantic relationship, but there is a part of me that really likes and wants intimate and permanent companionship. i want to have someone to come home to; someone in bed every night to curl against. why is it so hard to find someone? it seems like other people have little difficulty finding their special person(s), while my love life is some-sort of painful cycle which gets worse with every go around. i give up on love, i reject that it will ever be kind to me. it is no longer worth the pain it causes and the way it makes me feel in the end. love is dead for me. eh, this is what therapy is for, i suppose.