"The Reason" by aussirayne
Title: "The Reason"
Author: aussirayne
Recipient: escapismrocks
Pairing(s)/Gen Partipants: Addison/Derek
Rating/Warnings: PG ish
Summary: Season three could have been very different...
Disclaimer: Grey's and its characters belong to Shonda and some other people who have way more money than I do.
Additional notes: Fic will eventually be archived at my fic journal aussirayne_fics.
She could have said no. She could have walked away from him, left this god forsaken city and ignored the fact that she ever loved him.
But then, no, she really couldn’t. There was no bump showing yet, but she convinced herself that she felt the flutter of the tiny being housed in her soon-to-be-expanding belly. She still had three weeks to rectify the situation. She wasn’t sure she wanted to have to break the news to her ex-husband that somehow she’d gotten pregnant, by him, just days before they’d parted ways and a mere three weeks before they finalized their divorce.
Addison parked the shiny Mercedes outside the trailer and sighed heavily as she turned the ignition off. Walking to the trailer, she saw the door swing open and watched as he stepped out onto the porch, shock evident on his face.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“We need to talk.”
“I think we said everything in the lawyer’s office.”
“Well, for the time being, yes we did. Things are different.”
“Not that different. You’re still screwing Mark.”
“And you’re still sleeping with Meredith. But, actually, I’m not sleeping with Mark. I haven’t been for weeks now.”
“And?”
“And nothing, Derek. Mark and I are nothing. That’s not the reason I’m here. You and I need to talk. Do you remember the last time we made love?”
“No, it’s been years since that happened.”
“Fine, do you remember the last time we had sex?”
“What’s this about Addison?”
“Nine weeks ago, give or take a few days. Before prom, before Mark, before the papers and the lawyer.”
“Yeah, what about it?”
“Well, it may have been bad, but it worked.”
“Worked?”
“God, this is fucking ridiculous. I’m pregnant. Nine weeks along.”
Derek stared, dumbfounded, having lost the ability to form coherent thoughts much less articulate them.
“Yes, this sucks. I was just as shocked when I found out.”
Derek closed his mouth and swallowed hard before sitting down hard in the chair.
“So, you’re having it?”
“I thought about having an abortion. I just couldn’t do that-“
Addison trailed off, “again” leaving her lips in a low whisper.
“Again?”
Addison sucked in hard and looked at Derek.
“Fuck.”
“Addison, what the hell are you talking about?”
“Yes, I am having this baby. And, yes, I said again. I was pregnant in New York.”
“You…what?”
“I had an abortion just before I left New York to come here.”
“Why did you have an abortion?”
“I couldn’t very well come out here to win you back if I was pregnant with your ex-best friend’s baby, now could I?”
“Mark’s. The baby was Mark’s?”
Derek scoffed and looked away from her.
“I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner.”
“Yes, you’d have saved me the trouble of stupidly attempting to work out our marriage and, in turn, saved us both the irritation that is this latest development.”
Addison’s hand instinctively pressed to her abdomen.
“I’m sorry, Derek. I really am, but I’m having this baby. You don’t have to do anything. I just thought you should know.”
“It’s my kid. Of course, I’ll help. Just let me know what you need.”
“I don’t need anything. Money isn’t an issue. Eventually, he or she will need a dad. I never really had my dad, and your dad died when you were young. I think we both want more for this baby…accident or no.”
Derek nodded.
“I agree.”
Addison wanted to sit, wanted to take his hand…wanted to ease the tension between them. She placed her hand gently on his shoulder. She knew she still loved him, and when he nuzzled his cheek against her hand, even briefly as that, she knew that he wasn’t as over her as he wanted people to believe.
Yes, she could have gotten rid of the baby and left Seattle, but her heart told her no. And standing there on the porch with Derek, no matter how outwardly awkward it seemed, she knew her choice was right. She looked down and saw her reason for staying swirling in his bright blue eyes staring up at her.
“I know we didn’t plan this, Derek. I don’t even know that I dared to imagine having children after the divorce and everything with Mark, much less having a child with you. I’m going to take this as a blessing, or at the very least, a sign. I’m going to slow down and raise this baby. Maybe I’ve been taking my life in the wrong direction, and now I have a reason to change.”
Derek half smiled up at Addison as she spoke.
“That sounds like a noble plan, Addison, but do you honestly think you can do that?”
“I don’t know, but I’m going to try. Like I said, you don’t have to have anything to do with me or this baby.”
Derek sighed and his eyes stared at his feet.
“That’s not what I meant, really, I guess. I just know that our lives being so hectic caused us to put off having kids, and that’s part of why we basically stopped living together and began merely coexisting in the same house.”
“And I know that, but I can’t change what’s already happened. I recognize my own part in all that. And I’m willing to share the blame. I want this baby. I want to be a mother. I think I have some good qualities to pass along to a new generation.”
Derek smiled at the excitement in Addison’s voice, something he hadn’t heard in quite a long time. He stood to face her.
“I agree, you do have some great qualities. Any kid would be lucky to have you as a mom. I’m not really sure I’m ready to be a dad, but I guess I don’t have much say, do I?”
“Technically, no, but I want you to want to be part of our baby’s life.”
“I make no promises, Addie, but I will try.”
Addison knew it was a step in the right direction, and though, deep down, she hoped it would lead her to happiness, she understood that fate had rarely worked in her favor in the past. Despite feeling lost in the sea of despair her life seemed at the moment, Addison took Derek’s hand and felt his firmly grip her own. She finally got a glimpse of the safety of shore and felt like was home.
Author: aussirayne
Recipient: escapismrocks
Pairing(s)/Gen Partipants: Addison/Derek
Rating/Warnings: PG ish
Summary: Season three could have been very different...
Disclaimer: Grey's and its characters belong to Shonda and some other people who have way more money than I do.
Additional notes: Fic will eventually be archived at my fic journal aussirayne_fics.
She could have said no. She could have walked away from him, left this god forsaken city and ignored the fact that she ever loved him.
But then, no, she really couldn’t. There was no bump showing yet, but she convinced herself that she felt the flutter of the tiny being housed in her soon-to-be-expanding belly. She still had three weeks to rectify the situation. She wasn’t sure she wanted to have to break the news to her ex-husband that somehow she’d gotten pregnant, by him, just days before they’d parted ways and a mere three weeks before they finalized their divorce.
Addison parked the shiny Mercedes outside the trailer and sighed heavily as she turned the ignition off. Walking to the trailer, she saw the door swing open and watched as he stepped out onto the porch, shock evident on his face.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“We need to talk.”
“I think we said everything in the lawyer’s office.”
“Well, for the time being, yes we did. Things are different.”
“Not that different. You’re still screwing Mark.”
“And you’re still sleeping with Meredith. But, actually, I’m not sleeping with Mark. I haven’t been for weeks now.”
“And?”
“And nothing, Derek. Mark and I are nothing. That’s not the reason I’m here. You and I need to talk. Do you remember the last time we made love?”
“No, it’s been years since that happened.”
“Fine, do you remember the last time we had sex?”
“What’s this about Addison?”
“Nine weeks ago, give or take a few days. Before prom, before Mark, before the papers and the lawyer.”
“Yeah, what about it?”
“Well, it may have been bad, but it worked.”
“Worked?”
“God, this is fucking ridiculous. I’m pregnant. Nine weeks along.”
Derek stared, dumbfounded, having lost the ability to form coherent thoughts much less articulate them.
“Yes, this sucks. I was just as shocked when I found out.”
Derek closed his mouth and swallowed hard before sitting down hard in the chair.
“So, you’re having it?”
“I thought about having an abortion. I just couldn’t do that-“
Addison trailed off, “again” leaving her lips in a low whisper.
“Again?”
Addison sucked in hard and looked at Derek.
“Fuck.”
“Addison, what the hell are you talking about?”
“Yes, I am having this baby. And, yes, I said again. I was pregnant in New York.”
“You…what?”
“I had an abortion just before I left New York to come here.”
“Why did you have an abortion?”
“I couldn’t very well come out here to win you back if I was pregnant with your ex-best friend’s baby, now could I?”
“Mark’s. The baby was Mark’s?”
Derek scoffed and looked away from her.
“I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner.”
“Yes, you’d have saved me the trouble of stupidly attempting to work out our marriage and, in turn, saved us both the irritation that is this latest development.”
Addison’s hand instinctively pressed to her abdomen.
“I’m sorry, Derek. I really am, but I’m having this baby. You don’t have to do anything. I just thought you should know.”
“It’s my kid. Of course, I’ll help. Just let me know what you need.”
“I don’t need anything. Money isn’t an issue. Eventually, he or she will need a dad. I never really had my dad, and your dad died when you were young. I think we both want more for this baby…accident or no.”
Derek nodded.
“I agree.”
Addison wanted to sit, wanted to take his hand…wanted to ease the tension between them. She placed her hand gently on his shoulder. She knew she still loved him, and when he nuzzled his cheek against her hand, even briefly as that, she knew that he wasn’t as over her as he wanted people to believe.
Yes, she could have gotten rid of the baby and left Seattle, but her heart told her no. And standing there on the porch with Derek, no matter how outwardly awkward it seemed, she knew her choice was right. She looked down and saw her reason for staying swirling in his bright blue eyes staring up at her.
“I know we didn’t plan this, Derek. I don’t even know that I dared to imagine having children after the divorce and everything with Mark, much less having a child with you. I’m going to take this as a blessing, or at the very least, a sign. I’m going to slow down and raise this baby. Maybe I’ve been taking my life in the wrong direction, and now I have a reason to change.”
Derek half smiled up at Addison as she spoke.
“That sounds like a noble plan, Addison, but do you honestly think you can do that?”
“I don’t know, but I’m going to try. Like I said, you don’t have to have anything to do with me or this baby.”
Derek sighed and his eyes stared at his feet.
“That’s not what I meant, really, I guess. I just know that our lives being so hectic caused us to put off having kids, and that’s part of why we basically stopped living together and began merely coexisting in the same house.”
“And I know that, but I can’t change what’s already happened. I recognize my own part in all that. And I’m willing to share the blame. I want this baby. I want to be a mother. I think I have some good qualities to pass along to a new generation.”
Derek smiled at the excitement in Addison’s voice, something he hadn’t heard in quite a long time. He stood to face her.
“I agree, you do have some great qualities. Any kid would be lucky to have you as a mom. I’m not really sure I’m ready to be a dad, but I guess I don’t have much say, do I?”
“Technically, no, but I want you to want to be part of our baby’s life.”
“I make no promises, Addie, but I will try.”
Addison knew it was a step in the right direction, and though, deep down, she hoped it would lead her to happiness, she understood that fate had rarely worked in her favor in the past. Despite feeling lost in the sea of despair her life seemed at the moment, Addison took Derek’s hand and felt his firmly grip her own. She finally got a glimpse of the safety of shore and felt like was home.