(Locked to Rachel)

[greyphoenix]

Jean sat at her vanity table, brushing her hair and staring at her reflection in the mirror. So much had happened in the past few days that she didn't even know where to begin. The one thing that had been praying on her mind most lately was thoughts of her daughter. Rachel. The last time she saw her

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[futures_of_ash]

It had taken...alot to get Rach here. Heavy shielding to hide the splintered shards of her mind, a great deal of nerve to even step back into a world not her own where by rights she should be hated.

Hated for the anguish she caused, the fear and anger she can sense just on the other side of the window she was outside.

So she stayed just outside, back against the wall next to the window, and snuffed the cigarette as it was lit. She shouldn't do that...she just...shouldn't.

[greyphoenix]

Jean takes another long drag on her cigarette, worry edging out the fear once more in their constant fight for dominance. More then anything, she wanted to know that her daughter was still alive. In so many ways, Rachel was her world. She'd been forcing herself to think positively in the beginning, wanting to believe that Rachel was just hiding herself, blocking her out for some reason. But as more and more time passed, Jean found herself increasingly afraid that somehow, somewhere, her daughter was dead. The very thought was enough to turn her body to ice. And the more she tried not to think about it, the more she did. Her sudden rash of nightmares was a result of the fear that she couldn't quite hide.

Leaning her temple against the cool glass of the window pane, Jean sighed softly. "Rachel... Rachel, where are you..." Silent tears slid down her face as she turned away from the window to rest her back against the wall, shoulders shaking slightly.

[futures_of_ash]

::You shouldn't be smoking:: she sighed into Jeans mind, the words leaving a taste of blood on the tongue and the feel of glass edged cuts through the cortex.

::Please...don't::

She doesn't say more, Jea will see too much of this broken telepath...

[greyphoenix]

Jean's eyes snap open wide. Reaching out tentatively... ~Rachel...? Is that you, sweety? Please... Oh please, let me know that you're alright...~

Jean waits tensly, barely breathing, praying desperately for a reply. That she didn't imagine the soft words in order to make herself feel better. Reaching out, she ground the cigarette out in the ashtray nearby, waiting.

~Please. Let me see you. It's been so long since I saw you. Please... I need to see you. Make sure you're alright. Hold you in my arms. My little girl... Please Aurora. Let me see you again.... Don't leave me...~

[futures_of_ash]

Gods...how much pain she'd caused.

She should have come sooner.

She shouldn't have come at all, let Jean mourn her and move on.

::You won't like hwta you see:: she cautioned. If he rblood laced thoughts weren't enough of an indication.

[greyphoenix]

Jean closed her eyes, focusing all of her emotions, her love, into her thoughts. ~I don't care. Whatever is wrong, we can fix it or work through it. I just need to know that you're safe. I love you, Rachel. You're my everything. Nothing else matters if you're not safe. I need to know that you haven't left me for good. Please... You're my little girl...~

Jean sent out a mental prayer to anyone who was listening that she'd hear her. That she'd listen. That she wouldn't disappear into oblivion once more.

[futures_of_ash]

::I'm safe now:: she admitted. The window slid open and in she came, fanning the smoke gently out the window.

She was wearing a tank tip and jeans so bedraggled they were better called rags, but that wouldn't matter once Jean caught sight of the scars. Delicate, artful ribbons simming up her arms to dissapear over her shoulders, ragged, rent scars showing along the peeks of thigh in the jeans.

She wasn't showing Jean her back. No, not yet. ::Bar keeps an eye on me...and...my family there came to get me out...::

[greyphoenix]

Jean looks at her, tears welling up in her eyes. She couldn't care less about the scars. More that her daughter had been hurt and she hadn't been able to do anything to prevent it. Moving faster then the eyes can see, she's suddenly in front of Rachel, her arms tightly around her, holding her daughter desperately. ~Oh God, Rachel. I thought I lost you. My poor little girl. I'm so very sorry. I tried, but I couldn't find you. I tried sensing for you, and couldn't find anything. I tried going back to the bar, but couldn't find my way back... I'm so sorry, Aurora. I should have been able to protect you

[futures_of_ash]

After a moment, Rachel's arms come up to hold Jean in turn, dry eyes pressed into her mother's hair ::Please don't call me that. That's...long past:: she asked gently at Jeans nickname for her. It hurt to hear it.

::You can't protect a hero Mom, it's not possible, you know that. Espcially as one old as I::

But she did sit on the bed, and she did close her eyes and lean her elbows on her knees, long, flame colored hair pooling down to the floor ::Gaunt found the Bar. He was going to take others unless I went back::

[greyphoenix]

Jean strokes her hair softly. ~Alright, I won't call you that anymore. But you have to understand, that wasn't as long ago for me as it was for you. I... Forget, sometimes.~

Jean sighs softly. ~I know that. I just hate feeling helpless to protect the ones I love. And believe me, that takes it's toll as well. I just... You know that I worry about you. And I wouldn't be your mother if I didn't try to protect you, even if it never seems to work.~

Jean strokes her daughter's hair softly. "I figured something similar, actually. Do you want to talk about it? Or do you want to just... I don't know. Be here. Like we used to be. I missed you so much, and I've been so frightened for you..."

[futures_of_ash]

::It's over a thousand years away for me:: she admitted, a touch sadly. So very long ago she's suprised she's even masochistic enough to still hold onto such memories.

::Out of all the realities, Jean, how come there's not a single one like? Someone who doesn't try to bounce me off the walls for the worry I caused, someone who doesn't scream at me being stupid or thoughtless...:: she sighed, not lifting her gaze from the floor.

::You don't want to kno about it, honestly. And I don't want to scream. I broke so much quicker this time::

[greyphoenix]

Jean just continues to calmly stroke her hair. Now that her initial worry has been soothed, she finds herself peaceful. Tranquil. "A thousand years..." She shakes her head softly. "Such a long time to suffer, and yet always rise from the ashes. How on earth did I ever raise such a strong, brave little girl. I'm so amazed by you, every moment

[futures_of_ash]

Rachel can't see what Jean sees. She can't. She's a hero, through and through, yes, but not one that glories in it. She does it...because it's right and it needs to be done. She can't see her own strengths, only the shattered remnants left.

::Don't talk about Dad. Father. Any one okay? He never...might not...never was a dad okay?:: she closed her eyes, hiding the shadows and shards that moved in the emerald now.

No, nothing shameful. Self-loathing is closer in some areas, but not truly ashamed. On has to believe in being worthy of shame, and she's simply not. Not from her roots, not to her present. ::He's dead now. Kitty and Goldie killed him::

[greyphoenix]

Jean continues her gentle petting, offering calm and compassion. Above all, her love.

"Alright. I won't talk about him. Though you're right. He never was much of a father, or a husband. Not the one from..." She started to say your reality, but that wasn't quite right. It had become her reality as well in some twisted way. "Not the one from this reality. Though, don't judge Scott here in the same light as from there. They are very different men. But we won't talk about them. They don't matter right now."

Jean smiles softly. "I hope you're talking about Gaunt, not Scott. Emma will be quite put out if you've killed her boyfriend." Her face becomes serious once more. "I'm glad. If he's dead, he'll never be able to hurt you again. I just wish..." That I had done it. she thinks.

"You're here now. You're safe here. Please... Stay. For a little while."