Incompatibility
As much as i dont wish to go through this again, there is not much of a choice.
How and why it happened, i havent really accept it yet. Things just happened too sudden, maybe for me it is. I definitely didnt see it coming. People around were shocked. They thought everything were going on well. They thought we were finally stabalising. Didnt he treat me really well when i was sick just two months ago? Didnt he fetch me to and fro, massaged my numbing body, brought me to satisfy my cravings the whole time? Just imagine them being so shocked by this, and how much more it is to me especially when i got to experience all these myself. The last stayover at his house before the break up ended with him surprising me with breakfast when i was showering, because i needed to go off early for the filming. To me, he was still that sweet boyfriend. That same boyfriend who told me he wouldnt leave me when i was suspected of having a medical condition. The same boyfriend who was there all the time when i broke down out of fear for my medical condition. I thought that brought us closer. It made me clearer that he would be the one i want to be with for the rest of my life. I was kind of wrong, wasnt i?
Ive been trying hard to understand and accept that both of us are not suitable, in the long run. Now i dont know what is compatibility anymore. What actually pulled us together for the 8 whole years. What made us go back again after all the fights and cryings. What had kept the relationship going after all the things we had been through. I thought all these meant something. Maybe just not enough for him.
For the past one week since the break up, i have tried to rationalise his thoughts and the things he told me. He was lost. He desperately needed directions and advices from people around him. He doubted the relationship and his feelings for me, again. Yes, again. He did not have a firm stand in this relationship at all. He gets easily swayed and influenced by the things he heard and seen around. He has too many friends telling him too many things that blurred his mind. For me, i guess i am the opposite. I was never doubtful on this relationship no matter what people told me. When people commented on my boyfriend (then) and our relationship, i didnt let them bother me abit. Because there were the bigger things that i had in the relationship people couldnt see. I had loved him despite of his flaws. Not just acknowledege these flaws, but accept them.
Guess what he needed now is a fun loving girl. I am not considered as an adventurous girl. I dont like to party and i think i am just too boring for him. Ironically speaking, this is how i am since day 1 when i met him 8 years ago. He could have found me boring so long ago, but no, we stayed together for 8 years and now he told me we weren suitable. Maybe he didn even love me all these while since we weren suitable, but no, he used to be so much in love with this boring girl in the past. So im thinking fun is what he wants now, not sleazily fun, but just a fun girl. Like what my brother said, comfort and security are what people take for granted and forgo easily. Maybe they only get acknowlegded and appreciated when the guy is committed to look for a lifetime partner. So this strength of mine, will probably only be appreciated by a guy who truly wants to settle down.
Dont tell me i deserve better. You have told me that three years ago. What i really wanted, was you to fight for us and be that person. Because i didnt need another person.
How and why it happened, i havent really accept it yet. Things just happened too sudden, maybe for me it is. I definitely didnt see it coming. People around were shocked. They thought everything were going on well. They thought we were finally stabalising. Didnt he treat me really well when i was sick just two months ago? Didnt he fetch me to and fro, massaged my numbing body, brought me to satisfy my cravings the whole time? Just imagine them being so shocked by this, and how much more it is to me especially when i got to experience all these myself. The last stayover at his house before the break up ended with him surprising me with breakfast when i was showering, because i needed to go off early for the filming. To me, he was still that sweet boyfriend. That same boyfriend who told me he wouldnt leave me when i was suspected of having a medical condition. The same boyfriend who was there all the time when i broke down out of fear for my medical condition. I thought that brought us closer. It made me clearer that he would be the one i want to be with for the rest of my life. I was kind of wrong, wasnt i?
Ive been trying hard to understand and accept that both of us are not suitable, in the long run. Now i dont know what is compatibility anymore. What actually pulled us together for the 8 whole years. What made us go back again after all the fights and cryings. What had kept the relationship going after all the things we had been through. I thought all these meant something. Maybe just not enough for him.
For the past one week since the break up, i have tried to rationalise his thoughts and the things he told me. He was lost. He desperately needed directions and advices from people around him. He doubted the relationship and his feelings for me, again. Yes, again. He did not have a firm stand in this relationship at all. He gets easily swayed and influenced by the things he heard and seen around. He has too many friends telling him too many things that blurred his mind. For me, i guess i am the opposite. I was never doubtful on this relationship no matter what people told me. When people commented on my boyfriend (then) and our relationship, i didnt let them bother me abit. Because there were the bigger things that i had in the relationship people couldnt see. I had loved him despite of his flaws. Not just acknowledege these flaws, but accept them.
Guess what he needed now is a fun loving girl. I am not considered as an adventurous girl. I dont like to party and i think i am just too boring for him. Ironically speaking, this is how i am since day 1 when i met him 8 years ago. He could have found me boring so long ago, but no, we stayed together for 8 years and now he told me we weren suitable. Maybe he didn even love me all these while since we weren suitable, but no, he used to be so much in love with this boring girl in the past. So im thinking fun is what he wants now, not sleazily fun, but just a fun girl. Like what my brother said, comfort and security are what people take for granted and forgo easily. Maybe they only get acknowlegded and appreciated when the guy is committed to look for a lifetime partner. So this strength of mine, will probably only be appreciated by a guy who truly wants to settle down.
Dont tell me i deserve better. You have told me that three years ago. What i really wanted, was you to fight for us and be that person. Because i didnt need another person.