How to Care for Met.
taken from calliopepurple
1. How can I tell if you're angry?
It's usually extremely obvious. I'm an open book. I get mad, stomp, swear, bitch about stuff. That's the alright anger, that's the one you don't have to worry about. Frustration and repressed rage are worse; frustration usually ends in me having a panic attack and attacking myself, or biting things, or throwing things, and crying. Repressed rage is just that, and only comes out very rarely in the form of cold comments. If I'm trying to repress it, it means I'm afraid of the person I'm angry at, and I'm trying to keep them from knowing I'm angry.
2. How should I behave around you if you're angry?
Mostly, just stay out of my way. My biggest fear is hurting someone when I'm angry, and I've done it before, so just let me burn myself out and eventually I'll segue into depression, or distract myself until I forget about it. Sometimes, I get so mad that I can't stand to be in the house, or in the neighborhood, or in the city. It's probably a good idea to go with me when this happens. My moods tend to shift extremely quickly when I'm alone, and I have a bad habit of trying to punish myself by pushing myself too hard, going to unsafe places or doing unsafe things, etc. If I'm really frustrated, it more means that I'm mad at myself for being a failure, and in that case, I need reassurance more than anything. I may not appear to believe it, but trust me, it does help. Please do not restrain me; do not keep me stuck in the house, do not hold me down, DO NOT RESTRAIN MY ARMS AND LEGS, do not strike me in any way, don't throw things at me, and please do not yell at me. Those are sure-fire ways to send me from anger to a panic attack.
3. How do you want me to behave when you are hurting emotionally? How is it best to comfort you?
Hold me and reassure me. That's usually the best way. Emotional pain often manifests as physical pain; if it gets bad enough, I try to take painkillers for it, even if I know they won't work. Without reassurance, my constant litany of self-abuse just makes me worse, until I do end up lashing out at myself. Just pushing the cat at me and walking away does NOT work, btw. Neither will trying to reassure me for a couple of minutes, then giving up and walking away. Neither will sexual advances. DO NOT DO THIS. If I'm already in emotional pain, that's a certain way to completely ruin me; I might seem receptive, but that's because the depression has made me catatonic and unable to fight back or say no.
4. Are there things we should not discuss?
Animal abuse. Divorce. Bad relationships. Also, please don't lecture me. If I'm doing something wrong, chances are, I know about it and I'm trying to fix it, and I appreciate the concern, I really do, but it just makes me feel like a little kid who's done something wrong.
5. How should I treat you when you are ill?
I'm whiny. Offer me medicine, and if I'm too sick to actually do anything, encourage me to drink tea and sleep. But usually, I need encouragement to actually get the fuck off my ass and go do what needs to be done. I hate myself for being whiny about it later, but at least I won't hate myself for not doing what I need to do.
6. What makes you happy that's in my power to grant you?
Hugs, pleasant conversations, spending time with friends. Cute pictures. Talking about something fascinating or beautiful. Stuff like that.
7. How would you like us to recognize your birthday?
I have basically everything I need. Granted, I don't have everything I want, and I am far from absolutely comfortable, but I'm doing alright. Buying me expensive things will make me feel indebted to you. It doesn't matter that it's just a gift, I'll still feel compelled to repay you somehow. Mostly, I do want it to be recognized, but I just want to spend time with those I love.
8. Are there any standing categories of presents that would be appropriate or unwelcome?
I'm not hugely picky. Again, I prefer spending time with people, so going out to a nice dinner, or a fun drive somewhere, or visiting a museum or something, are all a lot of fun for me. I don't really like most movies, though, and I have tons of books I haven't finished, though I always like cookbooks and collections of ghost stories.
Really expensive things, however, aren't really a good idea. Neither are things that are meant to evoke painful memories, nor drug paraphernelia. I grew up in that culture, and I see it as a medicine, not really recreational :|. Also, mirrors. I'm bad with mirrors.
9. Are there times of the year that are difficult for you? Please explain if you are comfortable.
Mid-October through the holidays is usually shitty for me. Valentine's Day is also difficult, as is the day after my birthday; the day after my birthday is pretty much consistently shitty for me. Most of my ex's had similar birthdays, so they all sort of run together in my head somewhere in the first or second week of August, but at this point, it doesn't really bother me anymore. But man, I hate the holiday seasons. Also: Fanime week.
10. Are there important anniversaries in your life?
October 17. December 3rd. February 14th is still ruined for me. January 10th is a positive one. Fanime week is a negative one.
11. How do I cater for you if you are visiting me?
Please don't make me sleep directly on the floor. Warn me if the couch is too small (I'm 5'7", but not very wide) and I'll bring an air mattress. Please warn me if there are dogs, how many and what kind. Please don't keep me cooped up the entire time. I get really cabin-sick after a while and antsy as hell, and I figure if I'm visiting somewhere, I want to get out and look around. Otherwise, I'm pretty okay.
12. If I want to contact you, how should I do it?
Email is metaka.m at gmail.com, and AIM is xmeteloidesx. Plurk is meteloides, and twitter is zombiehime.
1. How can I tell if you're angry?
It's usually extremely obvious. I'm an open book. I get mad, stomp, swear, bitch about stuff. That's the alright anger, that's the one you don't have to worry about. Frustration and repressed rage are worse; frustration usually ends in me having a panic attack and attacking myself, or biting things, or throwing things, and crying. Repressed rage is just that, and only comes out very rarely in the form of cold comments. If I'm trying to repress it, it means I'm afraid of the person I'm angry at, and I'm trying to keep them from knowing I'm angry.
2. How should I behave around you if you're angry?
Mostly, just stay out of my way. My biggest fear is hurting someone when I'm angry, and I've done it before, so just let me burn myself out and eventually I'll segue into depression, or distract myself until I forget about it. Sometimes, I get so mad that I can't stand to be in the house, or in the neighborhood, or in the city. It's probably a good idea to go with me when this happens. My moods tend to shift extremely quickly when I'm alone, and I have a bad habit of trying to punish myself by pushing myself too hard, going to unsafe places or doing unsafe things, etc. If I'm really frustrated, it more means that I'm mad at myself for being a failure, and in that case, I need reassurance more than anything. I may not appear to believe it, but trust me, it does help. Please do not restrain me; do not keep me stuck in the house, do not hold me down, DO NOT RESTRAIN MY ARMS AND LEGS, do not strike me in any way, don't throw things at me, and please do not yell at me. Those are sure-fire ways to send me from anger to a panic attack.
3. How do you want me to behave when you are hurting emotionally? How is it best to comfort you?
Hold me and reassure me. That's usually the best way. Emotional pain often manifests as physical pain; if it gets bad enough, I try to take painkillers for it, even if I know they won't work. Without reassurance, my constant litany of self-abuse just makes me worse, until I do end up lashing out at myself. Just pushing the cat at me and walking away does NOT work, btw. Neither will trying to reassure me for a couple of minutes, then giving up and walking away. Neither will sexual advances. DO NOT DO THIS. If I'm already in emotional pain, that's a certain way to completely ruin me; I might seem receptive, but that's because the depression has made me catatonic and unable to fight back or say no.
4. Are there things we should not discuss?
Animal abuse. Divorce. Bad relationships. Also, please don't lecture me. If I'm doing something wrong, chances are, I know about it and I'm trying to fix it, and I appreciate the concern, I really do, but it just makes me feel like a little kid who's done something wrong.
5. How should I treat you when you are ill?
I'm whiny. Offer me medicine, and if I'm too sick to actually do anything, encourage me to drink tea and sleep. But usually, I need encouragement to actually get the fuck off my ass and go do what needs to be done. I hate myself for being whiny about it later, but at least I won't hate myself for not doing what I need to do.
6. What makes you happy that's in my power to grant you?
Hugs, pleasant conversations, spending time with friends. Cute pictures. Talking about something fascinating or beautiful. Stuff like that.
7. How would you like us to recognize your birthday?
I have basically everything I need. Granted, I don't have everything I want, and I am far from absolutely comfortable, but I'm doing alright. Buying me expensive things will make me feel indebted to you. It doesn't matter that it's just a gift, I'll still feel compelled to repay you somehow. Mostly, I do want it to be recognized, but I just want to spend time with those I love.
8. Are there any standing categories of presents that would be appropriate or unwelcome?
I'm not hugely picky. Again, I prefer spending time with people, so going out to a nice dinner, or a fun drive somewhere, or visiting a museum or something, are all a lot of fun for me. I don't really like most movies, though, and I have tons of books I haven't finished, though I always like cookbooks and collections of ghost stories.
Really expensive things, however, aren't really a good idea. Neither are things that are meant to evoke painful memories, nor drug paraphernelia. I grew up in that culture, and I see it as a medicine, not really recreational :|. Also, mirrors. I'm bad with mirrors.
9. Are there times of the year that are difficult for you? Please explain if you are comfortable.
Mid-October through the holidays is usually shitty for me. Valentine's Day is also difficult, as is the day after my birthday; the day after my birthday is pretty much consistently shitty for me. Most of my ex's had similar birthdays, so they all sort of run together in my head somewhere in the first or second week of August, but at this point, it doesn't really bother me anymore. But man, I hate the holiday seasons. Also: Fanime week.
10. Are there important anniversaries in your life?
October 17. December 3rd. February 14th is still ruined for me. January 10th is a positive one. Fanime week is a negative one.
11. How do I cater for you if you are visiting me?
Please don't make me sleep directly on the floor. Warn me if the couch is too small (I'm 5'7", but not very wide) and I'll bring an air mattress. Please warn me if there are dogs, how many and what kind. Please don't keep me cooped up the entire time. I get really cabin-sick after a while and antsy as hell, and I figure if I'm visiting somewhere, I want to get out and look around. Otherwise, I'm pretty okay.
12. If I want to contact you, how should I do it?
Email is metaka.m at gmail.com, and AIM is xmeteloidesx. Plurk is meteloides, and twitter is zombiehime.