"I don't know why, but I know I can't stay."

[greygirlbeast]

It turns out denial is insufficient to stave off The End. I'm thinking of NCSoft pulling the plug on City of Heroes and Villains, but only because someone pointed me to this article: "The Demise of a Social Media Tracking Platform: Tracking LiveJournal's Decline." It's a good article. Still, I don't want to leave. But I have been systematically

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[seph_ski]

Sometimes I think I like the thought that the many years worth of entries I've made could just disappear. I see it as equal parts loss and release from a burden. I've been writing "morning pages*" for many, many years, and as I fill each cheap spiral notebook, I use the wire to bind it tightly into a roll and set it aside to burn the next time we have a fire. Granted, I put more thought into blogging that I do in those pages, and I have tagged a lot of my blog entries in a way that makes them somewhat valuable resources, but at the same time I feel like everything I cling to is a commitment, a burden that a number of my brain cells and a quantity of my energy must be dedicated to, and to be released from that burden sometimes feels more like a blessing than a tragedy.

I also get off on building sandcastles and snowmen, painting slates with just water, and many other impermanent arts and crafts though. ...Now that I'm talking about it, I'm realizing that the fact that I've never wanted to have a family is very likely related to this desire to not leave a mark.

* - Three hand-written stream of consciousness pages written first thing every day to clear the head.