(no subject)
where do i start? michigan has come and gone...for better or worse. it's weird how the older you get, the more different your perceptions become. yeah i was uneasy about taking JP to michigan with me, but by uneasy i just mean a little nervous about his nervousness but otherwise, soooo excited to bring him up and meet my insane and my insanely incredible family - not a huge deal or anything... ugh, not quite. the gohrbands were fine...everything went just as i expected...nothing i couldn't handle. we got to the murrays, everything was so different. i guess that our families have gotten to the point where everyone is caught up with what is going on in their immediate family, rather than the "murrays" as a whole. i wanted my grandparents and my uncles and aunts and my cousins to warm right up to JP, so they could see some of what i see from him, but instead they were just so fucking preoccupied. wait, that's not quite fair, my cousins were really good about JP being there. mike and him hit it off pretty well and my godson jack likes JP better than me...but yeah, the cousins all liked him. grandma was really good too - but then again it's grandma...she's amazing. i don't know what i'd do without her. it scares me a little because i know her health has been waning in the past few years - but she never seems to let it get to her - she's always the first one up, always cooking something for someone. she loves her family so much, and the way she opened up to JP really made me so happy. i guess it's just the murray men that concern me. my uncles didn't even give him a second glance...didn't even ask what he's doing, where he's at school, what he's studying...small talk. ugh such bullshit. but then again, my uncles barely talked to me. i just don't get it - they've always been among my FAVORITE relatives, and now they don't give me the time of day. i guess it just makes me sad. grandpa wasn't any better - he was pretty much always in a bad mood, snapping at one of the kids, yelling at us to pick up or go down to the basement. maybe it's because of his health, but it worries me too. he's not the grandpa i grew up with. this is not the family i grew up with.
we celebrated JP's birthday the day after we got back. we didn't even really do anything for it though, which i guess is just how he does things. birthdays, holidays, occasions in general have always been a big thing for me, so i guess it's just kinda weird when other people, especially ones so close to you, have other ways of celebrating. i made him a cake, but it's already 3 days old so i'm going to have to throw it out. taylor king and pedchenko told JP that i had bought him stargate: SG-1 on DVD before i gave it to him...i really don't think he liked the other stuff i gave him, even though he did his best to pretend. i guess i'm just a little disappointed - let down by my own hype...but that's exactly what happened with the michigan trip too...
i need to stop getting so worked up over things...stop getting my hopes up.
i miss tara and alex a lot. i love JP and i can't explain how much this time with him in tennessee means to me, but i don't feel like i have any friends here besides JP and it's kind of a lonely feeling. JP works during the day and everything and that's fine and we hang out almost every night, but it's just hard sometimes. the last thing i want to do is leave him, but i do miss having close friends...wow that sounds really pathetic. i guess i'm just tired and a little apathetic right now.
we celebrated JP's birthday the day after we got back. we didn't even really do anything for it though, which i guess is just how he does things. birthdays, holidays, occasions in general have always been a big thing for me, so i guess it's just kinda weird when other people, especially ones so close to you, have other ways of celebrating. i made him a cake, but it's already 3 days old so i'm going to have to throw it out. taylor king and pedchenko told JP that i had bought him stargate: SG-1 on DVD before i gave it to him...i really don't think he liked the other stuff i gave him, even though he did his best to pretend. i guess i'm just a little disappointed - let down by my own hype...but that's exactly what happened with the michigan trip too...
i need to stop getting so worked up over things...stop getting my hopes up.
i miss tara and alex a lot. i love JP and i can't explain how much this time with him in tennessee means to me, but i don't feel like i have any friends here besides JP and it's kind of a lonely feeling. JP works during the day and everything and that's fine and we hang out almost every night, but it's just hard sometimes. the last thing i want to do is leave him, but i do miss having close friends...wow that sounds really pathetic. i guess i'm just tired and a little apathetic right now.