Counting pennies.
Today was the first time in a long while where when I returned home, no one was there. I still can't quite tell if my initial reaction was saddened by it, or found it comforting to be in a silent house again. For years, that's how it always was, but since then things have changed and now the people in my life are consistently by my side, laughing and crying together on an everyday basis. Perhaps it's good for me finally to romance my own thoughts for once and let them stew uninterrupted. But then again, in times like these I'm almost a little worried they might just cause me to dig myself deeper in the hole I've began shoveling myself into.
Ever since the end of Petsmart my days have been spent counting pennies. The whole reason I signed my name on the dotted line for my house was because I felt certain I had a consistent paycheck, bringing home roughly 250 every week. I could make my payments with ease and coast though school without hesitation... yet even though I've been given a new job opportunity as a salon assistant, my cracked out manager could probably care less about having me around and "forgets" about me on a regular basis. And let's face it, an hour here and an hour there just won't bring home the fucking bacon. I'm starting to feel the pressure financially, and I hate the thought of begging on my hands and knees for more chump change from my mom, but I'm sure that's what's going to have to happen.
The truly bittersweet aspect to it all is that I'm due to graduate in April and have my license (cross your fingers, folks) by at least the end of May. What the fuck I'm supposed to do until then I'm really unsure. Work in retail until May? Sure, I suppose so, but a part of me feels that my efforts in looking for a minimum wage job right now will just be fruitless. I'm a little up in arms at the moment, and I feel like the people around me lately are feel just as confused and rather fearful of the future as well.
But aside from all that, I'm attempting to not let the little things kick my ass. My sour remarks and perhaps distant attitude has been more noticeable lately, which is normally something I'm pretty good at not allowing to happen. But, eh, I have nothing to say for myself.
What I do know, however, and perhaps didn't realize until I walked into my empty house this afternoon, is that I'm so very thankful to have so many loved ones close to me when I probably need it the most. The house is quiet now (aside from what sounds like my neighbors moving furniture in high heels) but when I get to see people like Nick, Monty, and Bianca nearly everyday, I know at least that my troubles will be pushed out of sight, even if only temporarily, when they come home.
I love you guys.
Love,
Annie
Ever since the end of Petsmart my days have been spent counting pennies. The whole reason I signed my name on the dotted line for my house was because I felt certain I had a consistent paycheck, bringing home roughly 250 every week. I could make my payments with ease and coast though school without hesitation... yet even though I've been given a new job opportunity as a salon assistant, my cracked out manager could probably care less about having me around and "forgets" about me on a regular basis. And let's face it, an hour here and an hour there just won't bring home the fucking bacon. I'm starting to feel the pressure financially, and I hate the thought of begging on my hands and knees for more chump change from my mom, but I'm sure that's what's going to have to happen.
The truly bittersweet aspect to it all is that I'm due to graduate in April and have my license (cross your fingers, folks) by at least the end of May. What the fuck I'm supposed to do until then I'm really unsure. Work in retail until May? Sure, I suppose so, but a part of me feels that my efforts in looking for a minimum wage job right now will just be fruitless. I'm a little up in arms at the moment, and I feel like the people around me lately are feel just as confused and rather fearful of the future as well.
But aside from all that, I'm attempting to not let the little things kick my ass. My sour remarks and perhaps distant attitude has been more noticeable lately, which is normally something I'm pretty good at not allowing to happen. But, eh, I have nothing to say for myself.
What I do know, however, and perhaps didn't realize until I walked into my empty house this afternoon, is that I'm so very thankful to have so many loved ones close to me when I probably need it the most. The house is quiet now (aside from what sounds like my neighbors moving furniture in high heels) but when I get to see people like Nick, Monty, and Bianca nearly everyday, I know at least that my troubles will be pushed out of sight, even if only temporarily, when they come home.
I love you guys.
Love,
Annie