(no subject)
a dynamic time. my muscles changing a bit each day. the news about my future filtering down from the mountains that make decisions about the future. i'm glad i have direction, priorities. i want to become stronger. i want to lose weight. i want to read more books. i felt betrayed when i noticed i was changing without permission. at 23 it was a second puberty-fast betrayal. the rules of causation shifted again. i have to push more for the same effect. i have an older face in the morning.
i always thought my mind should lead.
i hear people get stuck in time. you hit a prime, a good year, and your mind returns to it, again and again. no matter how many years you look, you're thinking like you never left your favorite number.
i remember aging in bursts and starts. there was a day when i first noticed that things were my size. that chairs and tables were just right -- not a reach or a stretch. the world was suddenly made for me and i felt less of a visitor. or, more exactly, i felt someone was taking away my visitor status. evidence was disappearing that i was a stranger, not made for the world but watching.
then i remember first feeling adult-height. i realized no one towered over me... could lift me with ease and throw me into the air.
now i'm stuck pre-twenty. somewhere vague and irresponsible. somewhere at the very green beginning of things. it's hard to imagine all the school, all the training and preparation almost out of the way.
i always thought my mind should lead.
i hear people get stuck in time. you hit a prime, a good year, and your mind returns to it, again and again. no matter how many years you look, you're thinking like you never left your favorite number.
i remember aging in bursts and starts. there was a day when i first noticed that things were my size. that chairs and tables were just right -- not a reach or a stretch. the world was suddenly made for me and i felt less of a visitor. or, more exactly, i felt someone was taking away my visitor status. evidence was disappearing that i was a stranger, not made for the world but watching.
then i remember first feeling adult-height. i realized no one towered over me... could lift me with ease and throw me into the air.
now i'm stuck pre-twenty. somewhere vague and irresponsible. somewhere at the very green beginning of things. it's hard to imagine all the school, all the training and preparation almost out of the way.