(no subject)
i need to reach a critical mass of panic in order to do things. i'm hopeless until my head hits that rock-bottom pavement. i will regret today tomorrow...
so i submitted a grant application.
i have to do a lot more very quickly.
the problem being... i don't know what i want. to float belly-up in a light blue ambition-less kiddie pool?
it comes back to the same ideas: i'm not the life but living it. i'm not the observations but someone watching what surfaces on a screen.
if i can stop thinking that i have a set of tools: a watch to count the time, a lens to bend light, then i can stop being the disembodied detective who wants to stop collecting clues.
so i submitted a grant application.
i have to do a lot more very quickly.
the problem being... i don't know what i want. to float belly-up in a light blue ambition-less kiddie pool?
it comes back to the same ideas: i'm not the life but living it. i'm not the observations but someone watching what surfaces on a screen.
if i can stop thinking that i have a set of tools: a watch to count the time, a lens to bend light, then i can stop being the disembodied detective who wants to stop collecting clues.