Fic: Three Times Cristina Yang Lied to Owen Hunt
I've had the first two parts of this written for over a year, and after the last episode of Grey's Anatomy, I was annoyed enough to finish it. I keep trying, but I just can't like Owen Hunt. Blah.
My writing is rusty, but that's not really the point. The point is that writing this made me feel better.
Three Times Cristina Yang Lied to Owen Hunt
I.
”I'm over him.”
This is what she says the first time he brings up her relationship with Burke. She always knew the subject would come up sooner or later. She's just been hoping it would be later.
But if there's one thing she's learned about the people at Seattle Grace by now, it's that they suck at keeping their mouths shut.
So when he asks her about it that day, she just gives him a quick look before telling him that there's no reason for him to spare it a second thought. It's over.
”It was over before it really begun,” she adds, and it's such a stupid thing to say, but it's better than I loved him, but he left, and no, I'm not over him. Not even close to over him.
When Owen looks at her, she looks away. He probably doesn't believe her. It doesn't really matter.
She wants it to be true, and maybe if she wants it badly enough, one day it will be.
II.
”I don't want to have kids. Ever. I've never wanted to, and I'll never want to.”
She's not sure how they ended up discussing this, but she's pretty sure, judging by the look on his face, that this isn't what Owen wanted to hear.
She doesn't care, though. Because what's she saying is true, or at least part of it is - she really doesn't want kids. She's a surgeon, and she doesn't do well with people, at least not with people who aren't sick or dying, and she wouldn't know what to do with a baby.
But she's thought about it.
When she was pregnant, she desperately tried not to think about it. She didn't want to consider what would happen if she kept the baby, and she refused to ask herself if maybe, just maybe, part of her actually wanted to keep it.
And there were times after that, while she was with Burke, when she thought maybe it wouldn't be the end of the world to have a baby one day. One day in the far, far future of course. Once in a blue moon, she would think that maybe she could do it. Maybe they could do it.
When Owen asks her why, she just smiles wryly. ”I'm not all warm and cuddly and motherly. It's not for me.”
At least not anymore, she adds to herself.
III.
”I love you more than I loved Burke.”
Here's the thing: she's finally opening up.
She's also lying through her teeth.
It's not a conscious decision. She doesn't decide, at any point, to lie to him. But deep down, as she's saying the words, she knows it's bullshit.
”I love you more than I loved Burke,” is what she says, when what she really means is something like this: I loved him more than I've ever loved anyone else. But I want to love you more. Hopefully someday I will love you more.
But everything else she says is true, and it's so easy to let the lie slip out. Owen will never know it's a lie. (Later, after it's over, she'll think, cruelly, that he was too busy mending his bruised ego to pause and ponder the verity of her words.) She feels his hand on her arm and she searches for that connection she's so desperate to feel.
Because she does love him. Truly. Deeply. And it's easier to stand her guard with him, to back away before the love becomes all consuming.
That's all that matters.
My writing is rusty, but that's not really the point. The point is that writing this made me feel better.
Three Times Cristina Yang Lied to Owen Hunt
I.
”I'm over him.”
This is what she says the first time he brings up her relationship with Burke. She always knew the subject would come up sooner or later. She's just been hoping it would be later.
But if there's one thing she's learned about the people at Seattle Grace by now, it's that they suck at keeping their mouths shut.
So when he asks her about it that day, she just gives him a quick look before telling him that there's no reason for him to spare it a second thought. It's over.
”It was over before it really begun,” she adds, and it's such a stupid thing to say, but it's better than I loved him, but he left, and no, I'm not over him. Not even close to over him.
When Owen looks at her, she looks away. He probably doesn't believe her. It doesn't really matter.
She wants it to be true, and maybe if she wants it badly enough, one day it will be.
II.
”I don't want to have kids. Ever. I've never wanted to, and I'll never want to.”
She's not sure how they ended up discussing this, but she's pretty sure, judging by the look on his face, that this isn't what Owen wanted to hear.
She doesn't care, though. Because what's she saying is true, or at least part of it is - she really doesn't want kids. She's a surgeon, and she doesn't do well with people, at least not with people who aren't sick or dying, and she wouldn't know what to do with a baby.
But she's thought about it.
When she was pregnant, she desperately tried not to think about it. She didn't want to consider what would happen if she kept the baby, and she refused to ask herself if maybe, just maybe, part of her actually wanted to keep it.
And there were times after that, while she was with Burke, when she thought maybe it wouldn't be the end of the world to have a baby one day. One day in the far, far future of course. Once in a blue moon, she would think that maybe she could do it. Maybe they could do it.
When Owen asks her why, she just smiles wryly. ”I'm not all warm and cuddly and motherly. It's not for me.”
At least not anymore, she adds to herself.
III.
”I love you more than I loved Burke.”
Here's the thing: she's finally opening up.
She's also lying through her teeth.
It's not a conscious decision. She doesn't decide, at any point, to lie to him. But deep down, as she's saying the words, she knows it's bullshit.
”I love you more than I loved Burke,” is what she says, when what she really means is something like this: I loved him more than I've ever loved anyone else. But I want to love you more. Hopefully someday I will love you more.
But everything else she says is true, and it's so easy to let the lie slip out. Owen will never know it's a lie. (Later, after it's over, she'll think, cruelly, that he was too busy mending his bruised ego to pause and ponder the verity of her words.) She feels his hand on her arm and she searches for that connection she's so desperate to feel.
Because she does love him. Truly. Deeply. And it's easier to stand her guard with him, to back away before the love becomes all consuming.
That's all that matters.