standing on the rooftops
title: Another Morning
author: grey_nezumi
band: Antic Cafe
pairing: Kanon/Bou
warnings: none
disclaimer: I don't own them.
summary: One summer night, Bou and Kanon meet under unfortunate circumstances. Now Kanon is a believer.
ten times removed
i forget about where it all began
bastard son of a bastard son of
a wild-eyed child of the sun
(the smashing pumpkins)
It was a peaceful, quiet sunday morning, as if a nuclear bomb had wiped off all life from the surface of the planet, while our subject had spent his time behind blackened windows, listening to the unheard music. Mingling with the boys from the prairie. It was possible. But then there were a few people, half asleep, who were walking their dogs down the street and blinked at the phenomenon that sprinted along the white fences. Dogs seemed to be a troublesome thing. It was only a few houses from home that Bou stopped running, when he finally accepted the facts. He was already twelve hours after his curfew, so he could just as well be walking, walking slowly or leaning at a hedge for a minute trying to regain his breath.
The street was so empty and peaceful that Bou thought about lying down in the middle of the road and get some more sleep. He used to do that as a kid in the summer, lay down on the warm asphalt and watch the clouds, but he was afraid of being hospitalized if he did it again. People often got the wrong impression of him. Like right now when he was lurking around the hedge and pondered if he should try to climb up the tree that stood beside his window, and break into his own room, or if he should just be bold (which was synonymous to suicidal, in this case) and walk in through the front door. They were looking at him as if he was contagious. Like a germ under a microscope, dangerous.
„Fucking Imbeciles“, he whispered under his breath, and smiled at them.
The day before, saturday, had creeped up on Bou as he layed stretched out on his bed, little white hand curled up next to his head and had flooded his brain with horrible daylight when Mimi pulled back the blinds around noon. She had jumped up and down on his bed, trying to get him to stand up and play wii tennis with her. Bou couldn't find the energy to throw her forcefully out of his room, only pulled the pillow over his head as if he wanted to suffocate himself. After a while Mimi left, after kicking him playfully one last time, but even she had to accept that her big brother wasn't up to much today.
Bou had never considered himself a lonely person, even when he spent most of his time alone in his room, sitting with his headphones on and the music turned up so loud that it drowned out every thought. For him, there was a big difference between loneliness and solitude.
You could only be lonely if you needed other people, and Bou didn't need anyone. He liked to think of himself as a solitary person by nature. A lone wolf kind of creature.
So what was that feeling clawing at him now... that feeling that made him fall down on his bed when he came home from school on friday, bury his face in his pillow and never want to get up again? That feeling that made him dread the weekends, because school was the only place he could be with his new found friends?
He refused to put a name on it.
Eventually he dragged himself to his desk and started on his homework, an attempt that resulted in him staring at the blank page for ten minutes, before giving up and turning on his computer. It was just after he had finished watching every „talking cats“ video on the internet, or so it seemed, that he heard it.
And he had watched too many bad romance movies in his life as that he wouldn't recognize the sound.
Someone was throwing stones against his window.
When Bou stood up to check what kind of insane person he would have to deal with, he grabbed his fat jade buddha paperweight from his desk, simply because it was the heaviest thing available.
But as he opened the window and looked down, he recognized the heads and questionable haircuts of his two classmates. And he heard a distinctive Kanon-whisper:
„I told you it was the right house this time!“
And then:
„Oh, Hey Bou-Chan!!!“, called Miku and waved up at him, making the boy in question squeeze his eyes shut at the sheer volume of his shout.
„Be quiet!“, he whispered urgently, praying that noone inside the house had woken up from the noise.
„Be quiet or I'll throw buddha at you!“, he lifted his hand with the small stone figurine and tried to look especially threatening.
Miku laughed. Something told Bou that he wasn't impressed.
„That's not really nice, you know? We've come all the way out here just to see you!“
„Do you know how long it took us to find the right house?“, added Kanon. „You didn't let me take you all the way home, that night. Plus it was raining in biblical dimensions, which makes it kind of difficult to memorize house numbers. We had to knock on a lot of doors tonight.“
„A LOT of doors“, emphasized Miku. „And there are not only nice people living in this street. Some of them come at you with spatulas when you ring the doorbell after 10:00 pm.“
Bou shook his head in disbelief.
„Yeah, so you better come down here.“, said Kanon quietly. Bou looked at him, still clutching buddha tightly in his fist and then sighed.
Why do you have to be so fucking adorable?
It wasn't like he had anything better to do with his time.
„Alright, I'll be outside in a sec.“
„You could just climb out the window!“, suggested Miku cheerfully „We'll catch you!“
„I need shoes, dumbass.“
As they stood outside, arms shivering in the cold, Bou felt almost light-headed from excitement, because even though he had snuck out the house countless times, he had never done so to meet anyone. And in a way that felt even more forbidden.
„So why are you here?“, he asked, as they walked quickly along the row of hedges and fences.
„We've come to recruit you.“, said Miku, with a decidedly demonic look on his face.
„What is he talking about?“, Bou asked, turning to Kanon, who only shrugged.
„We thought we could help you choose a guitar.“
„Yes. And then we'll recruit you for our band.“ repeated Miku and turned around, so that he was walking backwards, facing his friends.
„Oh and Bou-chan, saying No is not an option.“
He had been really stupid to think that he would get out of it unscathed. Bou thought back at how he had been kidnapped the night before, and wondered when exactly his conscience had committed suicide because it couldn't take any more. Bou had sworn to himself not to get into trouble, had sworn not to draw any more attention to himself. And now, over the course of the last few weeks, since they had moved into this goddamn little shithole of a town, it seemed as if all his resolutions had been blown away.
Bou wasn't biting his nails anymore, he was practically eating his fingers. Staying away for - what, twelve hours? - there was no way it could have gone unnoticed.
He hadn't planned to stay away that long, it had just happened. They had gone to Ryu's music store, which was „inofficially“ open all night. It made sense, thought Bou, considering that the owner of the store sold not only CDs and vinyl, but was first and foremost a drug dealer.
They had tried out almost every instrument in there and when he had finally decided on one guitar, it was simply because it was shiny and white. He didn't know a whole lot about guitars, even though he tried not to let it show in front of Kanon, who seemed to contain a lot more knowledge than one would assume. He just didn't let it hang out so much, that he was a smart guy. They had payed for his guitar and amp, or better, Kanon and Miku payed for it, because they had forgotten to tell Bou to bring the money he kept under his mattress. They carried their loot home to Kanon's place, where they made Bou take a vow that he would give everything he had for their (for now nameless) band to succeed. Even his life.
„Are you serious?“, he had asked the two, a can of hard lemonade in his hand, which they used to drink to their vow, „I mean about 'giving your life'?“. And both of them looked at him dead serious and said „Yes.“
„Idiots“, he had answered, but for some reason he had felt strangely touched by their dedication. Kanon and Miku had showed him a few of the songs they had written and the ideas they had for the band's look and even some of the cover art they had drawn for imaginary future records.
This is religion to them, Bou had thought, they are completely serious about it.
To make a long story short, they had fallen asleep in the early morning hours, and Bou was still blushing furiously when he thought about the fact that he had slept in the same room with Kanon. Not right next to him, but in close proximity. Devastated, he pressed his hands to his face. Yes, he was positively blushing. And his heart was still beating too fast.
It was as if his barriers were fading away and he was left with his mind and sanity out in the open, open for people to take stabs at it and make him question all his convictions.
It was so much easier to be cynical, than to actually give your heart and believe in something.
Bou sighed, balling his fists in the fabric of his skirt. Oh, screw it.
He unlocked the front door and kicked his shoes off in the hallway, listening carefully for any noises inside the house. But noone seemed to be awake yet, or at least, they were all terribly quiet about it. Bou almost couldn't believe his luck and tiptoed further down the hall to take a look into the kitchen.
Where he almost died from a heart attack, when he saw his older brother sitting at the kitchen table, eating cereal.
„Hi“, Teruki said.
„...Hi“, Bou answered, and then realized how stupid that sounded. „You're back.“ He wanted to hit himself. Teruki looked at him with a mock-hurt look on his face.
„Yeah, I'm back. And you're like - the worst little brother ever, you know that?“, he pointed the spoon at him.
„When... when did your plane land?“, Bou asked, eventually.
„Early. Like, 6am early. I can't believe you didn't come with to pick me up.“
„I... I was kind of... out.“, Bou answered and watched a trademark grin spread over Teruki's face.
„I'm sure you were having fun.“, he said and took in the appearance of his little brother, hair in two frizzy pigtails, in a tartan skirt and black shirt. „The big man was freaking out because you disappeared, you know? I thought his heart would explode at any minute, it was hilarious.“ Bou swallowed. He could imagine that. Teruki stood up and forced Bou through the trauma of a quick hug, which he was much too dumb-founded to return.
„You have changed“, he said, when he had sat down again and divided his attention between Bou and his breakfast. The last time he had seen his brother, two years ago, he had still had natural black hair, down to his shoulders, which was usually held back with a pair of colorful bobby pins. And their mother had still bought all his clothes.
„Well, you haven't changed at all“, Bou said. „You would think being a college student and staying in another country would make someone a little more mature“, he was smiling while he said it, but in a way it was true. Teruki still looked pretty much the same and hadn't even picked up an American accent that Bou could tease him about.
„You look so grown up“, Teruki said, pressing a hand to his heart in the imitation of a mother seeing her daughter pose in her prom dress. „I almost didn't recognize you. And you're staying out all night, doing who knows what...“, he laughed.
„I'm not!“, Bou huffed. „It's not like that, at all.“ He dropped down on a chair opposite his brother and stretched out his legs. „I mean... even if I wanted to, there's nothing you can do here. It's the middle of nowhere.“
Teruki nodded „It seems pretty bad. I guess our parents wanted you and Mimi to grow up in a more... protected environment.“
Bou rolled his eyes. Then, remembering that his brother had just crossed the pacific the night before, he asked
„How's America?“
Teruki was silent for a second, then he said
„Crazy. But nice. I like it.“
„Is it very different from here?“, Bou asked. Teruki thought about it, tipping the spoon against his mouth.
„Porn isn't censored there.“, he said eventually.
Bou stared at him and then started laughing.
„Wow. I can't believe that's the only thing you can come up with!“
Teruki just waved his hand in a dismissive motion and then let his head fall down to the table.
„I haven't slept in fourty-eight hours and you're trying to have a serious conversation with me. You should have known better.“
„Aww, you poor jet-lagged baby“, Bou said, still laughing.
They were silent for a minute.
„So... no pixel dicks?“, Bou inquired.
„No pixels anywhere“, Teruki confirmed.
After a while, Bou couldn't ignore the eery quiet inside the house anymore and decided to ask the dreaded question.
„Okay, so, where is everyone?“
His brother lifted his head from the table and for the first time it occured to Bou how tired he looked. He almost felt sorry for him.
„They went to buy a fishtank.“
Bou usually wasn't easy to throw off balance. But for some reason he found himself more and more often at a loss for words.
„... they what?“
„They went to buy a fishtank. For Mr Darcy.“, with that he held up a see through plastic bag filled with water and a small orange-yellow fish in it. It had sat on the chair next to him, invisible to Bou. Teruki examined the fish with a concerned look on his face.
„Poor thing. Noone should be forced to travel in a plastic bag.“
The fish did look miserable, thought Bou.
In that moment, they both heard a car pull in the driveway.
„Seems like the spanish inquisition is here“, Teruki said jokingly.
The rest of the day passed surprisingly uneventful. Bou and his brother spent it in Teruki's room, which was still empty for the most part. They introduced Mr Darcy to Goku (the cat and the fish spent ten minutes staring each other down through the glass of the fishtank) and listened to some of the CDs Teruki had brought with him from the US.
It was only after dinner was already over that everything came crashing down on them. Bou had seen it coming, so he tried to be on his best behaviour. He even volunteered to do the dishes after dinner and was almost finished, staring blankly into the foamy grey water, when a hand grabbed his wrist and made him drop the plate he was holding into the sink.
Bou didn't move, didn't try to squirm out of his father's grip. Simply stared down at his feet. For a long time there was silence, only the voices from the TV in the living room were audible, but Bou couldn't make out a word they were saying.
“What do you even think you're doing?”, asked his father finally, in a very low voice. And it made Bou a little bit happy, to know that the man felt the need to whisper in his own house.
“I don't know what you're talking about”, Bou said calmly, feeling his hand getting cold from the blood supply being cut off.
“You know exactly what I mean - look at me when I'm talking to you!”, he said and Bou obeyed, fear flashing through his eyes for a millisecond when he looked up into his father's face. At the slight twitching in the corner of his mouth Bou could tell that it hadn't gone unnoticed.
“What makes you think you can just disappear like that? Do you know how worried I was about you?”, Bou surpressed the urge to roll his eyes.
“Yeah, right”, he breathed shakily “Because you're so worried about my well-being.”
His father laughed, a small hollow fake laugh.
“You think you're so smart, Bou-Chan... You think I don't know what you do when you disappear like that? You think I don't know who you're with?”
Bou was pretty sure that his father was just bluffing. But still, the thought of this psycho knowing who his friends were sent a cold shower through his body. And then he felt the words come out of his mouth again, without his brain giving permission first. And he knew that they would get him into trouble.
“So? What are you going to do about it? Are you going to lock me up? You can't do anything, and you know it.”, Again, Bou wasn't surprised when his father's hand hit him in the face. If anything, the force of his punch startled him and he stumbled backwards, making a glass slide down from the counter and break on the tiled kitchen floor. From the corner of his eyes, Bou could see his father raise his hand again and anticipated another punch - which never came.
“What the fuck are you doing?”, he heard a voice say, very slowly. When he turned to the doorway he saw Teruki standing there, eyes wide.
“We're having a discussion, that's all”, his father said, and in every other situation Bou would have laughed, but this was a disaster, and even he didn't laugh when everything was about to fall apart. Teruki had seen. Teruki knew. He didn't know everything, but he knew enough to do something very stupid and ruin his plans.
“You... you were hitting him!”, Teruki's voice was louder now. The volume of the TV in the living room got turned up.
He broke out of his father's grip and ran past Teruki and out of the kitchen. He didn't hear him call out his name when he was on his way out the back door.
There was an old swing set in the backyard, left behind by the previous owners of the house, and right now, Bou was sitting there on one of the swings, dragging his socked feet through the patches of dirt beneath him. It took a few minutes until the yelling inside the house died down, and then Bou could hear the back door open and close and steps on the grass getting closer and closer. He looked up and saw Teruki standing a few feet in front of him, arms crossed in front of his chest and looking pissed off.
“That fucking...”, he stopped talking and just shook his head. Bou flinched at that and looked to the side, hands clutching the chains even tighter.
“Does he... does he hit you often?”
Bou shook his head. Shrugged. What did 'often' mean in this context?
Teruki sat down on the swing next to him and sighed. For a few minutes all that could be heard was the chirping of the crickets, reminding them just how far out in the country they really were.
“I can't believe he actually would do something like that”, Teruki started again, still in shock or so it seemed. “I mean he was always weird around you, but...”
“Are you going to tell someone?”, Bou asked.
“Do you want me to tell someone?”
“No!”, Bou answered a little too quickly. “I mean... I don't want you to tell anyone, because it wouldn't do anyone any good.”
“What do you mean?”
“If you tell the police or whoever, they'll just put me back in the foster care system. They'll probably take Mimi away, too. We'll most probably get separated and I might not see her or you ever again.”, Bou said and then looked up at his brother.
Teruki stared at him for a long time and then kicked the dirt.
“I still don't think we should let him get away with it.”
Bou pressed his lips together.
“It's okay. I won't be here for long, anyways.”, he said and saw Teruki's head shoot around to look at him from the side.
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“In three months I turn sixteen. Then I can get legally emancipated. I'll just leave and... go to Tokyo or wherever and start over.”
When Teruki just stared at him as if he had just sprouted a second head, he hurried to add
“Of course I'll still see you guys. I mean Mimi and you. I just won't live here anymore. It'll be better for everyone. You'll see.”
Teruki shook his head and stared up into the perfect starry night sky.
“Just to make this clear”, he said eventually, without looking at Bou “I think you're absolutely insane for wanting to do this. But I don't say I'm gonna stop you. I know if I hadn't gotten out of here two years ago, I would have gone insane, too.”
“So you won't tell anyone?”, Bou asked.
Teruki bit his lip and then shook his head curtly. He watched his brother let out a relieved sigh and use the momentum to push himself off the ground and swing higher and higher.
Suddenly, an entirely different thought entered Teruki's head.
“Hey, Bou?”
“What?”
“Did you remember to bring my drums when you moved here?”
AN: Congratulations! You made it through this mess of a chapter! *high fives all around*
author: grey_nezumi
band: Antic Cafe
pairing: Kanon/Bou
warnings: none
disclaimer: I don't own them.
summary: One summer night, Bou and Kanon meet under unfortunate circumstances. Now Kanon is a believer.
ten times removed
i forget about where it all began
bastard son of a bastard son of
a wild-eyed child of the sun
(the smashing pumpkins)
It was a peaceful, quiet sunday morning, as if a nuclear bomb had wiped off all life from the surface of the planet, while our subject had spent his time behind blackened windows, listening to the unheard music. Mingling with the boys from the prairie. It was possible. But then there were a few people, half asleep, who were walking their dogs down the street and blinked at the phenomenon that sprinted along the white fences. Dogs seemed to be a troublesome thing. It was only a few houses from home that Bou stopped running, when he finally accepted the facts. He was already twelve hours after his curfew, so he could just as well be walking, walking slowly or leaning at a hedge for a minute trying to regain his breath.
The street was so empty and peaceful that Bou thought about lying down in the middle of the road and get some more sleep. He used to do that as a kid in the summer, lay down on the warm asphalt and watch the clouds, but he was afraid of being hospitalized if he did it again. People often got the wrong impression of him. Like right now when he was lurking around the hedge and pondered if he should try to climb up the tree that stood beside his window, and break into his own room, or if he should just be bold (which was synonymous to suicidal, in this case) and walk in through the front door. They were looking at him as if he was contagious. Like a germ under a microscope, dangerous.
„Fucking Imbeciles“, he whispered under his breath, and smiled at them.
The day before, saturday, had creeped up on Bou as he layed stretched out on his bed, little white hand curled up next to his head and had flooded his brain with horrible daylight when Mimi pulled back the blinds around noon. She had jumped up and down on his bed, trying to get him to stand up and play wii tennis with her. Bou couldn't find the energy to throw her forcefully out of his room, only pulled the pillow over his head as if he wanted to suffocate himself. After a while Mimi left, after kicking him playfully one last time, but even she had to accept that her big brother wasn't up to much today.
Bou had never considered himself a lonely person, even when he spent most of his time alone in his room, sitting with his headphones on and the music turned up so loud that it drowned out every thought. For him, there was a big difference between loneliness and solitude.
You could only be lonely if you needed other people, and Bou didn't need anyone. He liked to think of himself as a solitary person by nature. A lone wolf kind of creature.
So what was that feeling clawing at him now... that feeling that made him fall down on his bed when he came home from school on friday, bury his face in his pillow and never want to get up again? That feeling that made him dread the weekends, because school was the only place he could be with his new found friends?
He refused to put a name on it.
Eventually he dragged himself to his desk and started on his homework, an attempt that resulted in him staring at the blank page for ten minutes, before giving up and turning on his computer. It was just after he had finished watching every „talking cats“ video on the internet, or so it seemed, that he heard it.
And he had watched too many bad romance movies in his life as that he wouldn't recognize the sound.
Someone was throwing stones against his window.
When Bou stood up to check what kind of insane person he would have to deal with, he grabbed his fat jade buddha paperweight from his desk, simply because it was the heaviest thing available.
But as he opened the window and looked down, he recognized the heads and questionable haircuts of his two classmates. And he heard a distinctive Kanon-whisper:
„I told you it was the right house this time!“
And then:
„Oh, Hey Bou-Chan!!!“, called Miku and waved up at him, making the boy in question squeeze his eyes shut at the sheer volume of his shout.
„Be quiet!“, he whispered urgently, praying that noone inside the house had woken up from the noise.
„Be quiet or I'll throw buddha at you!“, he lifted his hand with the small stone figurine and tried to look especially threatening.
Miku laughed. Something told Bou that he wasn't impressed.
„That's not really nice, you know? We've come all the way out here just to see you!“
„Do you know how long it took us to find the right house?“, added Kanon. „You didn't let me take you all the way home, that night. Plus it was raining in biblical dimensions, which makes it kind of difficult to memorize house numbers. We had to knock on a lot of doors tonight.“
„A LOT of doors“, emphasized Miku. „And there are not only nice people living in this street. Some of them come at you with spatulas when you ring the doorbell after 10:00 pm.“
Bou shook his head in disbelief.
„Yeah, so you better come down here.“, said Kanon quietly. Bou looked at him, still clutching buddha tightly in his fist and then sighed.
Why do you have to be so fucking adorable?
It wasn't like he had anything better to do with his time.
„Alright, I'll be outside in a sec.“
„You could just climb out the window!“, suggested Miku cheerfully „We'll catch you!“
„I need shoes, dumbass.“
As they stood outside, arms shivering in the cold, Bou felt almost light-headed from excitement, because even though he had snuck out the house countless times, he had never done so to meet anyone. And in a way that felt even more forbidden.
„So why are you here?“, he asked, as they walked quickly along the row of hedges and fences.
„We've come to recruit you.“, said Miku, with a decidedly demonic look on his face.
„What is he talking about?“, Bou asked, turning to Kanon, who only shrugged.
„We thought we could help you choose a guitar.“
„Yes. And then we'll recruit you for our band.“ repeated Miku and turned around, so that he was walking backwards, facing his friends.
„Oh and Bou-chan, saying No is not an option.“
He had been really stupid to think that he would get out of it unscathed. Bou thought back at how he had been kidnapped the night before, and wondered when exactly his conscience had committed suicide because it couldn't take any more. Bou had sworn to himself not to get into trouble, had sworn not to draw any more attention to himself. And now, over the course of the last few weeks, since they had moved into this goddamn little shithole of a town, it seemed as if all his resolutions had been blown away.
Bou wasn't biting his nails anymore, he was practically eating his fingers. Staying away for - what, twelve hours? - there was no way it could have gone unnoticed.
He hadn't planned to stay away that long, it had just happened. They had gone to Ryu's music store, which was „inofficially“ open all night. It made sense, thought Bou, considering that the owner of the store sold not only CDs and vinyl, but was first and foremost a drug dealer.
They had tried out almost every instrument in there and when he had finally decided on one guitar, it was simply because it was shiny and white. He didn't know a whole lot about guitars, even though he tried not to let it show in front of Kanon, who seemed to contain a lot more knowledge than one would assume. He just didn't let it hang out so much, that he was a smart guy. They had payed for his guitar and amp, or better, Kanon and Miku payed for it, because they had forgotten to tell Bou to bring the money he kept under his mattress. They carried their loot home to Kanon's place, where they made Bou take a vow that he would give everything he had for their (for now nameless) band to succeed. Even his life.
„Are you serious?“, he had asked the two, a can of hard lemonade in his hand, which they used to drink to their vow, „I mean about 'giving your life'?“. And both of them looked at him dead serious and said „Yes.“
„Idiots“, he had answered, but for some reason he had felt strangely touched by their dedication. Kanon and Miku had showed him a few of the songs they had written and the ideas they had for the band's look and even some of the cover art they had drawn for imaginary future records.
This is religion to them, Bou had thought, they are completely serious about it.
To make a long story short, they had fallen asleep in the early morning hours, and Bou was still blushing furiously when he thought about the fact that he had slept in the same room with Kanon. Not right next to him, but in close proximity. Devastated, he pressed his hands to his face. Yes, he was positively blushing. And his heart was still beating too fast.
It was as if his barriers were fading away and he was left with his mind and sanity out in the open, open for people to take stabs at it and make him question all his convictions.
It was so much easier to be cynical, than to actually give your heart and believe in something.
Bou sighed, balling his fists in the fabric of his skirt. Oh, screw it.
He unlocked the front door and kicked his shoes off in the hallway, listening carefully for any noises inside the house. But noone seemed to be awake yet, or at least, they were all terribly quiet about it. Bou almost couldn't believe his luck and tiptoed further down the hall to take a look into the kitchen.
Where he almost died from a heart attack, when he saw his older brother sitting at the kitchen table, eating cereal.
„Hi“, Teruki said.
„...Hi“, Bou answered, and then realized how stupid that sounded. „You're back.“ He wanted to hit himself. Teruki looked at him with a mock-hurt look on his face.
„Yeah, I'm back. And you're like - the worst little brother ever, you know that?“, he pointed the spoon at him.
„When... when did your plane land?“, Bou asked, eventually.
„Early. Like, 6am early. I can't believe you didn't come with to pick me up.“
„I... I was kind of... out.“, Bou answered and watched a trademark grin spread over Teruki's face.
„I'm sure you were having fun.“, he said and took in the appearance of his little brother, hair in two frizzy pigtails, in a tartan skirt and black shirt. „The big man was freaking out because you disappeared, you know? I thought his heart would explode at any minute, it was hilarious.“ Bou swallowed. He could imagine that. Teruki stood up and forced Bou through the trauma of a quick hug, which he was much too dumb-founded to return.
„You have changed“, he said, when he had sat down again and divided his attention between Bou and his breakfast. The last time he had seen his brother, two years ago, he had still had natural black hair, down to his shoulders, which was usually held back with a pair of colorful bobby pins. And their mother had still bought all his clothes.
„Well, you haven't changed at all“, Bou said. „You would think being a college student and staying in another country would make someone a little more mature“, he was smiling while he said it, but in a way it was true. Teruki still looked pretty much the same and hadn't even picked up an American accent that Bou could tease him about.
„You look so grown up“, Teruki said, pressing a hand to his heart in the imitation of a mother seeing her daughter pose in her prom dress. „I almost didn't recognize you. And you're staying out all night, doing who knows what...“, he laughed.
„I'm not!“, Bou huffed. „It's not like that, at all.“ He dropped down on a chair opposite his brother and stretched out his legs. „I mean... even if I wanted to, there's nothing you can do here. It's the middle of nowhere.“
Teruki nodded „It seems pretty bad. I guess our parents wanted you and Mimi to grow up in a more... protected environment.“
Bou rolled his eyes. Then, remembering that his brother had just crossed the pacific the night before, he asked
„How's America?“
Teruki was silent for a second, then he said
„Crazy. But nice. I like it.“
„Is it very different from here?“, Bou asked. Teruki thought about it, tipping the spoon against his mouth.
„Porn isn't censored there.“, he said eventually.
Bou stared at him and then started laughing.
„Wow. I can't believe that's the only thing you can come up with!“
Teruki just waved his hand in a dismissive motion and then let his head fall down to the table.
„I haven't slept in fourty-eight hours and you're trying to have a serious conversation with me. You should have known better.“
„Aww, you poor jet-lagged baby“, Bou said, still laughing.
They were silent for a minute.
„So... no pixel dicks?“, Bou inquired.
„No pixels anywhere“, Teruki confirmed.
After a while, Bou couldn't ignore the eery quiet inside the house anymore and decided to ask the dreaded question.
„Okay, so, where is everyone?“
His brother lifted his head from the table and for the first time it occured to Bou how tired he looked. He almost felt sorry for him.
„They went to buy a fishtank.“
Bou usually wasn't easy to throw off balance. But for some reason he found himself more and more often at a loss for words.
„... they what?“
„They went to buy a fishtank. For Mr Darcy.“, with that he held up a see through plastic bag filled with water and a small orange-yellow fish in it. It had sat on the chair next to him, invisible to Bou. Teruki examined the fish with a concerned look on his face.
„Poor thing. Noone should be forced to travel in a plastic bag.“
The fish did look miserable, thought Bou.
In that moment, they both heard a car pull in the driveway.
„Seems like the spanish inquisition is here“, Teruki said jokingly.
The rest of the day passed surprisingly uneventful. Bou and his brother spent it in Teruki's room, which was still empty for the most part. They introduced Mr Darcy to Goku (the cat and the fish spent ten minutes staring each other down through the glass of the fishtank) and listened to some of the CDs Teruki had brought with him from the US.
It was only after dinner was already over that everything came crashing down on them. Bou had seen it coming, so he tried to be on his best behaviour. He even volunteered to do the dishes after dinner and was almost finished, staring blankly into the foamy grey water, when a hand grabbed his wrist and made him drop the plate he was holding into the sink.
Bou didn't move, didn't try to squirm out of his father's grip. Simply stared down at his feet. For a long time there was silence, only the voices from the TV in the living room were audible, but Bou couldn't make out a word they were saying.
“What do you even think you're doing?”, asked his father finally, in a very low voice. And it made Bou a little bit happy, to know that the man felt the need to whisper in his own house.
“I don't know what you're talking about”, Bou said calmly, feeling his hand getting cold from the blood supply being cut off.
“You know exactly what I mean - look at me when I'm talking to you!”, he said and Bou obeyed, fear flashing through his eyes for a millisecond when he looked up into his father's face. At the slight twitching in the corner of his mouth Bou could tell that it hadn't gone unnoticed.
“What makes you think you can just disappear like that? Do you know how worried I was about you?”, Bou surpressed the urge to roll his eyes.
“Yeah, right”, he breathed shakily “Because you're so worried about my well-being.”
His father laughed, a small hollow fake laugh.
“You think you're so smart, Bou-Chan... You think I don't know what you do when you disappear like that? You think I don't know who you're with?”
Bou was pretty sure that his father was just bluffing. But still, the thought of this psycho knowing who his friends were sent a cold shower through his body. And then he felt the words come out of his mouth again, without his brain giving permission first. And he knew that they would get him into trouble.
“So? What are you going to do about it? Are you going to lock me up? You can't do anything, and you know it.”, Again, Bou wasn't surprised when his father's hand hit him in the face. If anything, the force of his punch startled him and he stumbled backwards, making a glass slide down from the counter and break on the tiled kitchen floor. From the corner of his eyes, Bou could see his father raise his hand again and anticipated another punch - which never came.
“What the fuck are you doing?”, he heard a voice say, very slowly. When he turned to the doorway he saw Teruki standing there, eyes wide.
“We're having a discussion, that's all”, his father said, and in every other situation Bou would have laughed, but this was a disaster, and even he didn't laugh when everything was about to fall apart. Teruki had seen. Teruki knew. He didn't know everything, but he knew enough to do something very stupid and ruin his plans.
“You... you were hitting him!”, Teruki's voice was louder now. The volume of the TV in the living room got turned up.
He broke out of his father's grip and ran past Teruki and out of the kitchen. He didn't hear him call out his name when he was on his way out the back door.
There was an old swing set in the backyard, left behind by the previous owners of the house, and right now, Bou was sitting there on one of the swings, dragging his socked feet through the patches of dirt beneath him. It took a few minutes until the yelling inside the house died down, and then Bou could hear the back door open and close and steps on the grass getting closer and closer. He looked up and saw Teruki standing a few feet in front of him, arms crossed in front of his chest and looking pissed off.
“That fucking...”, he stopped talking and just shook his head. Bou flinched at that and looked to the side, hands clutching the chains even tighter.
“Does he... does he hit you often?”
Bou shook his head. Shrugged. What did 'often' mean in this context?
Teruki sat down on the swing next to him and sighed. For a few minutes all that could be heard was the chirping of the crickets, reminding them just how far out in the country they really were.
“I can't believe he actually would do something like that”, Teruki started again, still in shock or so it seemed. “I mean he was always weird around you, but...”
“Are you going to tell someone?”, Bou asked.
“Do you want me to tell someone?”
“No!”, Bou answered a little too quickly. “I mean... I don't want you to tell anyone, because it wouldn't do anyone any good.”
“What do you mean?”
“If you tell the police or whoever, they'll just put me back in the foster care system. They'll probably take Mimi away, too. We'll most probably get separated and I might not see her or you ever again.”, Bou said and then looked up at his brother.
Teruki stared at him for a long time and then kicked the dirt.
“I still don't think we should let him get away with it.”
Bou pressed his lips together.
“It's okay. I won't be here for long, anyways.”, he said and saw Teruki's head shoot around to look at him from the side.
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“In three months I turn sixteen. Then I can get legally emancipated. I'll just leave and... go to Tokyo or wherever and start over.”
When Teruki just stared at him as if he had just sprouted a second head, he hurried to add
“Of course I'll still see you guys. I mean Mimi and you. I just won't live here anymore. It'll be better for everyone. You'll see.”
Teruki shook his head and stared up into the perfect starry night sky.
“Just to make this clear”, he said eventually, without looking at Bou “I think you're absolutely insane for wanting to do this. But I don't say I'm gonna stop you. I know if I hadn't gotten out of here two years ago, I would have gone insane, too.”
“So you won't tell anyone?”, Bou asked.
Teruki bit his lip and then shook his head curtly. He watched his brother let out a relieved sigh and use the momentum to push himself off the ground and swing higher and higher.
Suddenly, an entirely different thought entered Teruki's head.
“Hey, Bou?”
“What?”
“Did you remember to bring my drums when you moved here?”
AN: Congratulations! You made it through this mess of a chapter! *high fives all around*