The Solitary man
As the song says “I’m a solitary man”. Not in that I am alone or lonely. I am just a solitary man. I am most at peace when alone. I have very little explanation for this. I mean I have two brothers who I used to play with a lot as a child. They are good guys and we keep in touch with one another. I love them and there company. I do enjoy peoples companionship. But I mean it in this manner. I revel in solitude. Some times it is more enjoyable to me than anything I can imagine. Alone not with my thoughts, Instead it is like doing an activity that you would usually share with someone but by yourself. An example of this was I went to see Garden State this weekend, Alone. It was for me a phenomenal piece of artistic expression that touched many aspects of my personality very deeply. But if I had taken a girl, or perhaps come with friends. I doubt very seriously that it would have had the same effect. I mean I would be consciously aware of the people/person with me. That would keep me from becoming fully amerced in the story and the visual aspects of the film. Do not get me wrong. I need human interaction just like most people. But when I am dealing with people that I know very little about it feels like I am playing a role. I am a character in the film of my own life. It separates me from the situation. Not that I lie about things or that my feelings about certain subjects do not belong to me. I am simple speaking of the feeling of it. I feel like I am ON all the time. In order to keep an equilibrium with the situation around me. Not that I avoid conflict. I just find it easier to bend than most people.
As most people I do also require companionship (In my case with the opposite sex.) But because I move so much and the path of life I am on pulls me to so many different places. If a woman is not willing to follow then I must leave her behind. I have such a passion and desire to follow my dreams that I am not willing to let anything stand in the way of that. I mean anything. At some point I will either do one of two things. Fully realize my dream and then be able to devote attention to a woman that I love. Or I will not fully realize my dream but allow it to occupy some smaller portion of my life. Either way I will make plenty of room for someone else. That way I can give them the attention that people require. We are more like plants then we realize. We require care, time and effort to grow. So do relationships. I just don’t have the infinant energy to build a relationship and go after my dreams. Does this make me cold? Does it make me less open to people? No I just have to be honest with myself and honest with that other person.
Basically what I am saying is this. If I do meet a good woman between now and the realization of my dreams. Then she will have to, as Johnny Cash says “Understand your Man”. Meaning that all other choices are secondary in the decision to this one. My pursuit of my dream. Until such time it is achieved or an equilibrium is discovered were I can pursue it and manage a relationship. I am a compassionate person and I would not dream of taking away from someone the best opportunities in their short lives by tangling them up with my dreams and aspirations. So that is why I must be contented with the Idea that I can be a solitary man. It is my way of not ruining anyone’s chances for happiness. Unless my path in life truly makes them happy. I have to be a leader. I can not follow. But I have a hard time believing that will happen. My profession is not an easy pill to swallow. If someone is not willing to give me the time and space required to do it. Then not only am I wasting there time. They are waisting there time.
As most people I do also require companionship (In my case with the opposite sex.) But because I move so much and the path of life I am on pulls me to so many different places. If a woman is not willing to follow then I must leave her behind. I have such a passion and desire to follow my dreams that I am not willing to let anything stand in the way of that. I mean anything. At some point I will either do one of two things. Fully realize my dream and then be able to devote attention to a woman that I love. Or I will not fully realize my dream but allow it to occupy some smaller portion of my life. Either way I will make plenty of room for someone else. That way I can give them the attention that people require. We are more like plants then we realize. We require care, time and effort to grow. So do relationships. I just don’t have the infinant energy to build a relationship and go after my dreams. Does this make me cold? Does it make me less open to people? No I just have to be honest with myself and honest with that other person.
Basically what I am saying is this. If I do meet a good woman between now and the realization of my dreams. Then she will have to, as Johnny Cash says “Understand your Man”. Meaning that all other choices are secondary in the decision to this one. My pursuit of my dream. Until such time it is achieved or an equilibrium is discovered were I can pursue it and manage a relationship. I am a compassionate person and I would not dream of taking away from someone the best opportunities in their short lives by tangling them up with my dreams and aspirations. So that is why I must be contented with the Idea that I can be a solitary man. It is my way of not ruining anyone’s chances for happiness. Unless my path in life truly makes them happy. I have to be a leader. I can not follow. But I have a hard time believing that will happen. My profession is not an easy pill to swallow. If someone is not willing to give me the time and space required to do it. Then not only am I wasting there time. They are waisting there time.