(no subject)
i'm starting to consider celebrating my next birthday.
i used to think of it as getting older and not wiser, becoming of less use and more biased with experience, cynicism and bitterness ..
.. well, you get the idea;
adding more would only start to depress me.
in light of recent events, i've decided that it's not quite easy as i thought, to survive through another year of life. maybe it's worth celebrating the years we get to keep.
for some reason, i've been pondering mortality lately. this past year
i inadvertently went canoeing in alligator-infested waters;
i barely avoided a potential fistfight or two;
i was hit by a car and thrown to the ground;
i was recently elbowed in the throat (though an accident).
so this accounts for two visits to the emergency room in six months (though they weren't exactly emergencies in the urgent sense) and doesn't count for all the odd and end injuries.
sometimes i'm surprised that i'm still in one piece, still alive and kicking .. though my knee isn't what it used to be.
i feel spiritually tired, and sometimes i suspect that i'm depressed. i don't know. maybe it's graduate school taking its toll, or maybe it's mathematics. maybe it's just life.
i often feel old, but lately am loathe to say it; nobody wants to hear it, and it is not quite true to say that i'm old.
i'm beginning to sound like a boring, broken record. i'll write more when i feel more cheery.
i used to think of it as getting older and not wiser, becoming of less use and more biased with experience, cynicism and bitterness ..
.. well, you get the idea;
adding more would only start to depress me.
in light of recent events, i've decided that it's not quite easy as i thought, to survive through another year of life. maybe it's worth celebrating the years we get to keep.
for some reason, i've been pondering mortality lately. this past year
i inadvertently went canoeing in alligator-infested waters;
i barely avoided a potential fistfight or two;
i was hit by a car and thrown to the ground;
i was recently elbowed in the throat (though an accident).
so this accounts for two visits to the emergency room in six months (though they weren't exactly emergencies in the urgent sense) and doesn't count for all the odd and end injuries.
sometimes i'm surprised that i'm still in one piece, still alive and kicking .. though my knee isn't what it used to be.
i feel spiritually tired, and sometimes i suspect that i'm depressed. i don't know. maybe it's graduate school taking its toll, or maybe it's mathematics. maybe it's just life.
i often feel old, but lately am loathe to say it; nobody wants to hear it, and it is not quite true to say that i'm old.
i'm beginning to sound like a boring, broken record. i'll write more when i feel more cheery.