fields of barley and of rye
I'm trying to become more organized, so I'm going to start moving all of my writing onto this journal. Previously I just archived links, but this now strikes me as just as disorganized, if not more. This is for my own sake more than anyone else's, to try to keep everything in one place. I'm going to start by reposting those stories not already here that I've written for the O Si Sic Omnia Saiunkoku AU that majochan and I have been writing for a good long time now.
O Si Sic Omnia: Timeline
0 year: Shi Seien born
7 year: Shi Ryuuki born
14 year: "A Double-Edged Sword Cuts Both Ways," grey_damaskena
17 year: "A Leopard Can't Change Its Spots," part 1, grey_damaskena
18 year: A Wildfire Starts from a Single Spark," grey_damaskena; part 1 | part 2
26 year: "A Leopard Can't Change Its Spots," part 2, grey_damaskena
"A Capable Falcon Hides His Talons," majochan
A Leopard Can't Change Its Spots, part 1
Seien dug his fingers into his scalp with a sigh. It had been an exceptionally long day, starting as it had with two hour's worth of merciless bouts with Sou Taifu, spiking when a "discussion" with his elder brother ended up reaching sufficient volume to be heard over half the palace, and culminating when Shou Taishi had cornered him as he was leaving the archives after dinner. He had already been tired, but doubtless the headache was from the barrage of rather penetrating questions the grand advisor had put to him. He couldn't shake the feeling that his answers had been of absolutely vital importance, despite the mild and almost amused tone of Shou Taishi's voice. Seien had found himself wishing that he'd been wearing his sword, but what would he have done with it? Cut off the grand advisor's head?
Probably not a good idea, he reminded himself as he rubbed at his temples. No matter how satisfying it would have been.
As a result, though, it was very late. The moon was long since up, and Seien could feel exhaustion tugging at his bones, and the start of what would be painfully sore muscles from the morning's practice. Still, not bad, he couldn't help noting with a small amount of pride. Only a year ago they would have been bruises.
"Please excuse me, Your Highness . . ."
He turned to find the servant assigned to him already kneeling and sighed with impatience. "Shusui, you don't need to do that when we're alone. What is it?"
"Your Highness's youngest brother is--"
"Ryuuki's here? What's wrong?" He didn't wait for her to answer, but strode immediately past her to the door to his chambers. A thousand and one horrible things that could have happened to Ryuuki since the previous day raced through his head. He could have fallen in the pond and gotten sick. He could have been beaten by the other princes again. He could have been poisoned (his mind did not pause to consider why anyone would have bothered). A bookcase could have fallen on him, or a tree. Any number of terrible possibilities flashed through Seien's mind in the time it took him to reach the door and yank it open.
Ryuuki was standing just beyond, patiently waiting. He was dressed for bed in a sleeping robe that was a little too big for him, doubtless handed down from one of his older brothers, and his long hair looked a little tangled. Otherwise he seemed none the worse for the wear, likely because no one other than Seien had been bothered to pay attention to him for the past week or so. His smile when Seien opened the door was bright enough to light an entire wing of the palace.
"Ryuuki!" Seien sighed in relief, and then tried to be stern. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"
"Somewhere around midnight?" Ryuuki beamed. "But Aniue's still awake."
Seien quickly narrowed down the possible reasons why Ryuuki might be standing in the hallway outside his brother's door long after he was supposed to be asleep, with that expression on his face. "Ryuuki . . ."
"MayIsleepwithAniuetonightplease?" he said it fast, as if by doing so he could overrun any possible objections.
This time it came out as more of a groan. "Ryuuki."
"Please? I promise I won't steal all the blankets like I did last time!"
"Ryuuki, you're ten now, you know you're getting too old for this . . ." Ryuuki's face fell, and his eyes dropped down to his toes, which he shuffled back under the dragging hem of his robe. Seien could feel his heart falling right along with Ryuuki's face. "Did you have another nightmare?"
Ryuuki scuffed his toe, and nodded. He looked like a puppy that had been kicked. Seien felt his stomach twist. "You know it's just a dream, it's not something you should be scared of."
"But . . . but . . . it's so dark, and scary, and I can hear bad things but I can't see them . . . and . . ."
Tears were forming in Ryuuki's eyes. Seien felt like something that lived at the very bottom of the deepest, dankest, and most disgusting gutter in existence. "You came all the way here in the dark, didn't you?" he managed, but the question didn't have much force to it.
"It was different, this time," Ryuuki whispered, with a choke to his voice that always made Seien's heart stop. "I dreamed . . . that someone had sent you away, and you never came back, and I was all alone . . . it was so horrible! No one looked at me, no one talked to me, and I didn't know if I was even real anymore . . . when I woke up I knew it was a dream, I knew it, but I couldn't help it-- what if it wasn't? What if it was real? While I was coming here, I kept thinking it-- what if I came here, and you were gone after all? What if my dream was real, and this was the dream?"
Seien reached out and took his brother's hand, unclenched the young prince's fingers from the overhanging sleeve so that he could replace the fabric with his own hand. "It was just a dream, Ryuuki. You see? I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."
Ryuuki's fingers spasmed and went tight on Seien's hand. "Aniue, you won't leave me, right? You'll always be here."
"I promise." Seien pulled him in close for a reassuring hug, and Ryuuki burrowed his face into his brother's chest. He really has grown, Seien found himself thinking, comparing the Ryuuki of ten years old to the five-year-old in his memories. But he hasn't changed much at all . . . had he himself changed? Something was different inside him than it had been just five years ago, he knew, though he couldn't exactly say what it was. It wasn't just getting older, or managing to survive another five years at the palace.
"Something's going to happen, Aniue. Something big." Ryuuki's voice was muffled by the fabric of Seien's robe. "I'm scared."
"I know." Something big was coming, he could feel it as bone-deep as his own exhaustion. As ever-present as the simmering tension that blanketed the palace, symptom of the turmoil both within and beyond its high walls. Seien didn't know what it was, only that it would change everything. No matter what's coming, he vowed silently over his brother's head, I'll keep you safe, and I'll always be here for you. "All right, Ryuuki, you can stay here tonight."
"Really?" Ryuuki pulled back to look up at him, and the hope in his yellow-gold eyes was overwhelming even though the childlike roundness starting to drop away from his face.
"Yes, really," Seien tried to inject some firmness into his melting heart. "But this is the last time, all right? From now on you're sleeping in your own bed, even if you have a nightmare."
"Okay!" Ryuuki was beaming again now, and happily pulled Seien back through his rooms by the hand.
Seien saw Shusui standing unobtrusively off to the side, ready to put out the candles. Her eyes were downcast, but she had one voluminous sleeve over her mouth, and he knew it was hiding an amused smile. He felt his cheeks heat, and tried to hide it behind an ungraciously muttered "good night." It was hard to be grumpy with Ryuuki around no matter how tired you were, even if the servants were laughing at you. Especially not when Ryuuki, all smiles now that he had gotten his way, was exceptionally solicitous, making sure that everything was perfect for his adored older brother before he was willing to close his eyes himself. The pillows had to be just so, the way Seien liked them, and the window exactly that far open-- he even tucked his older brother in, and never mind Seien's token protest that it was supposed to be the other way around.
And despite having one arm trapped by a determinedly-clinging Ryuuki (or perhaps because of it), Seien fell asleep immediately, and was not disturbed by a single dream.
part 2
Seien sighed, and reached up to free his hair from the ever-present weight of its gold-trimmed covering. It had been an exceptionally long day, and the only part of it that he'd really enjoyed had been the practice bout with Sou Taifu that morning. Once court had started it had been one difficulty after another: first problems along the western border and then the budget disputes that had to be worked out every single year. The session had run late, and the evening's banquet later still, with no less than five different nobles pressuring him to take their daughter or granddaughter or niece or whatever as a wife. Every subsequent offer past the first unacceptable one just made him more determined to turn them all down. By the end of the banquet he found himself wishing that he'd been wearing his sword, but Shou Taishi had long since proposed to the court that the Emperor not carry arms during public ceremonies and events after that unfortunate incident with Senior Secretary Sai.
The motion had probably been a good idea, Seien admitted, but it had denied him a measure of personal satisfaction.
But with all of that, it was now very late. The moon was long since up, and he could feel exhaustion tugging at his bones, and the start of what would be a headache if he didn't get to sleep soon. Still, not bad, he thought to himself with a small measure of pride as he changed into his sleeping robe. When he'd first assumed the throne he'd had migraines by the end of each day. Ryuuki had scoured the Imperial archives for headache remedies and tried a new one every day, each more fearsome and foul-tasting than the last. He wasn't sure if Ryuuki's lack of experience in practical matters like cooking helped or hurt the resulting concoctions, though it was difficult to imagine how they could have been worse.
"Please excuse me, Your Majesty . . ."
He turned to find one of the servants assigned to him already kneeling and sighed. "Shusui, it's been ten years now that I've been telling you not to do that. What is it?"
"Your Majesty's esteemed younger brother is--"
"Ryuuki's here? What's wrong?" He didn't wait for her to answer, but strode immediately past her to the outer door to his chambers. A thousand and one horrible things that could have happened to Ryuuki since that morning raced through his head. He could have fallen in the pond and gotten sick. He could have accepted a marriage proposal from one of the politically ravenous nobles. He could have been poisoned (his mind did not pause to consider why Ryuuki wouldn't have noticed). A bookcase could have fallen on him, or a tree. Any number of terrible possibilities flashed through Seien's mind in the time it took him to reach the door and yank it open.
Ryuuki was standing on the step just beyond, patiently waiting. He was dressed for bed in a robe that he'd stolen from Seien, because he said he liked it even better than the ones Seien had ordered made for him, and his long hair looked somewhat tangled. His hem was a little damp from his walk through the garden, but otherwise he seemed none the worse for the wear, likely because absolutely nothing untoward had happened to him. But his smile when Seien opened the door was still bright enough to light an entire wing of the palace.
"Ryuuki!" Seien sighed in relief, then tried to be stern. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"
"Well past midnight?" Ryuuki beamed. "But Aniue's still awake."
Seien quickly narrowed down the possible reasons why Ryuuki might be standing in the garden outside his door long after he was supposed to be asleep, with that expression on his face. "Ryuuki . . ."
"MayIsleepwithAniuetonightplease?" He still seemed to think that if he said the words quickly enough Seien couldn't possibly object.
He was completely impossible, and the word came out as a groan. "Ryuuki."
"Please? I don't steal the blankets anymore, I've gotten much better about it!"
Seien reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Not because the threatened headache had come on, but because he felt like it should have. "Ryuuki, you're nineteen now, you're definitely too old for this."
Ryuuki's face fell, and his eyes dropped down to the dew-damp toes of his shoes, which he shuffled back under the hem of his robe. Seien could feel his heart falling right along with Ryuuki's face, and it felt the same way it always did when Ryuuki shuffled his toes like that. "You didn't have another nightmare, did you?"
"Not exactly . . . kind of . . ."
Ryuuki scuffed his toe at the step. He looked like a puppy that had been kicked, and how it was possible for him to give that impression when he was so far past the puppy stage Seien couldn't figure out. Seien still felt like his stomach was being wrung out, though, that certainly hadn't changed. "You haven't had one in a while, Ryuuki, and you can definitely handle them yourself."
"I know, I know I can! But this . . . this was different. Not scary, just . . . it felt so sad, somehow, like a wish that could never be fulfilled. I was in a bare, dead garden-- none of the trees would bloom, and I felt so lonely and unhappy . . . as if I had everything there was to have in life, but never the one thing I actually wanted . . ." Ryuuki averted his eyes as if he was ashamed of the emotion that clouded their depths. "It's stupid, I know, but when I woke up I just couldn't stand to be alone."
Seien reached out and took his brother's hand, unclenched Ryuuki's fingers from the overhanging sleeve so that he could replace the fabric with his own hand. "It was just a dream, Ryuuki. What is it that you want but don't have? You know I'd get it for you, whatever it is. I am the Emperor, after all."
He said it jokingly, and Ryuuki managed a wavering smile in response. "Aniue has already given me everything. All I want is Aniue's happiness."
"None of that," Seien said, mock-stern. "I told you that you should try to think of yourself once and a while, didn't I? Surely you can come up with something. What do you want?"
"I want . . ." Ryuuki paused for a moment, and then suddenly his smile was back again, "to sleep in Aniue's room tonight!"
Seien stared at him for a moment, astonished by how neatly and easily he had been trapped. He could laugh then, helplessly, knowing himself to be completely outmatched.
"Aniue?" Worry cracked through Ryuuki's smile.
How his brother could still manage to be so sweet when he was doubtlessly the most spoiled rotten teenager ever to exist was perhaps the most amazing thing about Ryuuki, Seien thought, and that was saying something since there were so many amazing things about Ryuuki. "You know, Ryuuki, sometimes I think that there was a mistake somewhere along the line, and you should have become Emperor instead of me."
"Don't say that!" Now Ryuuki looked scared. "Of course Aniue should be Emperor! Aniue is the best possible Emperor there could be!"
Ryuuki's panic at Seien's words was real enough; there were plenty of people who had tried to use Ryuuki against Seien, despite Seien's efforts to keep his brother from the petty and not-so-petty scheming of the court. They scared Ryuuki every time, and Seien often had to talk him out of overly extreme plans to keep himself from becoming a threat to his older brother's power and position. Ryuuki's vehemence on the subject was a little embarrassing, really. "I don't know about 'best possible' . . ."
"It's definitely true!" Ryuuki was blazing, now. "No one other than Aniue is acceptable!"
"All right, all right, calm down," Seien soothed. "I'm not going anywhere, don't worry." There was nothing for it, really. "You can stay here tonight."
Ryuuki's vehemence faded immediately into delight. "Really?" The promise of his child's face was fulfilled in maturity, but the way his eyes lit up was precisely the same as it always had been.
"Yes, really." Seien tried to inject some firmness into his melting heart. "But just this once. You're not a child anymore, Ryuuki."
"Of course not!" But Ryuuki was too pleased to have gotten his way for Seien's words to touch him. He trailed behind Seien like a colt on a lead, practically glowing with happiness. The prince even waved cheerily at Shusui as she stood with one elegant sleeve over her mouth, ready to put out the lights. Seien tried to pretend that she wasn't there, but he felt his face heating anyway. If Ryuuki was too old to insist on sleeping with his older brother, then said older brother was definitely too old to be blushing. And the Emperor besides; surely the Emperor did not blush. The Emperor did not get his pillows plumped by his younger brother, either, nor did the Emperor's younger brother open the window just so, or carefully tuck the Emperor into bed despite the Emperor's token protest that said younger brother was going a bit too far, surely.
Ryuuki's habits hadn't changed over the years; he laid claim to one of Seien 's arms, and detaching him seemed to require a great deal more effort than Seien cared to expend. In fact Seien was quickly dropping towards a dreamless, restful sleep when Ryuuki whispered, "I feel like . . . Aniue, don't you feel it, sometimes? Like there's a hole in our lives . . ."
"Mm," Seien managed, a sleepy mumble around the deepening haze of exhaustion.
"We're missing something," Ryuuki said softly into the darkness, setting his head against his brother's shoulder. "Something important. Something's supposed to be, and isn't . . ."
Seien's breathing was slow and even, a comforting and constant rhythm. "I'll find out what it is," Ryuuki closed his eyes and gave himself to the darkness, now that it no longer suffocated him with its weight. "And I'll get it back for you, Aniue. I promise."
O Si Sic Omnia: Timeline
0 year: Shi Seien born
7 year: Shi Ryuuki born
14 year: "A Double-Edged Sword Cuts Both Ways," grey_damaskena
17 year: "A Leopard Can't Change Its Spots," part 1, grey_damaskena
18 year: A Wildfire Starts from a Single Spark," grey_damaskena; part 1 | part 2
26 year: "A Leopard Can't Change Its Spots," part 2, grey_damaskena
"A Capable Falcon Hides His Talons," majochan
A Leopard Can't Change Its Spots, part 1
Seien dug his fingers into his scalp with a sigh. It had been an exceptionally long day, starting as it had with two hour's worth of merciless bouts with Sou Taifu, spiking when a "discussion" with his elder brother ended up reaching sufficient volume to be heard over half the palace, and culminating when Shou Taishi had cornered him as he was leaving the archives after dinner. He had already been tired, but doubtless the headache was from the barrage of rather penetrating questions the grand advisor had put to him. He couldn't shake the feeling that his answers had been of absolutely vital importance, despite the mild and almost amused tone of Shou Taishi's voice. Seien had found himself wishing that he'd been wearing his sword, but what would he have done with it? Cut off the grand advisor's head?
Probably not a good idea, he reminded himself as he rubbed at his temples. No matter how satisfying it would have been.
As a result, though, it was very late. The moon was long since up, and Seien could feel exhaustion tugging at his bones, and the start of what would be painfully sore muscles from the morning's practice. Still, not bad, he couldn't help noting with a small amount of pride. Only a year ago they would have been bruises.
"Please excuse me, Your Highness . . ."
He turned to find the servant assigned to him already kneeling and sighed with impatience. "Shusui, you don't need to do that when we're alone. What is it?"
"Your Highness's youngest brother is--"
"Ryuuki's here? What's wrong?" He didn't wait for her to answer, but strode immediately past her to the door to his chambers. A thousand and one horrible things that could have happened to Ryuuki since the previous day raced through his head. He could have fallen in the pond and gotten sick. He could have been beaten by the other princes again. He could have been poisoned (his mind did not pause to consider why anyone would have bothered). A bookcase could have fallen on him, or a tree. Any number of terrible possibilities flashed through Seien's mind in the time it took him to reach the door and yank it open.
Ryuuki was standing just beyond, patiently waiting. He was dressed for bed in a sleeping robe that was a little too big for him, doubtless handed down from one of his older brothers, and his long hair looked a little tangled. Otherwise he seemed none the worse for the wear, likely because no one other than Seien had been bothered to pay attention to him for the past week or so. His smile when Seien opened the door was bright enough to light an entire wing of the palace.
"Ryuuki!" Seien sighed in relief, and then tried to be stern. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"
"Somewhere around midnight?" Ryuuki beamed. "But Aniue's still awake."
Seien quickly narrowed down the possible reasons why Ryuuki might be standing in the hallway outside his brother's door long after he was supposed to be asleep, with that expression on his face. "Ryuuki . . ."
"MayIsleepwithAniuetonightplease?" he said it fast, as if by doing so he could overrun any possible objections.
This time it came out as more of a groan. "Ryuuki."
"Please? I promise I won't steal all the blankets like I did last time!"
"Ryuuki, you're ten now, you know you're getting too old for this . . ." Ryuuki's face fell, and his eyes dropped down to his toes, which he shuffled back under the dragging hem of his robe. Seien could feel his heart falling right along with Ryuuki's face. "Did you have another nightmare?"
Ryuuki scuffed his toe, and nodded. He looked like a puppy that had been kicked. Seien felt his stomach twist. "You know it's just a dream, it's not something you should be scared of."
"But . . . but . . . it's so dark, and scary, and I can hear bad things but I can't see them . . . and . . ."
Tears were forming in Ryuuki's eyes. Seien felt like something that lived at the very bottom of the deepest, dankest, and most disgusting gutter in existence. "You came all the way here in the dark, didn't you?" he managed, but the question didn't have much force to it.
"It was different, this time," Ryuuki whispered, with a choke to his voice that always made Seien's heart stop. "I dreamed . . . that someone had sent you away, and you never came back, and I was all alone . . . it was so horrible! No one looked at me, no one talked to me, and I didn't know if I was even real anymore . . . when I woke up I knew it was a dream, I knew it, but I couldn't help it-- what if it wasn't? What if it was real? While I was coming here, I kept thinking it-- what if I came here, and you were gone after all? What if my dream was real, and this was the dream?"
Seien reached out and took his brother's hand, unclenched the young prince's fingers from the overhanging sleeve so that he could replace the fabric with his own hand. "It was just a dream, Ryuuki. You see? I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."
Ryuuki's fingers spasmed and went tight on Seien's hand. "Aniue, you won't leave me, right? You'll always be here."
"I promise." Seien pulled him in close for a reassuring hug, and Ryuuki burrowed his face into his brother's chest. He really has grown, Seien found himself thinking, comparing the Ryuuki of ten years old to the five-year-old in his memories. But he hasn't changed much at all . . . had he himself changed? Something was different inside him than it had been just five years ago, he knew, though he couldn't exactly say what it was. It wasn't just getting older, or managing to survive another five years at the palace.
"Something's going to happen, Aniue. Something big." Ryuuki's voice was muffled by the fabric of Seien's robe. "I'm scared."
"I know." Something big was coming, he could feel it as bone-deep as his own exhaustion. As ever-present as the simmering tension that blanketed the palace, symptom of the turmoil both within and beyond its high walls. Seien didn't know what it was, only that it would change everything. No matter what's coming, he vowed silently over his brother's head, I'll keep you safe, and I'll always be here for you. "All right, Ryuuki, you can stay here tonight."
"Really?" Ryuuki pulled back to look up at him, and the hope in his yellow-gold eyes was overwhelming even though the childlike roundness starting to drop away from his face.
"Yes, really," Seien tried to inject some firmness into his melting heart. "But this is the last time, all right? From now on you're sleeping in your own bed, even if you have a nightmare."
"Okay!" Ryuuki was beaming again now, and happily pulled Seien back through his rooms by the hand.
Seien saw Shusui standing unobtrusively off to the side, ready to put out the candles. Her eyes were downcast, but she had one voluminous sleeve over her mouth, and he knew it was hiding an amused smile. He felt his cheeks heat, and tried to hide it behind an ungraciously muttered "good night." It was hard to be grumpy with Ryuuki around no matter how tired you were, even if the servants were laughing at you. Especially not when Ryuuki, all smiles now that he had gotten his way, was exceptionally solicitous, making sure that everything was perfect for his adored older brother before he was willing to close his eyes himself. The pillows had to be just so, the way Seien liked them, and the window exactly that far open-- he even tucked his older brother in, and never mind Seien's token protest that it was supposed to be the other way around.
And despite having one arm trapped by a determinedly-clinging Ryuuki (or perhaps because of it), Seien fell asleep immediately, and was not disturbed by a single dream.
part 2
Seien sighed, and reached up to free his hair from the ever-present weight of its gold-trimmed covering. It had been an exceptionally long day, and the only part of it that he'd really enjoyed had been the practice bout with Sou Taifu that morning. Once court had started it had been one difficulty after another: first problems along the western border and then the budget disputes that had to be worked out every single year. The session had run late, and the evening's banquet later still, with no less than five different nobles pressuring him to take their daughter or granddaughter or niece or whatever as a wife. Every subsequent offer past the first unacceptable one just made him more determined to turn them all down. By the end of the banquet he found himself wishing that he'd been wearing his sword, but Shou Taishi had long since proposed to the court that the Emperor not carry arms during public ceremonies and events after that unfortunate incident with Senior Secretary Sai.
The motion had probably been a good idea, Seien admitted, but it had denied him a measure of personal satisfaction.
But with all of that, it was now very late. The moon was long since up, and he could feel exhaustion tugging at his bones, and the start of what would be a headache if he didn't get to sleep soon. Still, not bad, he thought to himself with a small measure of pride as he changed into his sleeping robe. When he'd first assumed the throne he'd had migraines by the end of each day. Ryuuki had scoured the Imperial archives for headache remedies and tried a new one every day, each more fearsome and foul-tasting than the last. He wasn't sure if Ryuuki's lack of experience in practical matters like cooking helped or hurt the resulting concoctions, though it was difficult to imagine how they could have been worse.
"Please excuse me, Your Majesty . . ."
He turned to find one of the servants assigned to him already kneeling and sighed. "Shusui, it's been ten years now that I've been telling you not to do that. What is it?"
"Your Majesty's esteemed younger brother is--"
"Ryuuki's here? What's wrong?" He didn't wait for her to answer, but strode immediately past her to the outer door to his chambers. A thousand and one horrible things that could have happened to Ryuuki since that morning raced through his head. He could have fallen in the pond and gotten sick. He could have accepted a marriage proposal from one of the politically ravenous nobles. He could have been poisoned (his mind did not pause to consider why Ryuuki wouldn't have noticed). A bookcase could have fallen on him, or a tree. Any number of terrible possibilities flashed through Seien's mind in the time it took him to reach the door and yank it open.
Ryuuki was standing on the step just beyond, patiently waiting. He was dressed for bed in a robe that he'd stolen from Seien, because he said he liked it even better than the ones Seien had ordered made for him, and his long hair looked somewhat tangled. His hem was a little damp from his walk through the garden, but otherwise he seemed none the worse for the wear, likely because absolutely nothing untoward had happened to him. But his smile when Seien opened the door was still bright enough to light an entire wing of the palace.
"Ryuuki!" Seien sighed in relief, then tried to be stern. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"
"Well past midnight?" Ryuuki beamed. "But Aniue's still awake."
Seien quickly narrowed down the possible reasons why Ryuuki might be standing in the garden outside his door long after he was supposed to be asleep, with that expression on his face. "Ryuuki . . ."
"MayIsleepwithAniuetonightplease?" He still seemed to think that if he said the words quickly enough Seien couldn't possibly object.
He was completely impossible, and the word came out as a groan. "Ryuuki."
"Please? I don't steal the blankets anymore, I've gotten much better about it!"
Seien reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Not because the threatened headache had come on, but because he felt like it should have. "Ryuuki, you're nineteen now, you're definitely too old for this."
Ryuuki's face fell, and his eyes dropped down to the dew-damp toes of his shoes, which he shuffled back under the hem of his robe. Seien could feel his heart falling right along with Ryuuki's face, and it felt the same way it always did when Ryuuki shuffled his toes like that. "You didn't have another nightmare, did you?"
"Not exactly . . . kind of . . ."
Ryuuki scuffed his toe at the step. He looked like a puppy that had been kicked, and how it was possible for him to give that impression when he was so far past the puppy stage Seien couldn't figure out. Seien still felt like his stomach was being wrung out, though, that certainly hadn't changed. "You haven't had one in a while, Ryuuki, and you can definitely handle them yourself."
"I know, I know I can! But this . . . this was different. Not scary, just . . . it felt so sad, somehow, like a wish that could never be fulfilled. I was in a bare, dead garden-- none of the trees would bloom, and I felt so lonely and unhappy . . . as if I had everything there was to have in life, but never the one thing I actually wanted . . ." Ryuuki averted his eyes as if he was ashamed of the emotion that clouded their depths. "It's stupid, I know, but when I woke up I just couldn't stand to be alone."
Seien reached out and took his brother's hand, unclenched Ryuuki's fingers from the overhanging sleeve so that he could replace the fabric with his own hand. "It was just a dream, Ryuuki. What is it that you want but don't have? You know I'd get it for you, whatever it is. I am the Emperor, after all."
He said it jokingly, and Ryuuki managed a wavering smile in response. "Aniue has already given me everything. All I want is Aniue's happiness."
"None of that," Seien said, mock-stern. "I told you that you should try to think of yourself once and a while, didn't I? Surely you can come up with something. What do you want?"
"I want . . ." Ryuuki paused for a moment, and then suddenly his smile was back again, "to sleep in Aniue's room tonight!"
Seien stared at him for a moment, astonished by how neatly and easily he had been trapped. He could laugh then, helplessly, knowing himself to be completely outmatched.
"Aniue?" Worry cracked through Ryuuki's smile.
How his brother could still manage to be so sweet when he was doubtlessly the most spoiled rotten teenager ever to exist was perhaps the most amazing thing about Ryuuki, Seien thought, and that was saying something since there were so many amazing things about Ryuuki. "You know, Ryuuki, sometimes I think that there was a mistake somewhere along the line, and you should have become Emperor instead of me."
"Don't say that!" Now Ryuuki looked scared. "Of course Aniue should be Emperor! Aniue is the best possible Emperor there could be!"
Ryuuki's panic at Seien's words was real enough; there were plenty of people who had tried to use Ryuuki against Seien, despite Seien's efforts to keep his brother from the petty and not-so-petty scheming of the court. They scared Ryuuki every time, and Seien often had to talk him out of overly extreme plans to keep himself from becoming a threat to his older brother's power and position. Ryuuki's vehemence on the subject was a little embarrassing, really. "I don't know about 'best possible' . . ."
"It's definitely true!" Ryuuki was blazing, now. "No one other than Aniue is acceptable!"
"All right, all right, calm down," Seien soothed. "I'm not going anywhere, don't worry." There was nothing for it, really. "You can stay here tonight."
Ryuuki's vehemence faded immediately into delight. "Really?" The promise of his child's face was fulfilled in maturity, but the way his eyes lit up was precisely the same as it always had been.
"Yes, really." Seien tried to inject some firmness into his melting heart. "But just this once. You're not a child anymore, Ryuuki."
"Of course not!" But Ryuuki was too pleased to have gotten his way for Seien's words to touch him. He trailed behind Seien like a colt on a lead, practically glowing with happiness. The prince even waved cheerily at Shusui as she stood with one elegant sleeve over her mouth, ready to put out the lights. Seien tried to pretend that she wasn't there, but he felt his face heating anyway. If Ryuuki was too old to insist on sleeping with his older brother, then said older brother was definitely too old to be blushing. And the Emperor besides; surely the Emperor did not blush. The Emperor did not get his pillows plumped by his younger brother, either, nor did the Emperor's younger brother open the window just so, or carefully tuck the Emperor into bed despite the Emperor's token protest that said younger brother was going a bit too far, surely.
Ryuuki's habits hadn't changed over the years; he laid claim to one of Seien 's arms, and detaching him seemed to require a great deal more effort than Seien cared to expend. In fact Seien was quickly dropping towards a dreamless, restful sleep when Ryuuki whispered, "I feel like . . . Aniue, don't you feel it, sometimes? Like there's a hole in our lives . . ."
"Mm," Seien managed, a sleepy mumble around the deepening haze of exhaustion.
"We're missing something," Ryuuki said softly into the darkness, setting his head against his brother's shoulder. "Something important. Something's supposed to be, and isn't . . ."
Seien's breathing was slow and even, a comforting and constant rhythm. "I'll find out what it is," Ryuuki closed his eyes and gave himself to the darkness, now that it no longer suffocated him with its weight. "And I'll get it back for you, Aniue. I promise."