and nothing else matters
I've been avoiding posting lately-- feeling somewhat depressed, and I think the main reason for that is because I'm stressed about the blasted English Festival tomorrow. I hate performing in front of people, rather passionately. Yes, I was in orchestra for years. If I'd put the effort in, I could have been a professional harpist-- but that would mean a whole lot of performing on stage. Not to mention harp-hauling, which is a nightmare in and of itself.
But mostly it's the stage thing.
Yes, I know that I currently teach, and teaching is very much like performing on stage, just with a smaller audience. And I'm used to it now, but for a good couple of months there I was absolutely terrified before each and every class. No kidding. I was so afraid that I felt sick, just about every day. I prepared frantically, a lot more than I needed to. I sat at my desk for twenty minutes beforehand, fidgeting, recounting my copies, going over the teaching plan again, making up three extra activities just in case. And then when the bell rang, I picked up my heavy stack of materials, I went and I found whichever of my teachers I needed to, and I got through the class.
It's just what you do, when you're an adult.
My brother was complaining about something while I was home over Yule. About people not having time for this-or-that. I shrugged and said, "well, if we really wanted to do it, we would make the time. We're just using our busy schedules as an excuse." He pouted at me slightly, saying, "man, you're really unsympathetic, you know?"
I shrugged. "We should take responsibility for our own actions, our own selves. Everyone just makes up excuses instead of acknowledging their own behavior."
"Are you any different?"
"No, but at least I try."
So, no excuses. Instead, music! All of this is stuff acquired recently, and since I was uploading it anyway, might as well put it up here, too. All incredibly good songs.
Metallica - Nothing Else Matters
October Project - One Dream
October Project - Ariel
October Project - Always
October Project - Funeral in His Heart
The Fray - How to Save a Life
But mostly it's the stage thing.
Yes, I know that I currently teach, and teaching is very much like performing on stage, just with a smaller audience. And I'm used to it now, but for a good couple of months there I was absolutely terrified before each and every class. No kidding. I was so afraid that I felt sick, just about every day. I prepared frantically, a lot more than I needed to. I sat at my desk for twenty minutes beforehand, fidgeting, recounting my copies, going over the teaching plan again, making up three extra activities just in case. And then when the bell rang, I picked up my heavy stack of materials, I went and I found whichever of my teachers I needed to, and I got through the class.
It's just what you do, when you're an adult.
My brother was complaining about something while I was home over Yule. About people not having time for this-or-that. I shrugged and said, "well, if we really wanted to do it, we would make the time. We're just using our busy schedules as an excuse." He pouted at me slightly, saying, "man, you're really unsympathetic, you know?"
I shrugged. "We should take responsibility for our own actions, our own selves. Everyone just makes up excuses instead of acknowledging their own behavior."
"Are you any different?"
"No, but at least I try."
So, no excuses. Instead, music! All of this is stuff acquired recently, and since I was uploading it anyway, might as well put it up here, too. All incredibly good songs.
Metallica - Nothing Else Matters
October Project - One Dream
October Project - Ariel
October Project - Always
October Project - Funeral in His Heart
The Fray - How to Save a Life