i love my cat. he's a spaz most of the time, but when he isn't it makes it all worthwhile. he is sleeping on me and purring right now.... :3
i know things will work out.. i know they will, in my brain. my heart barely believes it, but i do have hope.
through all this crap, i have found out who i can really turn to. there aren't many, but they are few and very kind to me. i'm finding out that i really do have friends, and pretty much nobody thinks i am a 'fucking awful person'. most people seem to think i'm pretty cool, except sort of a sarcastic/jaded ass (which i am, and i have tried to change but i don't think anything TOO drastic is going to happen in that area).
my employment is... really pretty unofficial. it will work out, i know. also, i am cleaning my aunts house for $25/wk. my aunt is very nice to me, she doesn't know about what's going on with my life, but she is great for giving me an opportunity to make some cash. she's helped me out a few times before.
i understand today, that brian is hurt and miserable. he does a fair well job of hiding it most of the time, but i never hear anything from him. this evening he seemed pretty ... miserable. i wish i could do something for him, because it hurts me to see him hurting, but i can't. i can only try to take care of myself, and hope he will manage to do the same for himself.
if he doesn't, and if he'll let me, maybe i can try to help him back on his feet.
i'm feeling really optimistic about myself.
i got invited to a birthday party thing tomorrow ... this is really odd. i haven't been invited to a party... ever? not a real party. not a real 'you specific person, come to this event' party.
i feel really happy and really loved, but i'm not taking it for more than it is.
i find that riding the bus around town is a good reality check for myself, because people on the bus always have a lot to say, and it has nothing to do with my stupid self-inflicted trifles. i think that was a bad sentence.. oh well.
but it is 4am!! i must be off to bed! i just had a good night is all, and i had to write about it in my other lj.
i love my cat. he's a spaz most of the time, but when he isn't it makes it all worthwhile. he is sleeping on me and purring right now.... :3
i know things will work out.. i know they will, in my brain. my heart barely believes it, but i do have hope.
through all this crap, i have found out who i can really turn to. there aren't many, but they are few and very kind to me. i'm finding out that i really do have friends, and pretty much nobody thinks i am a 'fucking awful person'. most people seem to think i'm pretty cool, except sort of a sarcastic/jaded ass (which i am, and i have tried to change but i don't think anything TOO drastic is going to happen in that area).
my employment is... really pretty unofficial. it will work out, i know. also, i am cleaning my aunts house for $25/wk. my aunt is very nice to me, she doesn't know about what's going on with my life, but she is great for giving me an opportunity to make some cash. she's helped me out a few times before.
i understand today, that brian is hurt and miserable. he does a fair well job of hiding it most of the time, but i never hear anything from him. this evening he seemed pretty ... miserable. i wish i could do something for him, because it hurts me to see him hurting, but i can't. i can only try to take care of myself, and hope he will manage to do the same for himself.
if he doesn't, and if he'll let me, maybe i can try to help him back on his feet.
i'm feeling really optimistic about myself.
i got invited to a birthday party thing tomorrow ... this is really odd. i haven't been invited to a party... ever? not a real party. not a real 'you specific person, come to this event' party.
i feel really happy and really loved, but i'm not taking it for more than it is.
i find that riding the bus around town is a good reality check for myself, because people on the bus always have a lot to say, and it has nothing to do with my stupid self-inflicted trifles. i think that was a bad sentence.. oh well.
but it is 4am!! i must be off to bed!
i just had a good night is all, and i had to write about it in my other lj.
:)
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