A great Intarweb Adventure..
Day 1-
And so, I begin my trek in the great jungle that is the intarweb. I am alone. I am scared. My only companions are this trusty diary and my even more trusty high-powered rifle and pistol. I don't know what dangers will befall me, but I intend to meet them head on.
Day 3-
I attempted to scavenge some food from a french website. I snuck in undetected and made off with a week's supply of croissonts.
Day 4-
Today I met my first real obstacle. I found myself surrounded by junk mail. I was pulled in all directions. One screamed "Free viagra" another shouted "Penis pills" still other promised to make me money, find my soulmate, and end world hunger.
Day 5-
I escaped from the pack of junk mail by sneaking away during the day, where they are powerless. However, I expect them to track me by my sent like dogs or wolves. I do not know how long I can keep this up.
Day 7-
I know they're following. I doubled back and found signs that the pack was pursuing me. However, I also discovered a lake. It's called "Music Downloading" lake and I think if I use a boat to cross it, I can escape the pack.
Day 9-
The lake is proving to be more difficult to cross than I anticipated. The immense size of the lake is one problem. The other is a gigantic beast which lurks beneath the waves. Legends say its name is "RIAA" and those who spend too much time in the "Music Downloading" lake will be eaten by it. I do not know how long I have but I keep rowing long after my muscles should give out.
Day 10-
The beast has reared itself as it attempted to sink my small dinghy. I managed to escape his first attack and he swept back beneath the waves until even his dark shadow was invisible.
Day 11-
RIAA has not shown himself again. I fear for my life now more than ever. I do not when he will strike again only that each passing moment brings that strike ever closer. I clutch my rifles for security. But even that kind of firepower cannot assuage my absolute terror.
Day 12-
With the bank in sight RIAA made one last desperate attempt on me. I managed to avoid his first attempt, a scary strike from underneath. His second involved the beastly fish with long, sharp fangs leaping into the air to crush my boat. The raft was smashed to bits and swam for my life, keeping this diary dry by balancing it on my head, and my rifle slung over my shoulders. I have made it to shore but a new problem arises. RIAA cost me my pistol and my provisions. I will have to seek out food soon or I shall surely die.
Day 13-
I found a village of primitives. They seem to call their land LiveJournalia and they call themselves Angstyteenagers. Most generally suffer from extreme anxiety about the dumbest things such as high school boyfriends or girlfriends dumping them and threatening suicide for attention. Some do not conform to this stereotype but they are rare I cannot find many.
Day 14-
I discovered the Angstyteenagers to be cannibals! They try to consume that which does not conform to them! They were boiling a large pot of water and were going to try and put me in it when I shot my rifle. It scared the primitives so much that they did not bother me after that and I made my escape back into the jungle after I took large provisions of food from them.
Day 16-
Yesterday was uneventful and I am thankful for that. I have grown a sizely beard and I dislike it. I'll definitely shave it off when I find my way back to civilization. As I passed through a valley today I saw the most numerous animal in the intarweb. It was stampeding and majestic. The animals are called pr0ns by the locals and I witness the stampede being trailed by a hunting party of hornyteenagemales. They seemed determined not to return to their village without some pr0n.
Day 18-
I am home! I found the industrial city of Logoff and was able to get to airfare back to my homeland. I will never forget my harrowing experience in the Intarweb Jungle. I will never forget the wonders I'd seen. Tribal life of angstteenagers. The majestic pr0n. The perplexing hornyteenagemales. If I ever return, I will hunt the junk mail packs with a brandnew spambuster rifle.
And so, I begin my trek in the great jungle that is the intarweb. I am alone. I am scared. My only companions are this trusty diary and my even more trusty high-powered rifle and pistol. I don't know what dangers will befall me, but I intend to meet them head on.
Day 3-
I attempted to scavenge some food from a french website. I snuck in undetected and made off with a week's supply of croissonts.
Day 4-
Today I met my first real obstacle. I found myself surrounded by junk mail. I was pulled in all directions. One screamed "Free viagra" another shouted "Penis pills" still other promised to make me money, find my soulmate, and end world hunger.
Day 5-
I escaped from the pack of junk mail by sneaking away during the day, where they are powerless. However, I expect them to track me by my sent like dogs or wolves. I do not know how long I can keep this up.
Day 7-
I know they're following. I doubled back and found signs that the pack was pursuing me. However, I also discovered a lake. It's called "Music Downloading" lake and I think if I use a boat to cross it, I can escape the pack.
Day 9-
The lake is proving to be more difficult to cross than I anticipated. The immense size of the lake is one problem. The other is a gigantic beast which lurks beneath the waves. Legends say its name is "RIAA" and those who spend too much time in the "Music Downloading" lake will be eaten by it. I do not know how long I have but I keep rowing long after my muscles should give out.
Day 10-
The beast has reared itself as it attempted to sink my small dinghy. I managed to escape his first attack and he swept back beneath the waves until even his dark shadow was invisible.
Day 11-
RIAA has not shown himself again. I fear for my life now more than ever. I do not when he will strike again only that each passing moment brings that strike ever closer. I clutch my rifles for security. But even that kind of firepower cannot assuage my absolute terror.
Day 12-
With the bank in sight RIAA made one last desperate attempt on me. I managed to avoid his first attempt, a scary strike from underneath. His second involved the beastly fish with long, sharp fangs leaping into the air to crush my boat. The raft was smashed to bits and swam for my life, keeping this diary dry by balancing it on my head, and my rifle slung over my shoulders. I have made it to shore but a new problem arises. RIAA cost me my pistol and my provisions. I will have to seek out food soon or I shall surely die.
Day 13-
I found a village of primitives. They seem to call their land LiveJournalia and they call themselves Angstyteenagers. Most generally suffer from extreme anxiety about the dumbest things such as high school boyfriends or girlfriends dumping them and threatening suicide for attention. Some do not conform to this stereotype but they are rare I cannot find many.
Day 14-
I discovered the Angstyteenagers to be cannibals! They try to consume that which does not conform to them! They were boiling a large pot of water and were going to try and put me in it when I shot my rifle. It scared the primitives so much that they did not bother me after that and I made my escape back into the jungle after I took large provisions of food from them.
Day 16-
Yesterday was uneventful and I am thankful for that. I have grown a sizely beard and I dislike it. I'll definitely shave it off when I find my way back to civilization. As I passed through a valley today I saw the most numerous animal in the intarweb. It was stampeding and majestic. The animals are called pr0ns by the locals and I witness the stampede being trailed by a hunting party of hornyteenagemales. They seemed determined not to return to their village without some pr0n.
Day 18-
I am home! I found the industrial city of Logoff and was able to get to airfare back to my homeland. I will never forget my harrowing experience in the Intarweb Jungle. I will never forget the wonders I'd seen. Tribal life of angstteenagers. The majestic pr0n. The perplexing hornyteenagemales. If I ever return, I will hunt the junk mail packs with a brandnew spambuster rifle.