"our feelings don't matter"
I hate all of you. Law and Order: SVU - 11.06 "Spooked". In which the writers do not know the difference between the FBI and the CIA, like, at all.
I'm going out tonight, so I figured, hey, might as well watch it early, and spare some people some pain, if necessary.
Livebloggin'! I'm not even going to try to be as good at this as Sloane is.
- You know an episode's going to be quality when it opens with Comedy Robbers. These guys are straight out of 101 Dalmatians. Except in that movie, they don't find dead people in the backs of vans.
- Your (initial) crime this evening: Hispanic man and woman dead in back of van, man posed on top of woman by killer, who also hung the woman's bra and panties up to signal that he raped her before he slit their throats. Just to get that out of the way, I'm sure it probably won't be that important, because this is SVU.
- Liv does still make quite the hilarious "thinking" face. She is a serious cop!
Credits.
- Blah blah blah defensive wounds.
- Someone is installing new phones in the precinct. Munch complains that he'd just figured out how to use the old ones.
- Melinda informs Liv and Elliot that the killer stole the female victim's breast implants. For the hearing-impaired viewer, this is helpfully displayed as "MISSING BREAST IMPLANT" on the squadroom's multimedia evidence board. Thanks, guys.
- Blah blah blah Mexican gang tattoos .
- Elliot has to distract Munch from his phone's user guide, makes the BEST FACE.
- Blah blah stolen truck. Liv, why are your sunglasses so terrible?
- Olivia and Elliot eventually find the murdered girl's apartment. Along the way, they figure out that she was a drug mule, and Liv has the bright idea that she may have been smuggling heroin. In her implants. Yeah.
- Someone tries to break in to the apartment while they're there, someone who turns out to be...Agent Porter!
Act break.
- Agent Porter attempts to hold a serious conversation while holding a stuffed bear. Back at the squad, he shows a video (handily marked "EVIDENCE", thanks, guys), and...I am really bored recapping this plot, so just assume there are plot things happening in the background of this. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE HERE FOR.
- Elliot, to Porter: "So, you're pulling all of this out of your ass based on..."
Porter: "Your rape tree." *indicated the hung-up bra and panties
Liv (and simultaneously me) "Rape tree?!"
- Also, I just finished a book about the Mexican border, and coyotes and drug smuggling, so just FYI, this is all total bullshit.
- Porter "suggests" they work together, he'll follow the drugs, SVU follows the bodies. Elliot is...displeased by this.
- Liv chases Porter down in the hallway by the elevators, and they have an awkward conversation, interrupted (of course) by Elliot:
Porter: "You have my number."
Elliot: "Yeah, we all do."
Olivia: "Oh, give him a break."
...jealous much?
- Elliot ends up at the airport, looking for contraband. For his disguise as a waiting driver, he's holding a sign that says "ELLIOT". *headdesk*
- Oh, my God, they're in another public transportation terminal. This is a Fault ripoff.
- And, yes, Liv gets her dumb ass kidnapped by a Mexican drug lord carrying a cell phone gun. To her credit, I guess, her expression during the whole ensuing standoff is one of: "God, why am I such a dumbass?"
- Elliot chases them into the airport parking lot, backup swarming everywhere, and tries to talk Mr. Drug Lord down. Olivia manages to distract him, a shot rings out, they both fall down. Elliot freaks out, runs over, pulls Liv (who is fine) off the drug lord (who is dead), and DOES NOT LET GO.
SO THEY SIT THERE. HUGGING EACH OTHER IN RELIEF. HE GRABS HER HAND, AND TOUCHES HER FACE, AND SHE LETS HIM DO ALL OF THESE THINGS.
Then, they both look up, and realize that (of course) Porter fired the shot that saved Olivia. AND THEN THEY SIT THERE AND CUDDLE SOME MORE.
ACT BREAK, JESUS CHRIST.
- Elliot and Liv and Porter are talking. Elliot goes to give a statement and tells Porter thanks for saving my girlfriend "Nice shot." Porter asks if Liv's okay. She says, "I will be."
- Porter offers Liv a lift home. Elliot: "I'm good, thanks." Liv gives him a "the hell?" look and looks at Porter like "sorry, he's just like this". Elliot is GRINNING LIKE AN IDIOT after this stunning display of cockblocking, and Liv is like "...?"
- Basically, it's not their case anymore, but they're supposed to keep Porter informed if anything happens, which of course it does. They now suspect the roommate, Liv pulls out her phone to call Porter, and Elliot tells her to wait and see if anything develops.
- So, turns out the new phones were tapped by the cartel. Porter pulls the case entirely; he and Elliot get into a pissing match, while Porter wins. Angry, Elliot convinces Liv to go find their suspect before the feds do, it's clear that they've been arguing about Porter the entire time when they pull up to their suspect's apartment. LOL.
- Hey, the writers remembered Olivia speaks Spanish! They catch a dude with Ramona's heroin-filled implant (Jesus Christ, why does this show always have to be embarrassing in some way?)
- Porter spies on Elliot and Liv making the arrest.
Act break.
- Does Mariska actually speak Spanish? I can't tell if she doesn't or if it's just her always-stellar line reading.
- Porter tells our intrepid duo to back off once again. Olivia has clearly taken Elliot's dislike of him to heart (hee!) since she makes no objection to their discovery that Porter was the one bugging their phones.
- So, turns out the murdered girl's roommate is actually a spook. Only she's a double-agent for the Cubans. I don't even know. This is basically when I stopped paying attention to the plot.
- Liv has an idea.
- LIV, NO, YOU ARE NOT ROS MYERS, THIS WILL ONLY END BADLY. However, damn, she looks fantastic. She's invited Porter over for dinner. Elliot and Morales are closeted in her bedroom, LOL.
- *flirt, flirt, seduce, flirt, make out, shut down*
- ELLIOT''S IN HER BEDROOM, LOL.
- So...oh, God, this story's just too stupid. RUTH EVERSHED WOULD NEVER DO THIS SHIT.
- Long story short, Porter's a prick, Liv is sad, this whole mess is way above any of the character's paygrades, the end.
EDIT: Okay, so here's what was amazing about that, they do this whole "I'm so glad you're not dead!" thing, with HUGGING and CLINGING, and afterwards, IT'S NO BIG DEAL, THERE IS NO ANGST, it's just Elliot and Olivia being partners, so they're apparently both now okay with displaying emotion about each other. I FEEL THIS IS PROGRESS, SOMEWHAT.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
I'm going out tonight, so I figured, hey, might as well watch it early, and spare some people some pain, if necessary.
Livebloggin'! I'm not even going to try to be as good at this as Sloane is.
- You know an episode's going to be quality when it opens with Comedy Robbers. These guys are straight out of 101 Dalmatians. Except in that movie, they don't find dead people in the backs of vans.
- Your (initial) crime this evening: Hispanic man and woman dead in back of van, man posed on top of woman by killer, who also hung the woman's bra and panties up to signal that he raped her before he slit their throats. Just to get that out of the way, I'm sure it probably won't be that important, because this is SVU.
- Liv does still make quite the hilarious "thinking" face. She is a serious cop!
Credits.
- Blah blah blah defensive wounds.
- Someone is installing new phones in the precinct. Munch complains that he'd just figured out how to use the old ones.
- Melinda informs Liv and Elliot that the killer stole the female victim's breast implants. For the hearing-impaired viewer, this is helpfully displayed as "MISSING BREAST IMPLANT" on the squadroom's multimedia evidence board. Thanks, guys.
- Blah blah blah Mexican gang tattoos .
- Elliot has to distract Munch from his phone's user guide, makes the BEST FACE.
- Blah blah stolen truck. Liv, why are your sunglasses so terrible?
- Olivia and Elliot eventually find the murdered girl's apartment. Along the way, they figure out that she was a drug mule, and Liv has the bright idea that she may have been smuggling heroin. In her implants. Yeah.
- Someone tries to break in to the apartment while they're there, someone who turns out to be...Agent Porter!
Act break.
- Agent Porter attempts to hold a serious conversation while holding a stuffed bear. Back at the squad, he shows a video (handily marked "EVIDENCE", thanks, guys), and...I am really bored recapping this plot, so just assume there are plot things happening in the background of this. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE HERE FOR.
- Elliot, to Porter: "So, you're pulling all of this out of your ass based on..."
Porter: "Your rape tree." *indicated the hung-up bra and panties
Liv (and simultaneously me) "Rape tree?!"
- Also, I just finished a book about the Mexican border, and coyotes and drug smuggling, so just FYI, this is all total bullshit.
- Porter "suggests" they work together, he'll follow the drugs, SVU follows the bodies. Elliot is...displeased by this.
- Liv chases Porter down in the hallway by the elevators, and they have an awkward conversation, interrupted (of course) by Elliot:
Porter: "You have my number."
Elliot: "Yeah, we all do."
Olivia: "Oh, give him a break."
...jealous much?
- Elliot ends up at the airport, looking for contraband. For his disguise as a waiting driver, he's holding a sign that says "ELLIOT". *headdesk*
- Oh, my God, they're in another public transportation terminal. This is a Fault ripoff.
- And, yes, Liv gets her dumb ass kidnapped by a Mexican drug lord carrying a cell phone gun. To her credit, I guess, her expression during the whole ensuing standoff is one of: "God, why am I such a dumbass?"
- Elliot chases them into the airport parking lot, backup swarming everywhere, and tries to talk Mr. Drug Lord down. Olivia manages to distract him, a shot rings out, they both fall down. Elliot freaks out, runs over, pulls Liv (who is fine) off the drug lord (who is dead), and DOES NOT LET GO.
SO THEY SIT THERE. HUGGING EACH OTHER IN RELIEF. HE GRABS HER HAND, AND TOUCHES HER FACE, AND SHE LETS HIM DO ALL OF THESE THINGS.
Then, they both look up, and realize that (of course) Porter fired the shot that saved Olivia. AND THEN THEY SIT THERE AND CUDDLE SOME MORE.
ACT BREAK, JESUS CHRIST.
- Elliot and Liv and Porter are talking. Elliot goes to give a statement and tells Porter thanks for saving my girlfriend "Nice shot." Porter asks if Liv's okay. She says, "I will be."
- Porter offers Liv a lift home. Elliot: "I'm good, thanks." Liv gives him a "the hell?" look and looks at Porter like "sorry, he's just like this". Elliot is GRINNING LIKE AN IDIOT after this stunning display of cockblocking, and Liv is like "...?"
- Basically, it's not their case anymore, but they're supposed to keep Porter informed if anything happens, which of course it does. They now suspect the roommate, Liv pulls out her phone to call Porter, and Elliot tells her to wait and see if anything develops.
- So, turns out the new phones were tapped by the cartel. Porter pulls the case entirely; he and Elliot get into a pissing match, while Porter wins. Angry, Elliot convinces Liv to go find their suspect before the feds do, it's clear that they've been arguing about Porter the entire time when they pull up to their suspect's apartment. LOL.
- Hey, the writers remembered Olivia speaks Spanish! They catch a dude with Ramona's heroin-filled implant (Jesus Christ, why does this show always have to be embarrassing in some way?)
- Porter spies on Elliot and Liv making the arrest.
Act break.
- Does Mariska actually speak Spanish? I can't tell if she doesn't or if it's just her always-stellar line reading.
- Porter tells our intrepid duo to back off once again. Olivia has clearly taken Elliot's dislike of him to heart (hee!) since she makes no objection to their discovery that Porter was the one bugging their phones.
- So, turns out the murdered girl's roommate is actually a spook. Only she's a double-agent for the Cubans. I don't even know. This is basically when I stopped paying attention to the plot.
- Liv has an idea.
- LIV, NO, YOU ARE NOT ROS MYERS, THIS WILL ONLY END BADLY. However, damn, she looks fantastic. She's invited Porter over for dinner. Elliot and Morales are closeted in her bedroom, LOL.
- *flirt, flirt, seduce, flirt, make out, shut down*
- ELLIOT''S IN HER BEDROOM, LOL.
- So...oh, God, this story's just too stupid. RUTH EVERSHED WOULD NEVER DO THIS SHIT.
- Long story short, Porter's a prick, Liv is sad, this whole mess is way above any of the character's paygrades, the end.
EDIT: Okay, so here's what was amazing about that, they do this whole "I'm so glad you're not dead!" thing, with HUGGING and CLINGING, and afterwards, IT'S NO BIG DEAL, THERE IS NO ANGST, it's just Elliot and Olivia being partners, so they're apparently both now okay with displaying emotion about each other. I FEEL THIS IS PROGRESS, SOMEWHAT.
YOU'RE WELCOME.