Pictures vs. Words
Sorry if people are getting sick of these posts on past relationships gone wrong. I'll try to put in a warning in the first line or two of them from here on out so people can skip them if they want. There's a reason for continued posting of such though. It's a reminder to self of all the early warning signs to get out before it gets serious. See, the kid's father, THE EX, was physically abusive to both this body and the kid's, and we ended up in a women's shelter leaving that one, got all sorts of info on how to spot these losers early on, before you make a commitment, but 10 years out of that relationship, you quit going back through that notebook full of very important info, and bingo! You're right back with another controlling abusive loser!
Just the choice of songs for each relationship is a big indicator that you're not into something good, at least when you take a look at the video and see what happens to the girl at the end. Both songs, the words sound GREAT! But pretty words can be accompanied by ugly pictures in videos, ugly actions in real life.
Relationship with THE EX, kid's biological father: Guns N' Roses, "November Rain." (This video's 9 min long, so if you want, just watch the first minute or two to see "the full cast," then skip ahead to about 6 1/2 min in. Actually, if you're familiar at all with either video or just good at putting stuff together with minimal info, the last minute of either video shows it all.)
November Rain lyrics
Most recent relationship: Evanescence, "Bring Me to Life."
Bring Me to Life lyrics
No brains required to sort those images out.
One thing I have noticed though is missing from a lot of the "warning signs" posted in this journal recently. I can't even find the sheet in the notebook from the women's shelter, but I remember it. It's called "crazy making," and this one woman from the support group years ago described it as feeling like your head's caught in a washing machine, just spinning around and around and around, and it's going too fast for you to think straight or function properly, and so you stay stuck in the bad relationship because if you manage to realize that something's wrong, you think it's something wrong with YOU instead of the abuser. I was about ready to go check myself into a mental ward back in December, until I decided to go over to a friend's place to use internet, and was just ranting, and he said the words, "red flags." HELLO! I know that term! Guess what asshole? The only reason I was going crazy was because you were driving me there! I'm fully on my meds now, and I think if I'd been on them when we met, I never would have gotten involved with you in the first place! You are as cut out of my life as your image is out of the picture!
Can't post the video to this in a public entry, because among other things it shows violence, full frontal male nudity, and cannibalism, but you can find it yourself on youtube. Funny that the first abusive ex introduced me to NIN, and yet the lyrics describe pretty much how that kind of relationship makes you feel.
NINE INCH NAILS
"Gave Up"
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most
forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same
open my eyes wake up in flames
it took you to make me realize
it took you to make me realize
it took you to make me realize
it took you to make me see the light
smashed up my sanity
smashed up my integrity
smashed up what i believed in
smashed up what's left of me
smashed up my everything
smashed up all that was true
gonna smash myself to pieces
i don't know what else to do
covered in hope and vaseline
still cannot fix this broken machine
watching the hole it used to be mine
just watching it burn in my steady systematic decline
of the trust i will betray
give it to me i throw it away
after everything i've done i hate myself for what i've become
i tried
i gave up
throw it away
Just the choice of songs for each relationship is a big indicator that you're not into something good, at least when you take a look at the video and see what happens to the girl at the end. Both songs, the words sound GREAT! But pretty words can be accompanied by ugly pictures in videos, ugly actions in real life.
Relationship with THE EX, kid's biological father: Guns N' Roses, "November Rain." (This video's 9 min long, so if you want, just watch the first minute or two to see "the full cast," then skip ahead to about 6 1/2 min in. Actually, if you're familiar at all with either video or just good at putting stuff together with minimal info, the last minute of either video shows it all.)
Click to viewNovember Rain lyrics
Most recent relationship: Evanescence, "Bring Me to Life."
Bring Me to Life lyrics
No brains required to sort those images out.
One thing I have noticed though is missing from a lot of the "warning signs" posted in this journal recently. I can't even find the sheet in the notebook from the women's shelter, but I remember it. It's called "crazy making," and this one woman from the support group years ago described it as feeling like your head's caught in a washing machine, just spinning around and around and around, and it's going too fast for you to think straight or function properly, and so you stay stuck in the bad relationship because if you manage to realize that something's wrong, you think it's something wrong with YOU instead of the abuser. I was about ready to go check myself into a mental ward back in December, until I decided to go over to a friend's place to use internet, and was just ranting, and he said the words, "red flags." HELLO! I know that term! Guess what asshole? The only reason I was going crazy was because you were driving me there! I'm fully on my meds now, and I think if I'd been on them when we met, I never would have gotten involved with you in the first place! You are as cut out of my life as your image is out of the picture!
Can't post the video to this in a public entry, because among other things it shows violence, full frontal male nudity, and cannibalism, but you can find it yourself on youtube. Funny that the first abusive ex introduced me to NIN, and yet the lyrics describe pretty much how that kind of relationship makes you feel.
NINE INCH NAILS
"Gave Up"
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most
forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same
open my eyes wake up in flames
it took you to make me realize
it took you to make me realize
it took you to make me realize
it took you to make me see the light
smashed up my sanity
smashed up my integrity
smashed up what i believed in
smashed up what's left of me
smashed up my everything
smashed up all that was true
gonna smash myself to pieces
i don't know what else to do
covered in hope and vaseline
still cannot fix this broken machine
watching the hole it used to be mine
just watching it burn in my steady systematic decline
of the trust i will betray
give it to me i throw it away
after everything i've done i hate myself for what i've become
i tried
i gave up
throw it away