Understanding and growing stronger
Jon once said to me that "writing this talk will make you stronger" he was 100% correct. This talk truly did make me stronger and it also made me realize a lot of things......
My retreat talk:
There are many instances in our lives that make us feel as though God does not care so we lose faith in him. We feel that God has hurt us. Perhaps we feel that God has given up, or isn’t answering our prayers. Sometimes we blame God for problems and tragedies that occur in our lives or in the lives of others who are close to us. But most times the relationship we have with God is lacking on our part.
Being a high school student means that there are a lot of pressures. School, work, extracurricular activities, and sports all take up time and energy. Although, these are all important aspects of helping us grow into mature young adults, they sometimes also stand in the way of building a relationship with God.
At the moment, I find my relationship with God lacking. There are many aspects of my life that have caused me to question my faith and my relationship with God. I struggle with academics. I try my hardest to receive passing grades, but I always feel that I am fighting a never-ending uphill battle. I feel depressed, discouraged, and like a failure. I want to feel that I don’t have to struggle to get good grades. But for me getting good grades is a little more difficult. I have a condition known as Attention Deficient Hyperactivity Disorder, aka ADHD. Being that I have ADHD, it is harder for me to concentrate and focus on my work and other activities. I was 7 when I was diagnosed, at the time I had no clue about what was going on and why I was taking this strange medicine. But now that I am older, I kind of know what is going on and I have a better understanding of it.
As if living with ADHD wasn’t hard enough to deal with, I also experienced some losses that only added to my depression. This past January, I lost one of my friends. Not because of some stupid fight but because of cancer. I was devastated when I found out; I didn’t think I would be able to go on. Then later that same week a family friend died, also because of cancer. I was so upset that I became really depressed and suicidal, and I lost all faith in God. After a while of just holding everything inside, I blew up and started to cut. I saw cutting as my way of escaping reality for a while. About a week or two after I started, a few of my friends found out and freaked out on me. They yelled and told me to stop cutting myself, but I didn’t want to. Then one by one they all started to give up on me, everyone expect for my best friend Kevin. He was the one that made me realize that I needed to get help. He kept telling me that I wasn’t only hurting myself and that I was hurting him and everyone else that cares about me. I took his words to heart and they made me realize that I really did need to stop.
I believe that Kevin was sent here, from God, to not only be my best friend but to also be my Guardian Angel. To watch over me and make sure that nothing happens to me.
Although I have stopped cutting, I still struggle with my depression and my ADHD. There are many obstacles in my way, but I am trying to see past them, to finally build a healthy relationship with God.
~*~ Christina~*~