Today...
Today all I could do was whimper and say goodbye. Hug my friends, hold them tight, and try soo hard not to cry. It hurt alot to see them leave, and be so happy without me. And it hurts more and more, now that it's over. Why did summer have to come? It ended all that I knew, all that I've known these past 10 months. I'm lost, I don't know what to do, and I'm afraid that this is how it will be forever.
Why.
*Why can't I be happy?*Why can't I have fun?*Why am I lost?*Why does it hurt? Why, when it happens every year?
This year meant so much to me, but, why? Je ne sais pas. I don't know anything any more. Words spoken. Thoughts thought. Life 'lived'. All meaning lost. Truth is deceiving. Hidden from sight. And lies have now become me. What is there left? Except for to wait and bide my time, till the inevitable. Summer plans? I don't know... All I know is Hawaii, don't know how to feel about that. And it's in August. What till then? Mother. I can't lie to her anymore, soon I'll have to go over there. Cross that thin line between insanity and boredom. I hate her. She is everything that I don't want. The bible says honour thy mother and father. But the bible is just a book. Burned easily. And I'm not that type of religious. Fire. Backyard. As soon as Yuliya comes. Burn, school papers, burn tests, burn Hemingway! Fire, passion, love! I love all of you guys! Wow, was I rambling? It's called sleep deprivation. And I'm gonna go cure it now!
Why.
*Why can't I be happy?*Why can't I have fun?*Why am I lost?*Why does it hurt? Why, when it happens every year?
This year meant so much to me, but, why? Je ne sais pas. I don't know anything any more. Words spoken. Thoughts thought. Life 'lived'. All meaning lost. Truth is deceiving. Hidden from sight. And lies have now become me. What is there left? Except for to wait and bide my time, till the inevitable. Summer plans? I don't know... All I know is Hawaii, don't know how to feel about that. And it's in August. What till then? Mother. I can't lie to her anymore, soon I'll have to go over there. Cross that thin line between insanity and boredom. I hate her. She is everything that I don't want. The bible says honour thy mother and father. But the bible is just a book. Burned easily. And I'm not that type of religious. Fire. Backyard. As soon as Yuliya comes. Burn, school papers, burn tests, burn Hemingway! Fire, passion, love! I love all of you guys! Wow, was I rambling? It's called sleep deprivation. And I'm gonna go cure it now!