Text - Chapter 39
Title: Text
Author: gremlin4
Genre: Humor
Chapter: 39/??
Pairing: Kyo/Ruki
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language.
Disclaimer: Still don't own them.
Summary: A bunch of text messages between Kyo and Ruki.
Notes: Hey, guys! Long time, no see. I just wanted to take a moment to let everyone know that I've started reposting my works on AO3 recently, starting with my Text Series. During the process, I've found myself editing and adding to the old Text chapters for if you guys have a free moment. Otherwise, here's a new chapter that I hope everyone enjoys.
What the hell Kyo?!
Just...
WHAT in the fucking hell?!
I'd like to know too.
What did you DO to your hair?
Oh. Yeah.
That.
Yes, that!!!
I cut it.
No, you didn't!!
Cutting it means shortening the length. It's just fucking GONE!
Melodramatic much?
I can't believe you.
Relax. It's just a simple cut.
A simple cut?!
There's nothing simple about this!
God, WHY!?
Because I didn't want to deal with it anymore.
You didn't want to deal with it anymore?
Yes, that's what I wrote.
I'm just having a difficult time wrapping my head around such an idiotic statement.
You didn't want to DEAL with it anymore?!
It's your fucking hair! Why the hell wouldn't you want to deal with it anymore?!
~*~*~*~ Two Minutes Later ~*~*~*~
Oh, no you don't! You are not ignoring me about this!
~*~*~*~ Five Minutes Later ~*~*~*~
God damn it Kyo! You answer me right now.
Why the fuck did you cut off all your hair?
And I want a real answer this time, dickhead!
~*~*~*~ Two Minutes Later ~*~*~*~
Was it to get back at me?
Are you trying to make me kill you?
Like, is this some form of passive-aggressive suicide by driving me to kill you instead of just jumping off a bridge?
Now that's a little extreme.
Then why?
Because I certainly can't see a good reason why you would do something so horrible.
...
Do you have some form of terminal cancer you've neglected to mention and now your hair is falling out so you just cut it all off so I wouldn't know?
Again. A little extreme.
THEN TELL ME!
...
Oh, god.
I have to start planning your funeral and figuring out what to tell our friends, our coworkers, your family, the press...
I'm not dying.
COULD HAVE FOOLED ME!!!
Calm down. It was just a mistake.
A mistake!?! Your hair is completely gone and you call that a MISTAKE? It's a fucking tragedy is what it is!
It's hair Ruki.
No, it is not!
It is part of your image. It's part of your sex appeal.
It's part of the reason I find you so god damn attractive. Losing it is like the equivalent of losing your dick to me.
Are you fucking serious?
Yes!
So because I cut off all my hair you don't think I'm attractive anymore?
I said it lowered your sex appeal in my eyes. Not that you're completely unattractive now.
Right.
Because that makes me feel better.
How do you think I feel?!
...
It was a rhetorical question, ass.
I guess I should feel grateful that it was only your hair this time. It'll grow back pretty quick.
Hopefully.
You should like such a disappointed mother.
I feel like one!
I honestly feel like a mother who walked in on their child surrounded by chunks of hair and a pair of scissors.
Only yelling won't fix this and I can't even smack you over the head because we're not even in the same country right now.
Lucky me.
Ugh, why couldn't you do something less extreme like get another shitty tattoo?
We could have covered that up with makeup easily.
Maybe I didn't want another tattoo.
Maybe I wanted to cut off all my hair?
Obviously you're damaged in the head.
But it's okay.
We can fix this. I think.
This conversation is feeling very one-sided.
Maybe we can get you a nice wig?
No, that won't work. You've already done the damned interview practically bald.
No one will believe you have a full head of hair two days later.
...
What kind of mistake made you think cutting it all off would be a better alternative?
~*~*~*~ Five Minutes Later ~*~*~*~
Kyo?
~*~*~*~ Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~
Seriously, Kyo. I'd like to know what made you think this was the answer?
~*~*~*~ Five Minutes Later ~*~*~*~
Kyo!
~*~*~*~ Two Minutes Later ~*~*~*~
Are you seriously ignoring me about this?
~*~*~*~ Five Minutes Later ~*~*~*~
Jesus. It's just hair Kyo!
Exactly.
Meaning what?
It's just hair, Ruki. It'll grow back.
I don't see the point in getting so upset over it.
Because you look-- You look--
Yes?
Ugh.
I look 'ugh' without hair? Well, that certainly inspires a lot of confidence in a person.
Like you really care. You probably did this just to spite me.
Yes, that's exactly it Ruki. You've discovered the very thing that motivates me to make any and all decisions about my life.
It certainly wouldn't surprise me if you did.
Oh, for the love of-- The stylist made a mistake and burned a patch of my hair.
Rather than let her try and fix it, I told her just to cut the hair away.
I didn't realize how close to the scalp she burned the hair until she started cutting. By then it was too late so I just had her buzz it off.
She BURNED your hair?
Yes.
How? WHY?
She wasn't really paying attention.
Held the straighter on my hair too long and ended up burning the hair.
How the hell didn't you notice?!
I was busy.
Doing what? Staring at her tits?
Texting you actually.
Oh.
...
Fine. You're forgiven.
Thanks, I think?
Did you have her arrested for assault?
It was an accident Ruki.
It wasn't like she attacked me with it.
She's waving around a heated piece of metal in front of your face without proper concern for your wellbeing.
She could have seriously hurt you.
Therefore she deserves to be in jail.
Did you at least fire her?
You know I don't have control over things like that.
But Kaoru did talk with management. She's been removed from our crew and transferred to another company.
She's lucky I wasn't there.
She's lucking indeed.
You would have probably traumatized the poor woman for life.
She would have deserved it.
That bitch just cost me three months worth of enjoyable sex.
...
I'm kidding. You haven't suddenly become unappealing to me just because you're bald.
I'm not bald.
Close enough.
...
This just simply makes it awkward now.
Why?
Because I always refer to you as my dirty old man as a joke and now you're bald.
People are going to start thinking it's true now.
They'll probably start thinking your my sugar daddy or my pimp.
Awkward.
...
If you start asking me to call you daddy this whole engagement is off.
Right.
I'm going to go take a shower now.
Try and wash off the horrible things I've just been subjected to over the last hour.
Just don't look in the mirror, Kyo.
Replacing a mirror in the Hilton is very expensive and we really can't afford it at the moment since we're getting you a nice, expensive wig.
Interview be damned!
...
Enjoy your shower Daddy.
You're a little shit, y'know that?
I love you too, Baldy.
Note: Okay, this one was practically wrote by my Ruki muse. Though I'm kind of in agreement with him. Coming back into the loop after a near 6 year absence to see Kyo with practically no hair was quite a shock and my Ruki muse was not, I mean, WAS NOT having it. -lol-
On a side note... Can someone please explain to me how Ruki became even more beautiful over the years? That man was gorgeous before, but now I need a pair of sunglasses to look at pictures or videos of him because his looks are fucking blinding! Meanwhile Kyo has gone from hard-core to like the ultimate badass. -lol- I swear those two. You turn around for just a moment and they knock you on your ass.
Author: gremlin4
Genre: Humor
Chapter: 39/??
Pairing: Kyo/Ruki
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language.
Disclaimer: Still don't own them.
Summary: A bunch of text messages between Kyo and Ruki.
Notes: Hey, guys! Long time, no see. I just wanted to take a moment to let everyone know that I've started reposting my works on AO3 recently, starting with my Text Series. During the process, I've found myself editing and adding to the old Text chapters for if you guys have a free moment. Otherwise, here's a new chapter that I hope everyone enjoys.
What the hell Kyo?!
Just...
WHAT in the fucking hell?!
I'd like to know too.
What did you DO to your hair?
Oh. Yeah.
That.
Yes, that!!!
I cut it.
No, you didn't!!
Cutting it means shortening the length. It's just fucking GONE!
Melodramatic much?
I can't believe you.
Relax. It's just a simple cut.
A simple cut?!
There's nothing simple about this!
God, WHY!?
Because I didn't want to deal with it anymore.
You didn't want to deal with it anymore?
Yes, that's what I wrote.
I'm just having a difficult time wrapping my head around such an idiotic statement.
You didn't want to DEAL with it anymore?!
It's your fucking hair! Why the hell wouldn't you want to deal with it anymore?!
~*~*~*~ Two Minutes Later ~*~*~*~
Oh, no you don't! You are not ignoring me about this!
~*~*~*~ Five Minutes Later ~*~*~*~
God damn it Kyo! You answer me right now.
Why the fuck did you cut off all your hair?
And I want a real answer this time, dickhead!
~*~*~*~ Two Minutes Later ~*~*~*~
Was it to get back at me?
Are you trying to make me kill you?
Like, is this some form of passive-aggressive suicide by driving me to kill you instead of just jumping off a bridge?
Now that's a little extreme.
Then why?
Because I certainly can't see a good reason why you would do something so horrible.
...
Do you have some form of terminal cancer you've neglected to mention and now your hair is falling out so you just cut it all off so I wouldn't know?
Again. A little extreme.
THEN TELL ME!
...
Oh, god.
I have to start planning your funeral and figuring out what to tell our friends, our coworkers, your family, the press...
I'm not dying.
COULD HAVE FOOLED ME!!!
Calm down. It was just a mistake.
A mistake!?! Your hair is completely gone and you call that a MISTAKE? It's a fucking tragedy is what it is!
It's hair Ruki.
No, it is not!
It is part of your image. It's part of your sex appeal.
It's part of the reason I find you so god damn attractive. Losing it is like the equivalent of losing your dick to me.
Are you fucking serious?
Yes!
So because I cut off all my hair you don't think I'm attractive anymore?
I said it lowered your sex appeal in my eyes. Not that you're completely unattractive now.
Right.
Because that makes me feel better.
How do you think I feel?!
...
It was a rhetorical question, ass.
I guess I should feel grateful that it was only your hair this time. It'll grow back pretty quick.
Hopefully.
You should like such a disappointed mother.
I feel like one!
I honestly feel like a mother who walked in on their child surrounded by chunks of hair and a pair of scissors.
Only yelling won't fix this and I can't even smack you over the head because we're not even in the same country right now.
Lucky me.
Ugh, why couldn't you do something less extreme like get another shitty tattoo?
We could have covered that up with makeup easily.
Maybe I didn't want another tattoo.
Maybe I wanted to cut off all my hair?
Obviously you're damaged in the head.
But it's okay.
We can fix this. I think.
This conversation is feeling very one-sided.
Maybe we can get you a nice wig?
No, that won't work. You've already done the damned interview practically bald.
No one will believe you have a full head of hair two days later.
...
What kind of mistake made you think cutting it all off would be a better alternative?
~*~*~*~ Five Minutes Later ~*~*~*~
Kyo?
~*~*~*~ Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~
Seriously, Kyo. I'd like to know what made you think this was the answer?
~*~*~*~ Five Minutes Later ~*~*~*~
Kyo!
~*~*~*~ Two Minutes Later ~*~*~*~
Are you seriously ignoring me about this?
~*~*~*~ Five Minutes Later ~*~*~*~
Jesus. It's just hair Kyo!
Exactly.
Meaning what?
It's just hair, Ruki. It'll grow back.
I don't see the point in getting so upset over it.
Because you look-- You look--
Yes?
Ugh.
I look 'ugh' without hair? Well, that certainly inspires a lot of confidence in a person.
Like you really care. You probably did this just to spite me.
Yes, that's exactly it Ruki. You've discovered the very thing that motivates me to make any and all decisions about my life.
It certainly wouldn't surprise me if you did.
Oh, for the love of-- The stylist made a mistake and burned a patch of my hair.
Rather than let her try and fix it, I told her just to cut the hair away.
I didn't realize how close to the scalp she burned the hair until she started cutting. By then it was too late so I just had her buzz it off.
She BURNED your hair?
Yes.
How? WHY?
She wasn't really paying attention.
Held the straighter on my hair too long and ended up burning the hair.
How the hell didn't you notice?!
I was busy.
Doing what? Staring at her tits?
Texting you actually.
Oh.
...
Fine. You're forgiven.
Thanks, I think?
Did you have her arrested for assault?
It was an accident Ruki.
It wasn't like she attacked me with it.
She's waving around a heated piece of metal in front of your face without proper concern for your wellbeing.
She could have seriously hurt you.
Therefore she deserves to be in jail.
Did you at least fire her?
You know I don't have control over things like that.
But Kaoru did talk with management. She's been removed from our crew and transferred to another company.
She's lucky I wasn't there.
She's lucking indeed.
You would have probably traumatized the poor woman for life.
She would have deserved it.
That bitch just cost me three months worth of enjoyable sex.
...
I'm kidding. You haven't suddenly become unappealing to me just because you're bald.
I'm not bald.
Close enough.
...
This just simply makes it awkward now.
Why?
Because I always refer to you as my dirty old man as a joke and now you're bald.
People are going to start thinking it's true now.
They'll probably start thinking your my sugar daddy or my pimp.
Awkward.
...
If you start asking me to call you daddy this whole engagement is off.
Right.
I'm going to go take a shower now.
Try and wash off the horrible things I've just been subjected to over the last hour.
Just don't look in the mirror, Kyo.
Replacing a mirror in the Hilton is very expensive and we really can't afford it at the moment since we're getting you a nice, expensive wig.
Interview be damned!
...
Enjoy your shower Daddy.
You're a little shit, y'know that?
I love you too, Baldy.
Note: Okay, this one was practically wrote by my Ruki muse. Though I'm kind of in agreement with him. Coming back into the loop after a near 6 year absence to see Kyo with practically no hair was quite a shock and my Ruki muse was not, I mean, WAS NOT having it. -lol-
On a side note... Can someone please explain to me how Ruki became even more beautiful over the years? That man was gorgeous before, but now I need a pair of sunglasses to look at pictures or videos of him because his looks are fucking blinding! Meanwhile Kyo has gone from hard-core to like the ultimate badass. -lol- I swear those two. You turn around for just a moment and they knock you on your ass.