(no subject)
Dear cats,
Please stop shitting all over everything I do. Literally. I know you think you think that when I go through all that trouble weeding and digging and turning the soil over again and again that I am making a truly enormous catbox for you to shit all over.
Well I'm not.
Maybe you might have been clued in by the way you don't see ME pooping in it. Or perhaps the way I start screaming at you every time I see you squatting after every time I have turned my back for five seconds.
I really don't appreciate the way you hide out in the grass just WAITING for me to be done. I KNOW this means you KNOW I don't like it. Also, when I go to the trouble of putting nets up over things, it really displeases me to find you have still not only managed to tromp all over stuff in spite of common sense dictating you stay OFF such a contraption, but also to find you have left little poo pieces suspended up there on top of the nets.
Look. I don't shit where YOU eat okay? If you don't start returning the favor YOU ARE GOING TO START TEMPTING ME.
Also, Poop Face....I know you have the Dire Rear right now and that's not your fault...but I'd really like it if you could somehow refrain from having your little accidents on my USB cables. Seriously, this is the second time this has happened. Do you just sit on them like you're incubating them while I'm gone or something?
While I'm on the subject, I'd like to give a shout out to the bird in my bathroom. Yes, it was my fault I dropped the embroidery thread in your area, but I'd just like to thank you for making sure you shat all over it within a matter of hours. It seemed to be the only place you pooped, so good job. It's important to remind me I have other living poop bags besides the cats.
Sincerely,
The Person Who Feeds You
Please stop shitting all over everything I do. Literally. I know you think you think that when I go through all that trouble weeding and digging and turning the soil over again and again that I am making a truly enormous catbox for you to shit all over.
Well I'm not.
Maybe you might have been clued in by the way you don't see ME pooping in it. Or perhaps the way I start screaming at you every time I see you squatting after every time I have turned my back for five seconds.
I really don't appreciate the way you hide out in the grass just WAITING for me to be done. I KNOW this means you KNOW I don't like it. Also, when I go to the trouble of putting nets up over things, it really displeases me to find you have still not only managed to tromp all over stuff in spite of common sense dictating you stay OFF such a contraption, but also to find you have left little poo pieces suspended up there on top of the nets.
Look. I don't shit where YOU eat okay? If you don't start returning the favor YOU ARE GOING TO START TEMPTING ME.
Also, Poop Face....I know you have the Dire Rear right now and that's not your fault...but I'd really like it if you could somehow refrain from having your little accidents on my USB cables. Seriously, this is the second time this has happened. Do you just sit on them like you're incubating them while I'm gone or something?
While I'm on the subject, I'd like to give a shout out to the bird in my bathroom. Yes, it was my fault I dropped the embroidery thread in your area, but I'd just like to thank you for making sure you shat all over it within a matter of hours. It seemed to be the only place you pooped, so good job. It's important to remind me I have other living poop bags besides the cats.
Sincerely,
The Person Who Feeds You