(no subject)
Lesson In Political Science
DEMOCRATIC You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICANISM You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your
neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his
cow.
COMMUNIST You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with
milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, You have two cows.
AMERICAN You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
STYLE
BUREAUCRACY, You have two cows.
AMERICAN Under the new farm program the government pays you to
STYLE shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk
down the drain.
AMERICAN You have two cows.
CORPORATION You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO
on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four
cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You
spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have
downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
FRENCH You have two cows.
CORPORATION You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.
JAPANESE You have two cows.
CORPORATION You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN You have two cows.
CORPORATION You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots
of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a
hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation
per year.
ITALIAN You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
CORPORATION While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN You have two cows.
CORPORATION You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows
you really have.
TALIBAN You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
CORPORATION You don't milk them because you cannot touch any
creature' s private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to
find alternatives to milk production but use the
money to buy weapons.
IRAQI You have two cows.
CORPORATION They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH You have two bulls.
CORPORATION Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting
to milk them.
BELGIAN You have one cow.
CORPORATION The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times
he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's
milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA You have a black cow and a brown cow.
CORPORATION Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one
best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you
which one you think is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA You have millions of cows.
CORPORATION They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders
DEMOCRATIC You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICANISM You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your
neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his
cow.
COMMUNIST You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with
milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, You have two cows.
AMERICAN You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
STYLE
BUREAUCRACY, You have two cows.
AMERICAN Under the new farm program the government pays you to
STYLE shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk
down the drain.
AMERICAN You have two cows.
CORPORATION You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO
on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four
cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You
spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have
downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
FRENCH You have two cows.
CORPORATION You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.
JAPANESE You have two cows.
CORPORATION You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN You have two cows.
CORPORATION You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots
of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a
hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation
per year.
ITALIAN You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
CORPORATION While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN You have two cows.
CORPORATION You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows
you really have.
TALIBAN You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
CORPORATION You don't milk them because you cannot touch any
creature' s private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to
find alternatives to milk production but use the
money to buy weapons.
IRAQI You have two cows.
CORPORATION They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH You have two bulls.
CORPORATION Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting
to milk them.
BELGIAN You have one cow.
CORPORATION The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times
he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's
milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA You have a black cow and a brown cow.
CORPORATION Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one
best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you
which one you think is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA You have millions of cows.
CORPORATION They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders