i have rediscovered my life.
oh my god. i cleaned my room today! only my bedroom, not the other one yet. but it's totally clean and i could even consider having people IN my room in the future because i won't be so embarrassed about the state of my rooms. i'm so happy right now!
i had my math final on monday night, my american lit final has been turned in already, and i'm as well studied as i can be for my health class and i don't actually need the credit for it so i'm totally relaxed about whatever kind of grade i get. i've never been able to just say, "eh, it doesn't matter if i get a D." and i honestly think it's because of two things that have happened to me recently: a) i'm done with college math classes for the foreseeable future and b) i no longer hate my job so 1/2 of my stress sources have been eliminated from my life. i feel SO GOOD about everything in my life right now, it's bordering on psychotic. i feel like writing poems again! or at least talking like i'm trying to write bad poetry...
the spiral is turning, as are the pages of this new chapter in my life. every fiber of my being wants to shout to the world, "ESPIRITU LIBRE! MY SOUL IS FREE!"
(end crappy poetry-esque writing here)
ralph waldo emmerson wrote about looking into the winter night sky and feeling glad to the brink of fear. it's probably mostly a hormone thing, but i know what he was talking about right now. like, i'm so scared that something is going to go wrong and i'll feel depressed and freaked out again, but at the same time i want to preserve this feeling so i try not to think about it. i don't entirely understand what happened, but right now everything is right. my grandmother is responding well to treatment so far, my job fucking RULES, school will be easier from now on without math, i'm in love, i have so many amazing friends it's hard to keep track of them, and i'm a good student somehow. i sing in the car and while i do work around the house. i haven't done that since i started work at safeway.
life is so good.
on another note, MADDIE I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE COMING HOME! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU!! YAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!
i gotsta go to bed now.
ohm shanti!
i had my math final on monday night, my american lit final has been turned in already, and i'm as well studied as i can be for my health class and i don't actually need the credit for it so i'm totally relaxed about whatever kind of grade i get. i've never been able to just say, "eh, it doesn't matter if i get a D." and i honestly think it's because of two things that have happened to me recently: a) i'm done with college math classes for the foreseeable future and b) i no longer hate my job so 1/2 of my stress sources have been eliminated from my life. i feel SO GOOD about everything in my life right now, it's bordering on psychotic. i feel like writing poems again! or at least talking like i'm trying to write bad poetry...
the spiral is turning, as are the pages of this new chapter in my life. every fiber of my being wants to shout to the world, "ESPIRITU LIBRE! MY SOUL IS FREE!"
(end crappy poetry-esque writing here)
ralph waldo emmerson wrote about looking into the winter night sky and feeling glad to the brink of fear. it's probably mostly a hormone thing, but i know what he was talking about right now. like, i'm so scared that something is going to go wrong and i'll feel depressed and freaked out again, but at the same time i want to preserve this feeling so i try not to think about it. i don't entirely understand what happened, but right now everything is right. my grandmother is responding well to treatment so far, my job fucking RULES, school will be easier from now on without math, i'm in love, i have so many amazing friends it's hard to keep track of them, and i'm a good student somehow. i sing in the car and while i do work around the house. i haven't done that since i started work at safeway.
life is so good.
on another note, MADDIE I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE COMING HOME! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU!! YAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!
i gotsta go to bed now.
ohm shanti!