about me
let me just begin by saying that you are all my heroes.
i am serious. my friends in college, you guys, you fucking saved my life. you introduced me to the amazing way of independent living, and for that i am so ridiculously grateful. This is has become especially apparent to me living on a military base, where the people seem to mill about sans creativity buzzing in their brain, sans excitement bursting from their skin. especially the young sailors, who look as though something important is missing from their life; they look as though they can feel the void. i think i am happier than i have ever been in my whole life, and i don't even mean that in a merely emotional way. i feel it in a spritual, "i feel connected to the universe" way, and "i know what i want out of life " way.
there are a few reasons for that. in no particular order.
1. i freaking love myself, more than ever.
2. i have been just saying no to drugs, and i mean the prescription/over the counter/birth control kind.*
3. Since classes ended i have had both more motivation and time to READ, REAL BOOKS! i have since discovered a profound love for non-fiction, particularly books about holistic nutrition. i tend to not be able to put them down. I particularly recommend Gabriel Cousens M.D., M.D. (H)'s Rainbow Green Live-Food Cuisine. He gives excellent arugments about why one should eat primarily organic and raw foods (Jesse Arost, this is a great book for you to read concerning organic food's importance. He devotes at least 20 pages to research gone into the effects of pesticides on the central nervous system, overall health, etc., which is both very scary and very motivating), and has convinced me to go vegetarian by explaining the numerous health benefits of it, and the real dangers of not doing it. I have been a vegetarian now since I got back from Portland, or the beginning of July. I am even currently considering going mostly vegan. I am now trying to go at least 50% raw, which i doubt will be hard since i have a lot of delicious raw recipes from some raw food books i just ordered, and since i heart raw veggies and fruits and nuts already.*
4. I am eating almost 100% organic food. I am a vegetarian. I am on amazing health supplements & drinking lots of teas.*
5. I have been following my bliss. following my heart, if you will.
6. I just got finished doing the Master Cleanse for 10 days, which is a fast where you drink only lemonade made with maple syrup and cayenne pepper, and laxative herb tea. it is to clean out the colon/digestive system from old fecal matter/toxins. then it was another four days to start eating real food again verrrryyy slowly. So basicaly i didn't eat for like 12 and a half days. i really think it worked. the entire time, (do not read if you are squeamish), i felt as though sewage sludge was being removed from my colon, at least twice per day, many times more often. it was very dark black and mucousy. some parts mostly solid. and i wasnt drinking/eating anything except for brownish lemonade. the entire time i wasnt really phsycally hungry, unless i wasnt drinking enough lemonade, and i just wanted to eat meat and pizza and fries and mexican food, and truffles from godiva. but yesterday and today, all i have really wanted to eat is vegetables. today i crave fruit, even though finally i can eat whatever i want. its kind of insane. they said you would detox things and while doing so you may crave those things. anyway, i feel much lighter and a lot more serious about eating healthy, considering how grueling that entire experience was. as a yoga teacher in kauai described fasting perfectly, "it's an emotional mindfuck." even if you arent hungry physically, you really just miss eating. i think it was overall an amazing experience for me and i look forward to doing it again.
*let me clarify one thing: they say toxins in your body (that you dont get as much of in organic foods) can alter your mood and depress you because of all the weird chemicals in it. it can also make you chemicallly addicted and need food not a physical hunger level but rather on a chemical dependency level, which can make you fat as well. the preservatives, additives, artificial flavors, and pesticides/herbicides/fungicidges, they say, are directly linked to your emotional and mental well-being. aso, if you are getting enough actual nutrition (which you dont hardly get with conventionally grown fruits and vegetables, cooked or not), you feel much more vibrant and happy as well. apparently, since i stopped injesting them so much and have been detoxing using various methods, and getting a lot more real nutrients, it seems to be true. i feel much happier. to everyone who thinks they have any emotional issues or mental problems, take serious note. and ask me about more books on the subject.
7. it has been hard for me to decide between living happily and healthfully vs giving in to the dark and glamourous side of myself, partying and drinking often without very much regard to my health. i have finally decided that i am far happier being attatched than detached, and finally understand that i do have to make some sacrifices. i finally understand that if i really want to be happy (and who doesn't), i have to get away from that whole glamorous thing and get back to real human spirituality. i feel like i am finally resolving a seriously dichotomous aspect of my life.
8. i am moving to portland, eventually. one of my bffs charise just moved there, and i cant wait to join her. its filled with raw foodists and in a very liberal part of the nation, whilst brooklyn, albeit so temptingly cool and glamrous, is just that. i dont think brooklyn holds true happiness for me. i think it caters more to that empty happiness that i realize is not what i actually want for my life. although, i will still be ecstatic to come visit anyone who lives there at any time.
there is more, but alas this post is long enough. as for hawaii, 'tis gorgeous, but i dont like having an office job, even though i am only in the office three days a week. after jeff (waterfall guy) and i decided mutually we didnt get along, i dated his friend chris for about a month. i since have broken up with chris and am now dating chris r, for about a month now, and it is sweet. he has told me that i am the catalyst in his life that will help him fill that void i mentioned earlier. i feel lucky to be the one who is influencing him to lead a more independent lifestyle. it makes me truly happy. which also brings me to the subject of, let's not be pretentious. at least, this is what i have decided for myself. we should invite everyone to join us in the peace of independence, creativity, and freedom. because if i have learned anything from getting to know and dating some of the 'bros' in the navy, its that each one of them is still an amazingly endearing human being and deserves to lead such a happy life as well. there are forces in this world that shield the real truth from the masses, and i at least would like to have more sympathy for those who have not yet had the courage or opportunity to discover it, and invite them to.
thats all for now, folks.
love and sunshine,
cassandra
i am serious. my friends in college, you guys, you fucking saved my life. you introduced me to the amazing way of independent living, and for that i am so ridiculously grateful. This is has become especially apparent to me living on a military base, where the people seem to mill about sans creativity buzzing in their brain, sans excitement bursting from their skin. especially the young sailors, who look as though something important is missing from their life; they look as though they can feel the void. i think i am happier than i have ever been in my whole life, and i don't even mean that in a merely emotional way. i feel it in a spritual, "i feel connected to the universe" way, and "i know what i want out of life " way.
there are a few reasons for that. in no particular order.
1. i freaking love myself, more than ever.
2. i have been just saying no to drugs, and i mean the prescription/over the counter/birth control kind.*
3. Since classes ended i have had both more motivation and time to READ, REAL BOOKS! i have since discovered a profound love for non-fiction, particularly books about holistic nutrition. i tend to not be able to put them down. I particularly recommend Gabriel Cousens M.D., M.D. (H)'s Rainbow Green Live-Food Cuisine. He gives excellent arugments about why one should eat primarily organic and raw foods (Jesse Arost, this is a great book for you to read concerning organic food's importance. He devotes at least 20 pages to research gone into the effects of pesticides on the central nervous system, overall health, etc., which is both very scary and very motivating), and has convinced me to go vegetarian by explaining the numerous health benefits of it, and the real dangers of not doing it. I have been a vegetarian now since I got back from Portland, or the beginning of July. I am even currently considering going mostly vegan. I am now trying to go at least 50% raw, which i doubt will be hard since i have a lot of delicious raw recipes from some raw food books i just ordered, and since i heart raw veggies and fruits and nuts already.*
4. I am eating almost 100% organic food. I am a vegetarian. I am on amazing health supplements & drinking lots of teas.*
5. I have been following my bliss. following my heart, if you will.
6. I just got finished doing the Master Cleanse for 10 days, which is a fast where you drink only lemonade made with maple syrup and cayenne pepper, and laxative herb tea. it is to clean out the colon/digestive system from old fecal matter/toxins. then it was another four days to start eating real food again verrrryyy slowly. So basicaly i didn't eat for like 12 and a half days. i really think it worked. the entire time, (do not read if you are squeamish), i felt as though sewage sludge was being removed from my colon, at least twice per day, many times more often. it was very dark black and mucousy. some parts mostly solid. and i wasnt drinking/eating anything except for brownish lemonade. the entire time i wasnt really phsycally hungry, unless i wasnt drinking enough lemonade, and i just wanted to eat meat and pizza and fries and mexican food, and truffles from godiva. but yesterday and today, all i have really wanted to eat is vegetables. today i crave fruit, even though finally i can eat whatever i want. its kind of insane. they said you would detox things and while doing so you may crave those things. anyway, i feel much lighter and a lot more serious about eating healthy, considering how grueling that entire experience was. as a yoga teacher in kauai described fasting perfectly, "it's an emotional mindfuck." even if you arent hungry physically, you really just miss eating. i think it was overall an amazing experience for me and i look forward to doing it again.
*let me clarify one thing: they say toxins in your body (that you dont get as much of in organic foods) can alter your mood and depress you because of all the weird chemicals in it. it can also make you chemicallly addicted and need food not a physical hunger level but rather on a chemical dependency level, which can make you fat as well. the preservatives, additives, artificial flavors, and pesticides/herbicides/fungicidges, they say, are directly linked to your emotional and mental well-being. aso, if you are getting enough actual nutrition (which you dont hardly get with conventionally grown fruits and vegetables, cooked or not), you feel much more vibrant and happy as well. apparently, since i stopped injesting them so much and have been detoxing using various methods, and getting a lot more real nutrients, it seems to be true. i feel much happier. to everyone who thinks they have any emotional issues or mental problems, take serious note. and ask me about more books on the subject.
7. it has been hard for me to decide between living happily and healthfully vs giving in to the dark and glamourous side of myself, partying and drinking often without very much regard to my health. i have finally decided that i am far happier being attatched than detached, and finally understand that i do have to make some sacrifices. i finally understand that if i really want to be happy (and who doesn't), i have to get away from that whole glamorous thing and get back to real human spirituality. i feel like i am finally resolving a seriously dichotomous aspect of my life.
8. i am moving to portland, eventually. one of my bffs charise just moved there, and i cant wait to join her. its filled with raw foodists and in a very liberal part of the nation, whilst brooklyn, albeit so temptingly cool and glamrous, is just that. i dont think brooklyn holds true happiness for me. i think it caters more to that empty happiness that i realize is not what i actually want for my life. although, i will still be ecstatic to come visit anyone who lives there at any time.
there is more, but alas this post is long enough. as for hawaii, 'tis gorgeous, but i dont like having an office job, even though i am only in the office three days a week. after jeff (waterfall guy) and i decided mutually we didnt get along, i dated his friend chris for about a month. i since have broken up with chris and am now dating chris r, for about a month now, and it is sweet. he has told me that i am the catalyst in his life that will help him fill that void i mentioned earlier. i feel lucky to be the one who is influencing him to lead a more independent lifestyle. it makes me truly happy. which also brings me to the subject of, let's not be pretentious. at least, this is what i have decided for myself. we should invite everyone to join us in the peace of independence, creativity, and freedom. because if i have learned anything from getting to know and dating some of the 'bros' in the navy, its that each one of them is still an amazingly endearing human being and deserves to lead such a happy life as well. there are forces in this world that shield the real truth from the masses, and i at least would like to have more sympathy for those who have not yet had the courage or opportunity to discover it, and invite them to.
thats all for now, folks.
love and sunshine,
cassandra