Affirmation
Oh goodness, that's always so good.
My counselor is so affirming. She illuminates all the things I like in my life, the things that stabilize me, all the carrots dangling around that I could pursue. It's such good work. Clarifying.
I made a bunch of connections between the way Tucker punishes himself for having feelings and for not being how other people want him to be, the way my mind works more to restorative justice/accept differences and sometimes find humour, the way Tucker and I don't feel like we can comfortably and openly share emotionally (because he's always fighting feeling like he shouldn't have those emotions, and that if I have negative emotions about something he's done that he shouldn't have done the thing, rather than knowing that two different people will sometimes just have situations that lead to friction and that's ok), why talking with Kelsey is such a relief, and the fact that I am one of very few people in the world who genuinely likes myself and approves of myself.
Kelsey has been on my mind so much lately and I got to talk about that.
Gosh the world would be easier if everyone could start from "this is who I am and this is who you are, how shall we proceed from that" rather than "maybe if I hurt myself and you enough things will be fixed"
We don't get that world, though, without making it first.
I have this small well of security and comfort inside from finally feeling like myself again for the first time maybe since the breakup. I like myself, and I'd missed being this person.
Ok. Time to play in the kitchen. I need to put up some pickles too.
My counselor is so affirming. She illuminates all the things I like in my life, the things that stabilize me, all the carrots dangling around that I could pursue. It's such good work. Clarifying.
I made a bunch of connections between the way Tucker punishes himself for having feelings and for not being how other people want him to be, the way my mind works more to restorative justice/accept differences and sometimes find humour, the way Tucker and I don't feel like we can comfortably and openly share emotionally (because he's always fighting feeling like he shouldn't have those emotions, and that if I have negative emotions about something he's done that he shouldn't have done the thing, rather than knowing that two different people will sometimes just have situations that lead to friction and that's ok), why talking with Kelsey is such a relief, and the fact that I am one of very few people in the world who genuinely likes myself and approves of myself.
Kelsey has been on my mind so much lately and I got to talk about that.
Gosh the world would be easier if everyone could start from "this is who I am and this is who you are, how shall we proceed from that" rather than "maybe if I hurt myself and you enough things will be fixed"
We don't get that world, though, without making it first.
I have this small well of security and comfort inside from finally feeling like myself again for the first time maybe since the breakup. I like myself, and I'd missed being this person.
Ok. Time to play in the kitchen. I need to put up some pickles too.