I feel so confused...
Half the time I feel like I'm in such a better place than I was a few years ago. That I've found real confidence, not the fake crap I used to fake when I didn't want people to know how messed up I always was. Sometimes I feel fucking pretty, and I went camping this weekend and got hit on by a set of twins, and a lesbian and all three of them asked for my number and it was great to say "I have a boyfriend, but your cool, so maybe we can be friends" and god did I love that attention.
But the other half I feel ugly and unwanted and fat. And I want a nose job and I want to be less wierd, less pathetic. And I think my boyfriend's boring, and I think maybe I don't like boys at all, and why do I have to be so different? Why can't I be straight and pretty and skinny and desirable?
I preach about accepting yourself and loving yourself and I tell my friends they're fucking beautiful and I tell them to love and appreciate their differences but I can only love myself some of the time, and the rest of it I want to crawl in a corner and die.
But the other half I feel ugly and unwanted and fat. And I want a nose job and I want to be less wierd, less pathetic. And I think my boyfriend's boring, and I think maybe I don't like boys at all, and why do I have to be so different? Why can't I be straight and pretty and skinny and desirable?
I preach about accepting yourself and loving yourself and I tell my friends they're fucking beautiful and I tell them to love and appreciate their differences but I can only love myself some of the time, and the rest of it I want to crawl in a corner and die.